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Totally Estúpido! Part 20

, , , , , | Right | April 4, 2022

My college Spanish professor told my class this story in my freshman year. She was in the checkout line at the grocery store, buying tortillas, beans, and a few other staples of Latin-American cuisine, which did not go unnoticed by the man behind her.

Husband: *In Spanish* “She’s taking our food!”

Wife: *Also in Spanish* “It would be better if you didn’t talk.”

Husband: “Look at what she’s buying! That’s our food!”

Wife: “Shut up.”

Husband: “But it’s our food!”

Wife: “Shut up!”

At this point, my professor was done with her transaction, and she turned back to the couple.

Professor: *In perfect Spanish* “Actually, my husband is Guatemalan, so this is our food too.”

The husband turned bright red after getting over his shock that my obviously-not-Latina professor could speak Spanish. The wife nodded approvingly and presumably treated her husband to a rousing “I told you so” lecture.

Related:
Totally Estúpido! Part 19
Totally Estúpido! Part 18
Totally Estúpido! Part 17
Totally Estúpido! Part 16
Totally Estúpido! Part 15

Don’t Mess Around With 911

, , , , , , , | Legal | April 3, 2022

I am a 911 call taker. If you don’t know, telemarketers randomly generate phone numbers, and they often accidentally call our emergency line.

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Robot: “Hello, your car’s extended warranty is almost expired. Press one to talk to a representative.”

Me: “Oh, my God, guys, it’s gonna happen! I’m gonna talk to a real person!”

Coworker: “I’m excited for you. Go ahead!”

I press one.

Telemarketer: “Hello you’ve reach—”

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Telemarketer: “Oh. there’s no emergency.”

Me: “Ma’am, you called 911. What’s the emergency?”

Telemarketer: “We don’t make calls, ma’am.”

Me: “This is abuse of emergency lines. We can track your location and send you a fine for this.”

The telemarketer hangs up.

Coworker: “Did you actually track the call?”

Me: “No, but she doesn’t know that.”

Good Thing He’s Full Of Hot Air

, , , | Right | April 1, 2022

A guy brought in a flute for repair, and it turned out it needed all the pads replaced. He did not want to pay our repair price, so he instead bought a set of pads at a quarter of the cost of the repair.

Customer: “I can figure it out myself. I’m an engineer!”

Me: “Okay. If you have any trouble, bring it back and we’ll be happy to repair it.”

It turned out that he was a software engineer! But the best part is that he came back a week later to buy a whole new flute because, and I quote:

Customer: “That one is a piece of s***! I’m glad I didn’t spend a lot on it.”

We just laughed after he left.

The Steaks Are High, So You’d Better Ketchup

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: josh3701 | April 1, 2022

I am working the register one night at a large grocery chain in Canada. It is a pretty slow night — the type of evening where there are only a few customers an hour.

I am standing at my register talking to one of my coworkers when a lady and her kid pull up to my lane. The lady starts unloading a shopping cart that has about a dozen large packages of T-bone steaks. I don’t think too much of it at first since sometimes people come in with big orders for BBQs.

I finish scanning her order and give her the total; it’s a few hundred dollars as each pack is about $20 to $25. She immediately gets upset and starts yelling at me.

Customer: “You scanned those wrong! They are $1 each!”

Me: “Do you mean the steaks?”

Customer: “Yes, of course, the steaks!”

Me: “Ma’am, the steaks are priced by weight. They can’t be $1 each.”

She continues to freak out and yells some more.

Customer: “You’re an idiot! You’ll never amount to anything!”

I was in college at the time and am a fairly successful accountant now, for the record.

Her kid is standing there the whole time looking horrified but also like they’ve seen this before.

Customer: “If you’re calling me a liar, come and see, and I’ll show you that they are $1 each!”

As I said it’s a slow night, so I say sure and follow her to the cooler section. Once there, she points to a sign near the steak cooler and yells:

Customer: “Look! It says right there! They’re $1 each! Or can you not read?!”

I look at the sign and then look back at the woman.

Me: “Well, ma’am, it does say $1 each… for the bottles of ketchup in the display the sign is clearly hanging off of.”

She looks at the sign again and realizes her mistake, but she yells one more time:

Customer: “Well, why would you put it so close to the steaks?!”

With that, she stormed off. Her kid looked so embarrassed.

To this day, it was one of the most satisfying things that has happened on the job.

Take It From An Editor: There’s A Time And Place!

, , , , , , | Working | March 31, 2022

[Coworker] was an English teacher for many years before she worked here — a fact she brings up every time there is a spelling or grammatical error. Frankly, I find her tedious. Not everything has to be perfect, and not everyone has the same ability with the English language. A post-it note is not a dissertation, so don’t treat them the same.

We are sitting in a meeting. The whole team is there and our manager is giving a presentation on how the department is performing.

The next slide pops up, and it’s about the work I’ve been doing. It looks like he copied and pasted from the email I sent him. I immediately notice an obvious spelling mistake I made right in the middle of the page.

I feel stupid for missing it, but to be fair to me, I didn’t realise that it was going to be presented, and to be fair to him, English isn’t his first language.

[Coworker], of course, points this out right as [Manager] is still talking.

Coworker: “Err, sorry, but it’s ‘shall’, not ‘shell’.”

Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “The third line, second paragraph; it’s spelt ‘shall’.”

Manager: “So?”

Coworker: “Well, it’s wrong, and I thought you would want to know.”

Manager: “Then tell me aside or by email, not in front of the team.”

This seems to break something in [Coworker]’s brain.

Coworker: “But… but it’s not right. And I thought you, of all people, would want to know.”

Manager: “So what if it’s wrong? Did anyone not understand the message behind this?”

A choir of silence plays out from the room.

Manager: “See, and if I can understand it, being French, then clearly, it is not an issue. This is a meeting for the team, not some senior managers. Please learn your audience.”

[Coworker] made some excuse and left the meeting. I found out later that she complained about being made to feel embarrassed in front of the team, but it went nowhere when it was pointed out that was exactly what she was doing to her boss and everyone else.

[Coworker] still tries to correct everyone over the most tedious details, but she just gets told to know her audience and that shuts her up.