Full-On Fraud Fail

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2011

Customer: “I need to cash my paycheck, please.”

Me: “Okay, may I see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: “Sir, this check hasn’t been signed.”

Customer: “What? Oh, I see. Hang on a second.”

(The customer signs the check in front of me with great flourish and hands it back.)

Me: “You know I can’t cash this for you, right?”

Customer: “Why not?  It’s signed!”

Me: “Sir, this is a check from [Employer]. We cash about half of their payroll checks every pay period. One, it’s not their payday. Two, this isn’t their logo. Three, this isn’t their bank. Four, you just forged a signature in front of me, on camera.”

Customer: “It’s a good check!”

Me: “Well, I’m sure the officer standing in line behind you would love to hear all about it. Did I also mention that we cash payroll checks from The City, too?”


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When Photos Are Exposed

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2011

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. We do not allow the use of photography in the museum.”

Guest: “I wasn’t taking a photograph!” *shows me her phone*

Me: “Sorry, the way you were holding your phone looked as if you were taking a photograph. Although not only did you take a photograph, but you saved it as your cell phone wallpaper and are currently showing it to me.”

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No Civility, No Social Graces, No Service

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2011

(I am required to ask to see a customer’s credit card and ID if they make a credit purchase over $25.)

Me: “Can I see your card and ID, please, sir?”

Customer: “If my father were here, he’d call you a b****.”

Me: “If your father were here, I’d ask him to leave.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I don’t tolerate that kind of language. Please leave.”

Customer: *glares at me awhile longer, but eventually leaves the store*


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Socially Acceptable

, , , , , | Right | January 21, 2011

(The shop I work in has a TV that plays the news 24/7. It has picked up a story about a judge ruling that the Obama healthcare bill was unconstitutional.)

Customer: “Well, good! It is unconstitutional! You can’t force anyone to get health care if they don’t want it. This country is becoming too socialist! We don’t need any socialist programs!”

Me: *avoiding the topic* “Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “All right, here you go.”

(The customer hands me her food stamps card.)

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Black Ops To Get You Black Listed

, , , , , , | Right | January 7, 2011

Customer: “Hi. I have a question for you guys. I haven’t been able to log in to Xbox Live. Has there been an outage?”

Me: “Not that I’m aware of. Have you done anything while online that might have gotten you banned?”

Customer: “No. I’ve only been playing the one game and no one is even online when I check!”

Me: “I think you might have to call their tech support. They should be able to help you out.”

Customer: “Oh, all right. Anyway, I also want to cancel my pre-order for Black Ops.”

Me: “Okay. I can do that for you. May I ask why?”

Customer: “I’ve already got it.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I already have it. Nobody’s online, though.”

Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you’ve been playing a game that hasn’t been released and that you are actively going online with it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “I think I’ve figured out why you can’t get on Xbox Live.”

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