So Much Pun

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 14, 2016

(I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)

Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”

(Best. Old dude. Ever.)

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The Prettiest Customer

, , , , | Right | March 14, 2016

(I’m having a bad day as I’ve heard some unfortunate news from a coworker, so my face is a bit somber. A little girl walks up with her parents to my register; her head barely peeks above the counter. I love kids and normally interact with them when I am ringing up the items.)

Little Girl: *softly* “You’re pretty.”

(Unfortunately, I can’t hear her because of the beeping from the register.)

Me: “What was that, sweetie?”

Little Girl: *louder* “You’re pretty.”

Me: “Aww, thank you, sweetie.”

Little Girl: “I hope I am pretty like you when I grow up!”

(My heart has melted by now.)

Me: “You are already the prettiest little girl ever! I know you will keep getting prettier as you get older!”

(I finish the transaction with her parents. As they are slowly walking away, I hear her dad.)

Dad: “That was very nice, honey. What made you say that?”

Little Girl: “Because it is true, and she wasn’t smiling when we walked in. And I wanted to get her to smile!”

(She was right. I was smiling for the rest of my shift!)

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Happy New Cheer!

, , , , , | Working | December 31, 2015

(I am the customer/patron in this story, and I have done something extremely goofy… In my attempt to leave my parking space to go home, I have gone in the wrong direction. In my defense, if I have one, it is New Year’s Day and my brain is slightly clouded with a cold. This takes place when I reach the spot where I think I am going to have to maneuver a tricky turn to go back in the other direction and leave properly. I see three parking lot attendants, two women and one man.)

Me: *yelling out my window* “Excuse me… I think I’ve gone the wrong way.”

Man #1: “You sure did, but we still love you! We won’t tell anyone.”

(I hear a male laugh somewhere behind me, presumably another employee.)

Me: *grinning* “How do I get out of here?”

Man #1: “You can just go between that pole and the cone right there.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Man #1: “Yes. I have faith in you! You gotta be a risk taker! Just don’t hit those women in the crosswalk.”

Me: *laughing* “Okay.”

(I carefully start driving in the spot he told me to.)

Man #1: “Great! You’re doing it! You got this! You’re the best! We love you! Now just turn again around those cones and you’re good!”

(I start to make my turn and see another male parking lot attendant.)

Me: “Ah! I feel like I’m going to run over a cone making this turn!”

Man #2: *very cheerfully* “It’s okay, we do it all the time!” *he kicks the cone out of my way*

Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

(I complete the turn and start on the proper exit path.)

Man #1: “You did it! You are beautiful! You are the best and don’t let anyone tell you differently!”

Me: *still laughing* “Thank you!”

Man #1: “Happy New Year! We love you!”

Me: “I love you, too!”

(I may have felt like an idiot for most of this event, but it was pretty hilarious and very sweet. Nice addition to the start of my new year!)

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A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle

, , , , , | Right | December 14, 2014

(It’s Christmas Eve. I’m waiting tables with one other waitress for the night at a diner. This waitress is a sweetheart, but has had a terrible year. She was evicted from her apartment shortly after her boyfriend died, leaving her a homeless single mother, crashing on couches, trying to finish her last year of nursing school. A man who comes in regularly asks to be placed at one of her tables. He orders a single cup of coffee, and asks for the check.)

Customer: “Miss, I have my money to pay.”

Waitress: “All right. So, that’s $1.10.”

(The customer takes her hand in his, places a wad of money in it, and closes it.)

Customer: “Merry Christmas. Keep the change.”

(He left without saying another word. She opened her hand and burst into uncontrollable tears when she found $500.00 with a note that said ‘For Mama and Baby.’)

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A New Year’s Resolution

, , , , | Related | December 31, 2013

(I have driven my SUV onto a median on New Year’s Eve. It has hit in such a way that the tires are on either side of the median and thus useless. No one stops to help, until a woman and her niece pull over.)

Woman: “Hi, I’m [Name] and this is my niece. We noticed you guys were in a little trouble there. Would you like a hand?”

Me: “It’s all right; the car is totally stuck. We’ll just have to wait for a tow truck.”

Woman: “We can at least try. We’re pretty strong; it runs in the family.”

Me: “You two are very kind, but it’s a big car and very heavy. Even I couldn’t budge it. Go on home and have a great New Year!”

Niece: “C’mon, sir, at least let us try. Get in and put it in reverse; my aunt and I will push.”

Me: *reluctantly* “Okay…”

(I get in the car and put it in reverse.)

Woman: “Okay, [Niece.] 1… 2… 3!”

(The two start pushing on the car, and somehow, it moves. After a minute, they’ve pushed it clear off the median and back into the road. It’s somehow undamaged.)

Me: “Thank you, thank you, thank you! What can I give you guys for this? How did you even do that?”

Woman: “No need to give us anything. This is what we do. And I told you: it runs in the family. Have a great New Year!”

(They drive away. The way they showed up at the right moment and pushed the SUV off the median undamaged, even without the use of tires, was nothing short of miraculous. To this day I wonder if they were just two very strong women, or were they something more.)

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