Unfiltered Story #112855

, , | | Unfiltered | May 26, 2018

(I am cleaning the front end at the start of my shift while my manager and a coworker are figuring out who we have for the departments. My coworker is reading off names and my manager is seeing where we can place them. For the most part I have been quiet… then gets to this name.

Coworker: Alexa, who’s Alexa

Me: (poking my head through the wall gap) She’s with Amazon.

I then get back to work while my manager stairs in confusion and my coworker cracks up laughing.

Peppered Eyes Peppered With Lies

, , , , , , | | Working | May 24, 2018

(This happens to my friend who works at a popular sandwich shop during high school. A customer in her mid- to late-50s walks in.)

Friend: “Hello, ma’am! Welcome to [Sandwich Shop]. What can I get for you today?”  

(The customer slowly walks up to the counter and stares blankly at my friend, not saying a word.)  

Friend: “Is there anything I can help you with, ma’am?”  

Customer: *snaps awake and cheery* “Yes. Could I please get the Italian hero with a medium drink and cookies?”  

Friend: “Absolutely!”  

(My friend then proceeds to do the usual game of twenty questions when getting a sandwich done at these shops, and things are going smoothly up until she gets to the vegetable portion.)  

Friend: “What veggies will you be having on this today?”  

Customer: “Oh, I’m not sure. Could I have a look at the lettuce and spinach over the divider to see if it’s wilted, please?”

(The customer tries to give puppy dog eyes. My friend thinks this is odd, but she doesn’t to be rude and refuse, so she holds the container over the divider so the customer can see.)  

Customer: *moans* “Oh, yes, yes. Please give me a big handful of both. Could I also see the jalapeños?”

(The customer attempts to give puppy dog eyes again. Just wanting to get this order done with fast, my friend obliges her and holds the container over the divider. The customer smiles, and then immediately digs her hand into the container and squishes a handful of jalapeños on her face. She begins to scream bloody murder.)  

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, I’M BLIND! YOU STUPID B****, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME! MANAGER! MANAGER! SOMEONE GET ME A MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”

(She continues to scream until the manager comes rushing out from the office.)

Manager: *to my friend* “WHAT HAPPENED?” *grabs first-aid kit and stuff to help clean up the customer*

Friend: *still in shock* “I… I’m not sure. She just… And smacked it… Like, on herself…” *keeps staring in shock*  

Customer: “THIS B**** THREW PEPPERS AT ME AND HAS BEEN RUDELY YELLING AT ME SINCE I CAME IN! I CAN’T BELI—” *gets cut off by the manager*  

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go talk in my office to get this whole thing resolved.” *to another coworker in the backroom* “Go take [Friend] into the break room and cover the register, please.” *quietly to my friend* “I’ll be back there in a bit. Go relax until I get this sorted.”

(My friend waited for around ten minutes before the manager came back to get her. Apparently, once the manager got the customer’s details down he asked her if she could show him where in the video my friend had thrown the peppers, and she got nervous and ran out, saying that wouldn’t be necessary. My friend got sent home with a free sandwich to cool off and calm down after everything that happened. Later that week, they all found out that woman had been going around town to the different locations trying to get free stuff and people fired.)

Totally Wired

, , , , , , | | Working | May 22, 2018

(We have had repeated outages with our Internet that the ISP has never managed to diagnose. They seem to correspond to rainstorms, and tech support constantly says they cannot find any problem and blames it on our house wiring. After yet another outage, I walk outside and unscrew the cable connection from the outside box. I plug it directly into my cable modem and verify that I cannot connect to the Internet. This definitively proves that it cannot be the wiring in my house, so I call up the ISP and have the following exchange.)

Technician #1: “Hello, what can I do to help you today?”

Me: “I have recurring Internet outages, about which I have called repeatedly. They have occurred once again. Before you walk me through your normal steps, yes, I’ve restarted the modem, repeatedly. Also, I am plugged directly into your service drop, so this is not a problem with my house wiring.”

(The tech ignores what I just said and starts following his script:)

Technician #1: “So, you are experiencing a lack of Internet connectivity. Have you restarted the modem?”

Me: “Yes. As I told you, I’ve restarted the modem and am plugged directly into your service drop.”

Technician #1: “Okay, sir. Let me see if I can ping your modem.” *pauses* “I am unable to ping your modem. This most likely indicates a problem with the wiring in your house, as we have no reports of service outages in your area.”

Me: “It is not the wiring in my house. As I told you, I am plugged directly into your service drop. I am bypassing the wiring in my house entirely. It cannot possibly be the wiring in my house.”

Technician #1: “Sir, I understand what you are saying.” *obviously he does not* “But I assure you, it is most likely the wiring in your house. If we have to send out a technician and he finds that it is the wiring in your house, you will be subject to a $150 service fee.”

Me: “I understand that. It is definitely not the wiring in my house, because I am connected to your service drop.”

Technician #1: “Before I send out a technician, I need you to check the connections in your house to be sure that you do not have a wiring problem.”

(At this point, I give up. The technician clearly has his script, and has no capacity or desire to think beyond it. I politely end the call and then call back. This time, I hit the jackpot and get a tech who immediately understands what I tell him:)

Technician #2: “Well, that pretty much proves your house wiring is not at fault. Have you tried logging into the modem…” *gives me instructions* “…to see if it is getting any signal?”

(I do what he says and confirm that it is not.)

Technician #2: “Okay. I’ll set up a service call for you for tomorrow.”

(This tech then told me that he was glad someone called up who actually knew what to check. He chatted with me for a few minutes about how little the general public understands and how he was glad I knew about things like service drops and general troubleshooting. The next day a service technician came out, and my Internet was working, but I explained about the outages and the correlation to rain. He spent a few hours in the neighborhood and finally came back to tell me he had found the problem. Squirrels had chewed their way into an equipment box on a pole and, when it rained, water would get in and short out connections. Had I not done my own testing at the service drop, they wouldn’t have found the problem, because they would have tested my connection when it was working fine and assumed it was my problem.)

Could Have Been A Much Leaner Transaction

, , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(I work at a full-service meat market. Instead of the customers picking out pre-packaged meat like at a supermarket, they can select the particular cuts and slices of the product. I am helping a customer pick out exactly which slices of bacon she wants before wrapping it up for her when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: “I want the fattiest bacon you can find.”

(I am a little taken aback, as this is an odd request. Most customers want the leanest bacon possible. But, I find the fattiest bacon I could, and hold it up to show her.)

Me: “How’s this?”

Customer: “Hmm. Do you have anything leaner than that?”

(Speechless, I hold up some bacon that is right next to the first bunch of slices I grabbed and looks virtually the same.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s better. I’ll take that.”

Me: *exasperated*

Taking You Into The Double Digits

, , , , , | | Related | May 20, 2018

(My sister and I are watching a TV show where children perform difficult mental tasks. In this round, they have to perform a series of calculations within a certain time limit. This contestant gives one answer just before the clock runs out, and the emcee is starting to give the next question:)

Em-Cee: “Nine thousand …” *timer runs out* “Time’s up!”

Sister: “Nine thousand times up? I wasn’t aware ‘up’ was a digit.”

Me: *gives her a thumbs-up* “Here’s a digit that’s ‘up.'”

Sister: *holds up middle finger* “Here’s another.”

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