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Being A Friend Means Being Supportive… Jerk

, , , | Friendly | June 7, 2022

I was once hanging out with a friend of mine who I met at my church. I brought up my recent fifth anniversary of working at one particular retail company because I had never spent five years in ONE job and was particularly proud of myself. I moved like twenty-five times in my first twenty years, so being ANYWHERE for a good amount of time was a big milestone for me.

Friend: “When are you going to get a real job?”

This was coming from a guy who attended college but depended on his mom to pay the rent for the house that he and his wife lived in. Being in retail, I was not anywhere close to being rich by any means, but my rent and bills were all being paid on time, I was not starving, and I was able to put a little something away for a rainy day.

Basically, his snide-toned question hurt me deep to the bone, and I realized he was not such a good friend as I thought.

Me: *Sarcastically* “As soon as you become enough of a man that your mom doesn’t have to pay your rent so you can get a real job and start paying it yourself.”

We never talked to each other after that. I haven’t seen him in three years, and I don’t care to do it, either. If a person like that doesn’t seem to appreciate the hard work that another does for a living and can’t even define it as a “real” job, especially when his own life isn’t that much better, there’s no need to be friends with such a person.

Don’t Play Games With Gamers

, , , , , | Working | June 6, 2022

It is the day of a new video game release. I have been indecisive about whether to get this game or another coming out shortly after, which means I’ve neglected to get a preorder. In retrospect, given that most of my local retailers open in the 7:00 am to 9:00 am range, I shouldn’t have been surprised that the game is sold out when I go out at noon on Friday to buy it.

My last stop is a small retailer that I usually visit looking for outdated games or peripheral equipment. The owner/usual cashier is an amicable guy that I’ve gotten to know somewhat well. When I arrive, the owner is absent; in his place is a woman I don’t recognize.

Me: “Hey, do you have [Game]?”

Woman: “No, we’re sold out; all we’ve got left is preorders.”

Me: “Ah, man. In that case, I’m gonna browse a bit.”

I move to peruse the secondhand games section. I’m the only one in the store at this time, and the woman speaks to me while I’m browsing.

Woman: “We were pretty much sold out in half an hour. Then there were two hours of, ‘I know you have more; hand it over!’ It’s f****** stupid.”

Me: “Yeah, launches for big games like this tend to be crazy. I always feel bad for the people who have to deal with outraged, ‘What do you mean you’re sold out?!’”

Woman: “Seriously. You’d think people would stop buying s*** like this so fast.”

Warning lights go off in my head, and I bite my tongue, hoping she’ll take the hint and stop talking. Wishful thinking.

Woman: “Honestly, what sort of dumba** buys a game when it first comes out?”

Me: *Unable to stop myself* “Maybe people who want to play the game?”

Woman: “And what exactly does anyone get out of playing a game so soon after the game comes out?”

Me: *Counting on my hands* “Not having to avoid spoilers as the entire community goes apes*** over the plot, being able to enjoy what you’ve been looking forward to instead of listening to other people enjoy what you’ve been looking forward to, and being able to make your own judgments about the game instead of listening to all the loudmouthed haters who take issue with anyone liking what they don’t like.”

Woman: “All the people who care about bulls*** like that are the reason games like this have server slowdowns.”

Me: “[Game] is not an online game; there are no servers to slow down. There are way more offline games than online ones.”

Woman: “What about the price? What sort of dumba** pays [price] for a game?”

Me: “People who understand the concept of price relative to value. And, perhaps more importantly, people who understand how hard it can be to get a game secondhand. I’ll gladly pay [price] to be able to play a game now instead of [higher price] to play a game when they’ve stopped selling new copies.”

Woman: “Fine, if you’re gonna be a dumba** and throw your money away, I’ll sell you [Game] right now.”


Me: “I thought you said you only had preorders left?”

Woman: “We get a shipment on Monday. One dumba** can wait a couple of days so another dumba** can waste his money.”

This retailer has not had the best luck with timely shipments of new games; there is no guarantee they’ll have [Game] on Monday. Presented with the choice between taking someone’s already-paid-for game or browsing for a separate purchase and possibly tolerating more of this woman’s abuse, I immediately fled the building.

On Monday, I warily stopped by that retailer to see if they had [Game] yet; the owner was at the counter and recognized me. Turns out, the security cameras record audio, and he had witnessed [Woman] insulting me and other gamers like me, as well as offering to sell me an already-paid-for game. Apparently, this was not her first transgression, and she was fired.

In brighter news, they DID get [Game] with that Monday’s shipment, and the owner apparently decided my getting insulted by [Woman] was grounds to hold on to a copy for me by way of apology. I told him it wasn’t necessary… but given he already had it for me, I wasn’t gonna turn down the sale!

Trips To The Grocery Store With Little Brother Take AAAAAAAGES

, , , , | Related | June 6, 2022

Ages ago, when my younger brother was still in kindergarten, we would take turns picking him up, usually based on who had an opportunity. Due to working late, my dad could only pick him up when he had some paid time off.

One day, when my dad left the house to pick up my brother, my mom left him with the advice, “Don’t use the shortcut through the train station, no matter what.”

When they didn’t return an hour later from what should have been a twenty-minute walk, my mom called my dad. His phone rang on the table.

Me: “Do you think we should search for them?

Mom: “No need. I know where they are. Let your father suffer; he deserves it.”

Another hour later, they finally arrived, my dad exhausted, my brother pleased with himself.

Dad: “Did you know he reads licence plates? He refused to leave the train station’s parking lot before reading every single one!”

My dad learned to listen to my mom the next time he brought my brother home!

Wow, Just Like In The Movies!

, , , , , | Legal | June 4, 2022

With the advent of the health crisis, there has been a marked increase in scams running around the country, including a dramatic increase in the number of cold callers. I got like one cold caller in the past decade, and I’ve gotten easily ten this year alone.

I get another scam call while at work and decide to have some fun.

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Greetings, sir. My name is [Scammer], and I wish to inform you that you’ve been selected to attend a [Bank] raffle and lucky draw. You can win prizes of up to one million dollars, with a minimum consolation prize of one hundred dollars!”

Me: “Wow. But wait, I don’t have a [Bank] bank account.”

Scammer: “Oh, that’s just fine. No [Bank] account is required to participate. As long as you have a Singaporean bank account, you’re eligible.”

Me: “I see.”

Scammer: “Just to confirm, you are a Singaporean citizen, yes?”

Me: “Yup.”

Scammer: “Excellent! Now may I have your name for my records?”

Me: “Ham Ka Chan.”

That’s Cantonese for “May your family burn in Hell.”

Scammer: “Mr. Hamka, okay. Now, may I know which occupation you work in? I believe it should be IT or office work, yes?”

Me: *Casually* “I work as a spy for Singaporean Military Intelligence.”

The scammer freezes.

Me: “Have you ever heard of any terrorists or organised crime in Singapore?”

Scammer: “No?”

Me:Exactly. We’re the reason why.”

The scammer breathes in sharply.

Me: “Now then, I highly recommend you rethink your life choices, Mr. Scammer, because I’ve dragged this call on long enough for a trace on your location to be performed. And unless you want yourself and your entire family to disappear one day, I highly encourage you to turn yourself in. The police will have far, far more mercy than our torturers.”

Scammer: *Panicking* “Oh, no, no, no, no! This can’t be happening.” *Click*

I look around at the rest of my coworkers in the break room.

Me: “Scam call.”

Sergeant: “Did you seriously threaten to have him assassinated? I mean, we may be spies, but that’s beyond our mandate.”

Me: “I know that. You know that. We all know that. But he doesn’t know that.”

Saoirse Ain’t Got Nothing On This

, , , , , , | Right | June 4, 2022

I have a very Irish name that’s tough to spell, so I normally accept that “Mave” or “Maeve” will be written on my coffee orders, and honestly, that’s fine.

I order a coffee in the UK using my thick Irish accent.

Barista: “And the name?”

Me: “M is fine.”

Another customer behind me speaks up, definitely not Irish.

Customer: “You shouldn’t do that! It’s their job to get your name right; it’s not your job to make it easier for them.”

Me: “First of all… wow. Second, if you can spell my name right the first time, I’ll buy you your coffee.”

Customer: *All smiles* “Easy! What’s your name?”

I say the proper pronunciation of my name, and the customer looks all smug.

Customer: “M-A-E-V-E.”

Me: *Producing a student ID card* “Wrong. It’s M-E-A-D-H-B-H.”

The customer is staring at “Meadhbh” in disbelief. He then looks up at me and then at the barista smiling, and then he just slowly saunters out of the coffee shop.

Barista: “Wow.”

Me: “It’s okay. All those consonants. He didn’t have a chance!”