Why Dance Rhymes With Romance

, , , , | Romantic | September 12, 2012

(It’s my birthday, and my girlfriend has cooked me an amazing dinner at home. Note: she has lost 90% of her left leg due to bone cancer when she was 17. The other thing to note is that my car’s radio/cassette player has been stolen, so I use an old boom box. Because the boom box had started melting in the car due to the Phoenix heat, I’ve gotten into the habit of bringing it inside with me when I leave my car. Thus, my girlfriend isn’t surprised when I bring the boom box in.)

My Girlfriend: “So? How was it?”

Me: “‘How was it?’ Are you kidding? You’re a fantastic cook!”

My Girlfriend: *smiling* “Okay…gift time!”

Me: “You mean you planned more than steak and potatoes for your ‘steak and potatoes’ man?”

My Girlfriend: “Yup.”

(She hands me an envelope, which I promptly open up.)

Me: “Sting tickets? You got me Sting tickets?! Oh my God, I love you!”

My Girlfriend: “I thought you’d like it!”

Me: “I love it! And you! And now… your present.”

My Girlfriend: “My present? It’s your birthday.”

Me: “Trust me on this one.”

(I pick her up and set her down on her one leg in the middle of her living room. She didn’t usually wear her prosthetic at home because it is uncomfortable.)

My Girlfriend: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Shhh. I said to trust me.”

(I move to the boom box and hit play for the CD. Our song, Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me,” starts playing. I then start to slow dance with my girlfriend.)

My Girlfriend: *tearing up* “I haven’t danced since I lost my leg.”

Me: *softly* “I know…”

(We slow-danced until the song was over, with her shedding tears of joy the whole way through the song. And while our relationship didn’t last, it was a truly amazing date for that dance alone.)

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Grandma Won’t Be Outmatched

, , , , , , , | Right | August 31, 2012

(I’m a customer and am standing in line at the checkout behind a very sweet-looking little old lady. She’s a stereotypical, blue-haired, tiny woman dressed in a very nice yellow and pink pantsuit. The cashier is a nice-looking young man in his late teens or early twenties.)

Little Old Lady: *to the cashier* “You know, you’re a very handsome young man, and you can hold down a job. That’s a good thing.”

Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

(The lady then proceeds to chat in a very friendly manner to the cashier. While talking, she’s very slowly and carefully placing one item at a time on the conveyor.)

Little Old Lady: “So, I think my granddaughter would be perfect for you. She’s just turned nineteen, she has a nice job of her own, and she’s pretty. You boys like redheads, right?”

Cashier: *dazed look*

Little Old Lady: “You really should meet her. I just know you two would be perfect for each other! I know these things!”

Cashier: “Um, ma’am—”

Little Old Lady: “So, what do you say? Would you like to meet my Linda?”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I’m gay.”

(At this, the sweet-faced little old lady just blinks and smiles.)

Little Old Lady: “Okay, so you need to meet my grandson instead!”


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Cos-Proposal

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 17, 2012

(My then-boyfriend and I are at ‘Otakon’ in Baltimore. We have just run into a Jareth cosplayer, the Goblin King character from the film ‘Labyrinth’, played by David Bowie. I am a huge fan.)

Me: “Oh, my, God! Jareth!”

(I start ‘fan-girling’ over the amazing costume with the Cosplayer, who is playing up the costume really well.)

Boyfriend: “I remember the end. Sarah was stupid not to acccept his offer.”

Me: “Don’t ruin it by reminding me that the Goblin King didn’t get his Queen.”

(He suddenly gets down on one knee and takes my hand.)

Boyfriend: “I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want.”

Me: *stunned* “Oh, God.”

Boyfriend: *pulls out ring* “Just fear me. Love me. Do as I say and I will be your slave.”

Me: *grinning like an idiot* “Yes. Yes! YES!”

(I grab him in a stranglehold of a hug.)

Me: “How many times did you watch that movie to remember that line?”

Boyfriend: *putting the ring on my finger* “Don’t ask, but I knew that you’d only say yes if I did something unique.”

Jareth Cosplayer: “Well played.”


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I Have A Good Feeling About This

, , , , , , | Right | May 31, 2012

(Our shop sells a lot of space-themed items, including a good deal of Star Wars merchandise. I am approached by two guys in their early 20s.)

Guy #1: “Excuse me, miss, but we’re about to get kicked out of your store.”

Me: “For what?”

Guy #2: “Lightsaber fighting!”

(They turn to a Star Wars display, each take a lightsaber off the rack, and spend a second figuring out how to turn them on. Right away, I duck behind the registers and return with two open lightsabers we have behind the counter from returns.)

Me: “Here, try some without the packaging.”

Guy #1: “SWEET!”

(They activate the lightsabers and proceed to have a high-energy duel in the middle of the shop, to the amusement of my coworkers and the other customers. When one wins, they deactivate and hand the lightsabers back to me.)

Guy #2: “Best. Store. Ever.”

(They left without buying anything, but with huge smiles on their faces!)

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Making A Hug(e) Difference

, , | Right | May 26, 2011

(I’m having a very bad day, having dealt with a series of unpleasant customers. I have a half-hearted smile on my face, when a six year old boy walks in. He stares at me for a second, then gives me a hug.)

Me: “Thanks, but where is your mommy?”

Boy: “She’ll be here soon.”

Me: “She might not want you hugging random strangers.”

(He shakes his head.)

Boy: “Mommy says retail people need more hugs. You looked like you needed one.”

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