Obeyed The Golden Rule

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I am working in a department store as a front-end cashier and have been cross-trained in multiple departments, but just enough to cover breaks and lunches. I am opening one morning and have just clocked in when the store manager asks me to cover the jewelry counter as the scheduled associate has called out sick. It is only about ten minutes before store opening and the count reconciliation and set up takes about half hour, minimum, for a well-trained associate in that department. I’ve never done it before so I know there is no way I’ll be ready by the time the doors open. I am counting the gold understock when, just after the store doors open, a customer approaches the counter. Although it means I’ll have to start the count over when I get a chance, I acknowledge his presence and let him know I’ll be glad to help just as soon as I’ve replaced the trays in the cabinet and locked it, which will only take a few moments.)

Customer: “You need to stop what you are doing and help me now. The customer always comes first.”

Me: “I just need to put this away and I’ll be right with you.”

Customer: “I said, ‘Now.’ You can complete that later!”

Me: “I can’t leave this merchandise out. I’m almost done.”

Customer: “B****, I need help now, right this second, now! Not in a moment!”

Me: *as I close and lock the cabinet door, frustrated at the situation and at the customer both, and unable to continue to be polite* “If I were to leave this product out and not locked up as is required, there wouldn’t be anyone, b**** or otherwise, to help you at all! Now, how can this b**** help you?”

(Surprisingly, I didn’t get in trouble.)

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They Can Hop Right To You

, , , , | Right | November 11, 2017

(I’m taking tickets at the theater. It’s Friday night, so it’s very crowded. As I’m taking tickets, a teenager with a skateboard casually walks past the line, then ducks under the rope and bolts down the hallway, disappearing into one of the theaters.)

Customer: “That guy just snuck past you!”

Me: “I know. Here’s your ticket. Your theater is on the left.”

(He takes his ticket, but stops behind me so he can talk to me while not holding up the line.)

Customer: “Aren’t you going to stop him?”

Me: “I’d chase after him, but then there’d be nobody to help the rest of you get to your movies.”

Customer: “I suppose more people would sneak in, too.”

Me: “That, too. Besides, I’ll catch him once the line dies down and I can get somebody to man the station.”

Customer: “You’re going to find him in a dark theater?”

Me: “I have my ways.”

(I clear the line, signal for one of the other ushers to take over the ticket station for me, and head into the theater. I find the guy immediately. Theater hoppers almost always hide in the back row, even though it makes them stand out if the theater isn’t full, especially since the seats are brighter since they’re closer to the ceiling lights. Not only do I find him, but he’s sitting directly under one of said lights, as if highlighted by a spotlight, with his skateboard resting on the chair next to him.)

Me: “Can I see your ticket, please?”

Theater Hopper: “Uh, I threw it away.”

Me: “Let’s go.”

Theater Hopper: “How’d you find me?”

Me: “Trade secret.”

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Some People Have The Nerve

, , , , , | Learning | November 6, 2017

(One of my friends at college has a hidden disability. Her nerve endings send pain signals so she is in constant pain; however, walking is doable. On top of that, she needs a hip replacement at the age of 18, which makes stairs impossible. This means she takes the lift just going up a single flight of stairs. I’ve started going with her because she’s told me people often make comments. We get the lift with a group of guys who are on the sports degree. I press the button for floor one.)

Guy #1: *condescendingly* “That’s lazy, don’t you think?”

Me: *smiles* “My friend’s nerve endings don’t work properly, which means she’s in constant agony. Plus, she needs a double hip replacement due to a birth defect.”

(There’s silence.)

Guy #2: *to [Guy #1] in a light jovial tone* “Bet you feel like a right d*** now.”

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The Only Digging Is Into The Hole You Made Yourself

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 6, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are going out for dinner. I’m currently a full-time student, so we’re living on his salary until I finish school and start my job. The bill comes and he goes to pay it when another customer, who’s been glowering at us all this time, decides to jump in.)

Stranger: “Letting her man pay for everything! Gold-digger.”

(We both freeze, and I look over at him.)

Me: “Not that it’s really any of your business, but I’m still in school. I’ll start paying for things as soon as I start making money.”

Stranger: *mocking* “Oh, and what are you studying? Flower arranging? Interior design? You’re going to be mooching off your man forever. This is what’s wrong with the world! You need to go out and get a real job instead of being a gold-digging freeloader!”

(My boyfriend decides to jump in.)

Boyfriend: “Actually, she’s a medical student. We’re out celebrating because she just found out she got her residency at [Prestigious Local Hospital], and she’ll be starting there as soon as she finishes up her last round of rotations. Give it a few years, and she’ll making… probably four times what I do.” *laughing* “If anything, I’m the gold-digger; I’m just doing it preemptively!”

(The guy goes red and can’t make eye contact, while my boyfriend and I start affectionately arguing about whether it’s possible be a preemptively gold-digger, or whether that’s just investment in your partner’s career. When the waitress comes to collect our check a minute later, she brings us a couple slices of chocolate cake, as well.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, we didn’t order these.”

Waitress: “Yeah, I know. On the house. Congratulations on getting a good residency, and good job handling that jerk! That was the best laugh I’ve had all night.” *raising her voice just a little, and winking at us* “Some people just can’t keep their noses out of other people’s business.”

(The guy went even redder, and we both thanked her profusely. Great way to end the night!)

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A Tasteless Starter, Misogynistic Main, And A Just Dessert

, , , , , , | Working | November 3, 2017

(I’m at lunch with my son and daughter-in-law when my son makes a tasteless joke at his wife’s expense.)

Me: “Even if you’re joking, you do not talk to her like that. Or any other woman.”

Waiter: *stage whispered* “Aww… You’re a feminist; how cute.”

Me: “Aww… You’re an unoriginal misogynist; bet you don’t get any.”

(We didn’t see him for the rest of our meal.)

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