Little Nuggets Of Interest

, , , , , , | Right | December 21, 2010

(I am providing a tour through Ireland and explaining its history.)

Me: “…and then the Danish Vikings and the Norse Vikings got together and created the most fantastic thing in the world. Does anyone know what that is?”

Young Passenger: “Chicken nuggets!”

Me: “I was going to say red hair, but that answer just blows mine out of the water!”

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The Lesser Of Teen Evils

, , , , , , | Right | December 19, 2010

(A man and his two sons are checking out through my register. The younger of the two sons grabs a bag of Skittles from the candy selection.)

Son: “Dad, can I have some Skittles?”

Dad: “No. Teenage girls eat Skittles. And what are teenage girls?”

Both Sons: *raising their little fists in the air* “EVIL!”

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Acting Juvie-nile

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2010

(While stocking the shelves I overhear a young boy from a few aisles over. He sounds very distressed.)

Boy: “What?! Are you freaking kidding me? Nuh-uh! No way!”

(The kid sounds like he is really in trouble, so my coworker and I go to investigate. He is sitting in front of the back-to-school section with his mother.)

Boy: “I have to go back to school?! What do you mean, I have to go back?! I just got out!”

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Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | April 7, 2010

(One of my regulars comes to my cash with her small child. The mother is very much pregnant.)

Me: “Oh, hello, [Mother] and [Daughter]. How are you today?”

Customer: “We’re great!” *turns to daughter* “Tell [My Name] what Mommy is going to have in September!”

Customer’s Daughter: “A baby!”

Me: “Really? What do you hope it’ll be?”

Customer’s Daughter: “A puppy!”

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The Wisdom To Know The Difference

, , , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2010

(I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

Customer: “You’d better!”

(Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Where’s the f****** ranch?”

Employee: “Right away, sir!”

Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

Wife: *to the employee* “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

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