(I am in line at a fast food restaurant. After reading the menu, I note that the menu states the value meal includes a small drink and small French fry. I pull up to the speaker and order.)

Cashier: *on speaker* “What can I get you?”

Me: “I would like a #4 value meal with a [Soda]. That will be all, thank you.”

Cashier: *on speaker* “That will be $6.98. Please pull forward.”

Me: *even though it seems a little high* “Okay, thanks.”

(I pull to the window and the cashier hands out my food with the order ticket taped to the bag. I hand her my debit card for payment and I glance at the order ticket.)

Me: *to cashier bending over register* “Hey, you charged me an extra $0.58 for a medium drink and a medium fry. The meal comes standard with small sizes.”

Cashier: *sputters* “Well, we were trained to up-size if the customer doesn’t say they only want small.”

(The manager notices us and comes to the window. The cashier closes the window to confer with him.)

Manager: *opens window back up* “I am sorry about that. Let me refund that for you. She is new and is supposed to be trained to ask if you want medium sizes. Please let me see your receipt and debit card for refund.”

Me: *hands debit card and receipt back to him* “I literally asked for the meal number with a [Soda] to drink. I did not ask for anything extra and she didn’t ask. I assumed I would get what the menu states.”

Manager: *returns debit card and refund receipt* “Again, sorry about that.”

Me: “I cannot hold those big size drink cups, and a lot of customer don’t want the extra calories.”

(I pulled out of the parking lot thinking that they only want to squeeze every penny out of unsuspecting customers.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I—”

Customer: “You had better make sure these coupons work this time!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yeah, last time we came here they wouldn’t take these coupons for our order.”

Me: “Well, let me take a look. Yeah, these are good; says here you get a free soft drink with any sandwich order.”

Customer: “Good. I will have the chili cheese dog with my free drink.”

Me: *confused look* “Then… your coupon is not going to work.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “That coupon is for a sandwich; you are ordering a hot dog.”

Customer: “Well, if a hot dog is not a sandwich, then what is it?!”

Me: “A hot dog.”

Customer: “I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER!”

(Sure thing, lady. Sure thing.)

(I work at a bakery in a large retail store.)

Customer: “What flavor cupcakes do you have?”

(All of our baked goods come in frozen.)

Me: “White or chocolate.”

Customer: “Do you have marble?”

Me: “No. We have white or chocolate. You can do half-and-half if you like.”

Customer: “So… you don’t have marble?”

Me: “No. We have white or chocolate.”

Customer: “Do you have strawberry?”

Me: “White or chocolate.”

Customer: “Do you have spice cake?”

Me: “We offer white or chocolate cupcakes.”

Customer: “So… no marble, then?”

(This went on for a few more minutes. I did eventually take the order, but, seriously?)

(I work in a department store’s shoe department. We have a display pair of shoes out on the sales floors for customers to see and we have the boxes for the shoes stored in our stockroom. On this day we have received a shipment of a couple dozen new styles of boots for the fall that I, since I am the only one scheduled on this busy day in the department, have not made displays for yet.)

Me: *notices a woman looking at some of the boots with an unhappy expression and goes up to her* “Hello, ma’am. Are you finding everything you are looking for today, or do you need any help?”

Customer: “Yes. I am looking for a tall, black leather boot that is on the plain side and I’d prefer it to be more dressy. I will be wearing it with leggings so I want it to be more form-fitted to my legs, but I can’t seem to find one like that here or anywhere!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we did get a shipment of new styles in this morning. Due to us being on the busy side I haven’t had a chance to put them on display yet, but I think they would be exactly what you are looking for. Would you like me to bring them out for you?”

(She nods and tells me the size. I go, pull them from the stock room, and show them to her.)

Customer: “Oh, my God! Those look like exactly what I want!”

(The rest of the interaction goes on with her trying on the shoes and talking about how perfect they would be with all her outfits. It goes very smoothly up until I go to check her out.)

Me: “So these boots are currently on sale for $79.99. I know the price is up there but [Coupon A] would take off 20%, [Coupon B] would take off 30%, and [Coupon C], if you add your $20 top you have in your cart, will take $50 off your entire purchase.”

Customer: *suddenly very agitated* “These boots shouldn’t be coming up for 80 bucks! They should be free!”

Me: *confused* “What do you mean they should be free?”

Customer: *rolling her eyes, with a mocking tone* “They don’t have a display with the price or tickets on them! They are not marked any price. That means they should be free!”

Me: “No, they do not have the price or ticket marking the price. But the ticket does not determine the price of the boots. Our system does, using the barcode on the box.” *points to the barcode with UPC on box* “That is why they are coming up about $80.”

(The customer snatches the box of boots and holds them to her body, gives me a death glare, and starts shouting.)

Customer: “I don’t care what your machine says! They should be free because they aren’t marked the price! Either you give them to me for free or I’m leaving!”

Me: *snatching the box back* “Well, I hope you have a great rest of the day, then!”

(I turned to return the boots to my stockroom. The woman just stood there in stunned silence with her mouth open. After a second she huffed and stomped away, never to be seen in shoes again.)

(My husband swears like a truck-driving sailor. This has never bothered me, but since the birth of our daughter he’s tried to watch his language around her, especially now that our daughter is two and likes to repeat anything she finds especially funny. One day my husband accidentally stubs his toe against the wall and starts to yell, “MOTHER…” Seeing our daughter staring up at him he ends with, “…Hubbard!” The next day we are out to lunch with my rather conservative parents. Our daughter is in a high chair and accidentally drops her sippy cup on the floor.)

Daughter: *screams as loud as she can* “MOTHER HUBBARD!”

(The few other people in the restaurant turn to stare at us.)

Mother: “[Husband]!”

Husband: “What?”

Mother: “You know what!”

Husband: *meekly* “Well, she wasn’t swearing… Do I get points for that at least?”

(For the next two weeks we had to endure our daughter shouting, “Mother Hubbard!” whenever anything happened she didn’t like. My husband still maintains he should get credit for teaching her an “acceptable substitute.”)