The Five-Minute Fan

, , , | Right | February 17, 2010

(At the bookstore where I work, we sell tickets for local events.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like tickets.”

Me: “All right, for which show?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I heard about it on the radio today, but I can’t remember who it is.”

Me: “Did they say when the concert was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Was it coming up soon?”

Customer: *shrugs*

Me: “Do you remember anything at all about it?”

Customer: “I think the guy’s name was…” *spews out a couple syllables as he tries to guess a name*

Me: “Is it [Name]?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! I want tickets for that show!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that show is tonight, and it’s been sold out for the past week.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “There haven’t been tickets available for a few days now.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve been waiting ages to go see this show, and now you’re telling me I can’t? This is ridiculous!”

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We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2010

(At the front of our store is a bin full of loose fantasy figurines.  One night, two pre-teen boys come in and start rounding up all the fairy princesses they can find, naming each one after p*rn stars. They proceed to stage some pretty graphic stuff with the toys, complete with language and racial slurs.)

Me: “You kids drop those toys, right now! This is a family store, you got it? You either clean your language up or get out of here. NOW!”

(The boys stare at me open-mouthed. One of them squeaks, “Yes, ma’am,” and they both drop the toys and run.)

Coworker:  “Wow! Way to go!”

Me:  “Yeah, you don’t mess with the Toy Store Amazon.”

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Age Before Cutie

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2010

(This happens when I am a teenager. I have long hair and sometimes wear it in pigtails. I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer.)

Customer: “Aw, I just love your hair! It looks so cute!”

Me: “Thanks! I like wearing it up like this, but it makes me look younger than I am. I get called ‘hun’ and ‘sweetheart’ a lot when it’s up.”

Customer: *gasps* “Now, you listen here! I’m one of those ones who calls people ‘hun’ and I don’t like your attitude. You need to learn to take a compliment and not be such a brat!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: *grabs her stuff out of my hands, marches away, and slams the door behind her*

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Minor Dramas Are Major For Minors

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

(The customer rips the lid off of the shake I just handed her and frowns.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “That’s a vanilla shake.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I want a vanilla shake.”

Me: “Well, I made it myself so I promise you it’s vanilla. Would you like me to remake it?”

Customer: “No, I just want a vanilla shake! This doesn’t look like vanilla at all. It’s all yellow.”

Me: “Ah, the vanilla syrup gives the shake a yellow tinge. It’s supposed to look like that.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not ME you have to convince, it’s the seven-year-old in the car. He won’t be happy!”

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We Prefer Not To Watch Dr. Manhattan’s Project

, , , , , , | Right | February 4, 2010

Customer: “Hi, do you sell stuff from the Watchmen movie?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Since the movie was rated R, there are no licensed Watchmen products marketed to children.”

Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find Watchmen stuff?”

Me: “Do you have something that you’re looking for in particular?”

Customer: “Well, my son’s school is having a superhero-themed day where all the kids are supposed to come to school in costume. My son wanted to go as Dr. Manhattan.”

Me: “Dr. Manhattan? Ma’am, do you know anything about him?”

Customer: “I know that he’s blue. Don’t you have anything at all?”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, Dr. Manhattan walks around completely naked. Part of the reason the movie is rated R is because you see… everything… when he’s on-screen.”

Customer: “Uh-huh. Do you think [Other Store] sells Watchmen stuff?”

Me: *giving up* “I’m sure it would be worth a shot…”


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

Read the next story in the roundup!

Read the “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

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