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Wow. A Rude Customer Finally Did it.

, , , , , , | Legal | October 20, 2021

My dad was a sheriff’s deputy, and part of his job was to provide security in a courtroom. This included small claim lawsuits.

He would tell me about some of the most ridiculous lawsuits he would stand by and hear while trying to maintain a straight face, such as one idiot who sued his former boss. One day, after getting chewed out by said boss, he dreamed that he’d gotten into a fistfight with him and punched himself in the mouth in his sleep, knocking out a tooth. He thought his boss should pay his dental bill. I’ll let you guess how THAT one went.

However, the most notable lawsuit was this huge, burly oaf who seemed physically incapable of speaking without shouting. He sued (the parents of) a poor, terrified sixteen-year-old girl because she’d mistakenly shortchanged him $20 in a supermarket during a long, tiring shift. The store manager, who’d been brought in as a witness, testified that the man — who unsurprisingly made a scene in front of everyone in the store berating her — was repaid immediately after the girl’s till was balanced and it was determined to have $20 extra. He then stood next to the girl, waving the bill in the air, yelling, “DON’T GO TO [GIRL]’s REGISTER! SHE’S A THIEF AND WILL RIP YOU OFF!” They ended up having to call security to put him out.

Judge: “Okay, you got your money back. Why are we here? And how does this equate to $3,000 in damages?”

Customer: “I’m here for theft and consumer fraud and breach of trust! I deserve $3,000 in punitive damages!”

The verdict? The judge ordered him to pay the court a $2,500 fine for filing a frivolous lawsuit. Meanwhile, the parents had countersued for $1,000 for mental distress caused on their daughter. The judge awarded them the maximum statutory limit of $3,000, adding that the parents should give it all to the girl.

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It’s Counterintuitive, But He Should’ve Listened To The Salesman

, , , | Right | CREDIT: luther_williams | October 20, 2021

I used to sell cars, and the dealership I worked at had a policy of being honest, honoring our word, and not advertising bulls***. This was both a blessing and a curse, because our competitors didn’t abide by the same rules, and if you took a split second to look at our reviews compared to our competitor reviews, you’d see that.

I was working a deal on a truck for a customer and it had a conquest rebate of $1,500. We were at roughly $40,000. The customer I was working with qualified for that conquest rebate.

However, before I closed him, he was browsing on his phone, and he saw a competing dealer offering a very similar F150 for $35,000. Our offer to him was basically invoice minus rebates. I knew this dealership was lying on several fronts and I explained how the dealer got to the $35,000 price.

Me: “They didn’t include freight or prep in any of their advertising; they have small print saying this. They stacked rebates that weren’t stackable. They included every single conditional rebate possible; you won’t qualify for those rebates. They have mandatory add-ons — such as VIN etching, nitrogen in tires, and tinting — that they won’t mention until you get there, and they charge a lot for those options. I also know that the general manager at this dealership never does invoice deals, ever.”

I tried to explain this to my customer, and of course, he didn’t believe me because I’m a car salesman and no one should trust a salesman.

Me: “It’s close to closing, I know what the inventory on your vehicle looks like, and it’s really unlikely the conquest rebate of $1,500 will be available come tomorrow.”

Customer: “I’m going to go to [Competing Dealer] and get a better deal since you refuse to beat their offer.”

We couldn’t. If we’d have matched their offer, we’d be losing tons.

Me: “The price we offer is off the table the second we close up shop for the night, and tomorrow the deal could be completely different.”

He went to the other dealer. The next afternoon, he came back fuming.

Customer: “Can you believe they wanted to charge me freight and prep?”

Yes, I could.

Customer: “Can you believe they included rebates I didn’t qualify for?”

Yes, I could.

Customer: “Can you believe they included rebates that can’t be combined?”

Yes, I could.

Customer: “Can you believe they wanted to charge me thousands and thousands of dollars for bulls*** add-ons?”

Yes, I could.

Me: “What price did they finally come to?”

Customer: “$42,500.”

Me: “Did you buy the truck?”

Customer: “No way in h*** was I going pay $2,500 for the same d*** truck then I could get from you!”

Me: *Smiling* “So, you want the truck?”

Customer: “Yes, let’s just get this over with.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, the conquest rebate didn’t get renewed, so your new price is $41,500.”

Customer: *Staring blankly* “Are you f****** kidding?”

Me: “Nope. Here, I can show you.”

I showed him the list of rebates from the month prior, and the expiration date on those rebates — which was the previous day — and then I showed him the new list of rebates which clearly showed no conquest rebate.

Customer: “Look, if you don’t honor the price you gave me yesterday, I’m just going back to the other place.”

Me: “Every dealer has access to the exact same rebates. They also don’t have the conquest rebate anymore, so if yesterday their price was $42,500, today their price is going be $44,000.”

He huffed and puffed and bought the truck.

Rebates are not money from our dealership; rebates are money directly from the factory. If the factory decides to stop offering a rebate, I have zero control over that.

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Karma Is Sweeter Than Lemonade

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: L3n777 | October 19, 2021

I once hosted an event in a bar — a kind of celebration for police trainees, new recruits, that kind of thing.

As I was busy slaving away, pouring drinks, etc., this one woman who was absolutely full of herself was watching me pour measures for another customer, making comments about the amount of ice in drinks, how I was using the wrong glass — I wasn’t — and other obnoxious comments about how she was waiting to be served and she was here first — she wasn’t. I was pouring some spirits — for those who don’t know, they come in standard sizes of 25 ml for singles, 50ml for doubles, etc. I reached the end of the bottle as I was pouring the whiskey and there was a tiny drop left, so I just poured those few extra ml into the glass. You shouldn’t really do that, but who cares, right?

The woman got up in my face.

Woman: “It’s technically illegal to pour extra measures. The law is the law, and you should follow the law to the letter!”

I tried to brush it off and ignore her and carried on serving other customers. But there she was, commenting on pretty much everything I was doing, and as everyone who has worked in customer service knows, it’s very annoying to have everything scrutinised and commented on as though you’re nothing but a useless piece of garbage.

It came to the woman’s turn and she asked for an alcoholic beverage. So, using my limited powers, I asked her for her ID. She went bright red in the face and stuttered something about being old enough to be in the police.

Me: “Sorry. If you don’t have ID, I can’t legally serve you. The law is the law, after all.”

Lo and behold, she didn’t have ID and had to settle for lemonade.

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Karma, Thy Name Is Porsche

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2021

A man swaggers through the front doors of our bookstore

Mr. Porsche: “I have a book put on hold under [Mr. Porsche].”

Me: *After searching* “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t seem to find it.”

Mr. Porsche: “I called here ten minutes ago and the lady said she had it in her hand.”

I call the information desk, because sometimes the hold doesn’t actually make it across the thirty feet of floor space to the registers where holds are. There are no holds waiting for a trip to Registers. No one remembers talking to a [Mr. Porsche]. No one recalls handling a book of that title.

Mr. Porsche: *Getting agitated* “I called here and the lady had it in her hand! She said it would be under [Mr. Porsche]! Her name was [Employee].”

Me: “Er, we don’t have an [Employee] working at our store. Are you sure you called us and not in [Other City starting with the same letter] or [Competitor] bookstore? They’re right next to our number in the phonebook.”

Mr. Porsche: “NO! I CALLED HERE! Hurry up and find my f****** book! My Porsche is parked in front of your store doors! I’m blocking three cars in, so just hurry the f*** up!”

I’m stunned. Some people!

Me: “Sir, I highly advise you to park your car, legally, in our parking lot rather than risk a ticket. Security patrols every few minutes.”

Mr. Porsche: “I don’t want my Porsche to get a door ding, so hurry up and find my book!”

I struggle not to knock my own head off with an epic facepalm. I search book by book in our holds, but there’s nothing under his name. Nothing even similar to his name. No titles even remotely close to the title he claims is on hold.

He’s getting louder and more aggressive, banging his hands on the desk, and insisting that he is not wrong, he did call our store, that [Employee] does in fact work here, and I [expletive] need to [expletive] hurry the [expletive] up.

An Info Desk employee comes over to tell him that 1) they have searched for the title and not found it in our database, confirming that he didn’t call us because we literally don’t even carry that book, and 2) that the book is indeed on hold at [Competitor], two miles down the road.

Insert rant to the effect of: Wrong! Info Person is a liar, so “this b****” (meaning me) needs to hurry up and find it, because we’re a bookstore; therefore, we carry books, and it has to be here and he’s not moving until—

Cue the beeping of a tow truck outside our doors.

Mr. Porsche: “S***!”

He bolted out the door and a yelling fight ensued between [Mr. Porsche], security — who happened to be writing [Mr. Porsche] a ticket — and the tow truck driver.

[Mr. Porsche] returned several days later to scream at our managers because it was OUR fault that his illegally parked Porsche incurred a ticket and nearly got towed away. He was subsequently trespassed and banned by the police due to his stubborn refusal to a) stop swearing, b) stop screaming at the top of his lungs, and c) stop becoming aggressive and violent by using hardback books as missiles.

And I had so naively thought that bookstores would be the calmer option in the world of retail.

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When A Crappy Solution Isn’t

, , , , , , , | Friendly | October 19, 2021

One of the reasons we bought our home was the uninterrupted views of the lake it sat on. In spring, we watched the ducklings grow and flowers spring up; in winter, it was a beautiful white backdrop that we would walk in the snow.

Unfortunately, this was largely disrupted by someone parking their rusty old van on the grass, directly blocking our view. We tried asking — there were plenty of other actual spaces. We also tried getting help from the council, but they didn’t care. Nothing worked.

Then, I came up with a plan. I left one last note on the van, asking them to be neighbourly; if they moved just a few meters along, they wouldn’t block anyone. But I found the note on the ground screwed up, so that was that.

Every day, I would go to the van and scatter birdseed, and in the tree nearby I hung bird feeders. I had different types of food for all the local birds, and I applied it liberally.

For weeks, I did this and the van sat there. Eventually, it was covered in bird poo. The driver stopped parking there afterward.

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