This Stay Has Not Been Rated

, , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(A very stubborn customer is arguing with us about the prices changing.)

Coworker: “Sir, since you are changing your stay, the rate also changes because there is a lower rate the longer you stay. If you shorten your stay, the rate goes up.”

Customer: “That is BS! That doesn’t make sense! Who puts these darned rules on the rates?! I was told [rate] and I’ll get it; I don’t care if I do shorten my stay or not!”

Coworker: “That would be our manager who set the rules for the rates.”

Customer: “I already talked to him, and he promised me this rate! Now, are you going to give it to me or do I have to go to your competition next door?!”

Me: “Sir, you are welcome to go there!”

Customer: *angrily takes belongings and stomps off, glaring*

(There are only two hotels for miles around, and both are owned by the same company. My coworker and I laughed about that for hours. The next morning, the hotel next door sent us an email saying only “WTF?!”)

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A Cents-less Waste Of Time

, , , , , | Right | October 15, 2017

(Our gas station has a member’s card that you can scan when you pay and get $0.03 off per gallon of gas. This customer forgets to hand me their card to get the discount while they are pre-paying inside for their gas. Five minutes later, they’re back inside with their receipt, furious that they did not get their discount.)

Me: “Yes, sir; what can I do for you?”

Customer: “You didn’t scan my [Gas Station] card! I want my discount. You owe me a refund, son.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, sir, but I cannot go back and give you the discount when you didn’t give me the card to scan.”

Customer: “I just want my three f****** cents off!”

(I look at my screen and see that they only got $15, a little over six gallons-worth of gas.)

Me: “Do you have your card with you?”

(The customer hastily grabs their wallet, searches for a few seconds, and slams the card down on the counter angrily.)

Me: “I can’t scan the card for the previous transaction, but I’ll give you the refund for what would have been your discount since I have it right here anyway.”

(I handed them $0.18 from my till and replaced it with pennies from my “take one leave one” cup on the counter. The customer looked down at their dime, nickel, and three pennies, and gave me a telling look of embarrassment, knowing that they wasted five minutes and made of fool of themselves in front of the whole store for practically nothing.)

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She Eats People Like You For Breakfast

, , , , , | Romantic | October 14, 2017

(My friend is working the drive-thru. After the customer gives his order and pulls to the window, this lovely exchange happens:)

Customer: “You know, a guy like me likes to see girls like you on her back, preferably naked.”

Friend: “You know, a girl like me likes to see guys like you in an oven, preferably with it preheated to 350 already.”

Customer: “I was just trying to be flattering.”

Friend: “You were just trying to be raunchy for shock value, and it didn’t work.”

Customer: “What if I had feelings for you?”

Friend: “Wouldn’t change mine toward you, which is hungry.”

Customer: “As in good hungry?”

Friend: “As in Hannibal hungry.”

Customer: *drives off*

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Sword In The Stone-Faced Grandma

, , , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

Little Girl: “But, Granny, why can’t I have the sword?”

Granny: “Because swords are for boys and you’re a girl, so have the [Doll] instead.” *gestures to me* “I’m sure that she had [Doll]s as a girl.”

Me: “Actually, I had cowboy pistols and a [Gaming Console].” *while handing sword to the little girl* “Be careful ruling the high seas!”

(Granny was furious.)

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They’re Vibrating On A Different Frequency

, , , , , , | Working | October 9, 2017

(I am in a novelty store, looking for a cheap vibrator as a gag gift. I’m in my 50s and the clerk is probably about 20. The clerk comes up with a smirk on her face, obviously expecting me to be embarrassed.)

Clerk: *said in the most condescending voice possible* “Can I explain anything to you? I know someone your age might not understand these.”

(Now I don’t have a lot of f***s to give. I stopped worrying about what people think years ago. I start picking up vibrators and explaining to her the pros and cons of each one. Loudly. She is turning redder and redder as several boys her age stop to watch.)

Me: “But I don’t buy my vibrators here. I go to [Store #1] or [Store #2]. These are cheap pieces of crap, but I want it as a gag gift. But I know people your age may not understand all of this. Can I explain anything else to you, honey?”

(I bet she doesn’t try to embarrass middle-aged people any more.)

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