(One of my students runs up to me in the gym; he’s two and a half.)
Student: “I pooped!”
Me: “Oh? Do you mean right now in your diaper? Or did you poop in the toilet earlier?”
Student: *like I’m an idiot* “I didn’t poop in the toilet!”
Me: “Okay. Well, let’s go back to the classroom and get you changed.”
Student: “Okay!” *pause* “Can I come with you?”
Me: *pause* “Yes.”
(I run payroll for a temporary employment agency. Employees are hired by us to work for a client for a ninety-day trial, and then employees are eligible to be hired directly by our client. We usually agree to the client’s work policies, but policies must adhere to federal and state labor laws. One particular client does not like anyone to work over forty hours. Today, I received a call from an employee about her time card.)
Employee: “I need to change my hours on my last time card from 41 to 40 hours because I am not supposed to work overtime.”
Me: “Sorry, I cannot change the hours if that is what you worked.”
Employee: “Well, I will have to leave early today, so they won’t have to pay overtime.”
Me: “Again, sorry. I already ran that week’s payroll, plus you have started a new week. You cannot roll hours from one week to another week just so you don’t incur overtime.”
Employee: “But I can get in trouble for working overtime.”
Me: *huffing* “I am not fussing at you. I understand they have a policy against overtime, but you and [Client] both signed the time card stating that your hours were correct.”
Employee: “But I said it was okay not to pay me overtime since I wasn’t watching my hours close enough. [Client] said that I need to come in early to make sure I am prepared to start work on time but that it is considered personal time. I am okay with that being personal time and accidentally recorded it as work time.”
Me: *surprised* “Wait, [Client] is requiring you to be at work early? First, what are you doing when you come in early? Second, federal law actually prohibits you from consenting not to be paid for the hours you actually worked.”
Employee: “I am booting up my computer and preparing for customers.”
Me: “Just so you know, according to federal and state law, you have to be paid for the hours you actually work, including overtime. Overtime is calculated during the established pay period and you cannot alter hours or move them from one week to another to avoid overtime. Again, [Client] signed the time card and you acknowledged on the phone that you did work those hours.”
Employee: “Oh, okay. Thank you for the information.”
Me: “Look, I am on your side, and it’s the law. [Client] can make it a policy not to work overtime and can discipline you working over forty hours. You will need to watch your time this week and then take off early on the last day of the pay period if needed. Make sure you inform your supervisor of this the day before or whatever notification they need.”
Employee: “Oh, okay.”
Related:
Overtime Crime, Part 10
Overtime Crime, Part 9
Overtime Crime, Part 8
(I have just started working in the bakery of a grocery store and don’t know how to do much of anything.)
Customer: “I need you to write on a cake for me.”
Me: “I’m sorry, the cake decorator just went home and I still haven’t learned how to write on cakes yet.”
Customer: “Well, can you just write, ‘Mom,’ on it?”
Me: “No? I can’t write on cakes, miss; I haven’t learned how yet.”
Customer: “Well, h***, it can’t be that hard. Give me a bag of icing.”
(We technically aren’t allowed to let customers write on their own cakes, but I want her to go away, so I let her have one.)
Customer: “Well. What? WHY DOES THIS LOOK HORRIBLE? I need a new cake.”
(At this point, the phone rang so I excused myself and left my coworker to the customer’s stupidity.)
(This is back in the days of landlines and touch-tone phones. For those of you unfamiliar with this technology, in our area of the US at least, after initiating a call, you could press the number buttons on a landline and the corresponding would sound in the earpiece of the person on the other end. Also, the longer you pressed, the longer the tone. I call my best friend and his sister answers. We’re all around the age of 14. I’m known for messing with my friend’s siblings…)
Friend’s Sister: *answers phone* “Hello?”
Me: *BEEP*
Friend’s Sister: “[My Name]?”
Me: *affirmative BEEP*
Friend’s Sister: “[Friend] isn’t here right now.”
Me: *sad BEEP*
Friend’s Sister: “I’ll have him call you when he gets back.”
Me: *happy BEEP*
Friend’s Sister: “Bye.”
Me: *BEEP*
(A customer comes in with a gift card he won at a convention. While it is a card we take, it is generally used for diesel purchases and he has already pumped his gasoline. This conversation happens after I’ve tried running it several different ways and calling the card company.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it looks like this card won’t run. Do you have another way to pay?”
Customer: “This is bulls***! Run it again!”
Me: “Sir, I’ve already tried every way I know to run it. I’ve called the issuing company and they couldn’t do anything, either. Are you sure it had money on it?”
Customer: “Of course it did! I just won it in a drawing! How long have you even worked here?!”
(This question happens a lot when customers get mad and try and bully any of the girls working. I’m generally pretty easygoing and soft-spoken, but this always gets me riled up.)
Me: *smiling* “Five years.”
Customer: “Oh… Well, fine, here’s the cash!”
(He threw his money on the counter. Unfortunately, he came back the next night. A truck driver stepped in and bought the card off of him before he could get too mad. I always wondered if he got ripped off!)
