Realty Bites

, , , , | Learning | November 20, 2017

I’m the idiot of this story. I need a substantial job to pay my bills, so I start searching. One of my friends tells me I’d make a good realtor, so I find a free information night at a realtor office. There are about fifteen people there, ranging from eighteen to seventy-five years old.

I immediately get labeled “Class Bigmouth” when the speaker writes on the board that his “Pet Peav” [sic] is having phones not on silent. I jokingly tell him that my pet peeve is misspelling and show him the proper spelling on my phone.

The speaker then talks about business realty and buying land for businesses, and how sometimes the business wants a certain type of land, and a good realtor will persuade the owners to sell their property if need be.

My status as “Class Bigmouth” already confirmed, I pipe up with a joke about “putting on a monster costume and hoping Scooby-Doo doesn’t show up.”

There is an absolute dead silence at this as I awkwardly try to explain the premise of Scooby-Doo to everyone. Eventually, we move on and I very quickly decide that the realtor life is not for me.

Unfiltered Story #99998

, , | Unfiltered | November 13, 2017

(I can feel a sinus infection coming on and my doctor is scheduled out three weeks. Next morning, sure enough – I can’t breathe through my nose and I feel like there’s a brick sitting on my face. I break down and go to a clinic rather than spend two weeks miserable.)
Nurse: What seems to be the issue?
Me: I think I have a sinus infection. My face hurts and I can’t breathe through my nose.
Nurse: Any fever, nausea, vomiting?
Me: No, nothing like that. I’ve been coughing a bit today, but only when I got up. I think that’s just sinus drainage.
Nurse: When you have a fever with coughing and vomiting, that’s the flu. You should go to bed and keep hydrated.
Me: I have no fever and I haven’t thrown up. I have a minor cough, but again, I think that’s sinus drainage, as it only lasted for a few minutes after I got up.
Nurse: The flu is very common right now, and there’s nothing I can really prescribe for it but hydration and rest. Here’s a prescription to ease your coughing, so there’s no more vomiting. If your fever spikes, you may need to come back in. Is there anything else?
Me: …….
(I threw the prescription away. I had the thought as I left of some poor person hobbling in there with a broken ankle and being told It’s the flu.)

Not In Touch With How Sandwiches Are Made

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I work in a small family-owned business. I am working the register at the moment, but I hear a coworker’s conversation with a customer in the restaurant area.)

Coworker: “Hi. Is there anything I can get you?”

Customer: *looking at our menu* “Umm… yeah… umm… I want a BLT.”

Coworker: “All right. What kind of bread would you like that on?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want bread. And just make sure the bacon, lettuce, and tomato don’t touch.”

(My coworker looked dumbfounded as she asked this, but we gave her what she wanted. We served her her food, and she ate only the bacon.)

On The Need For Hazard Apple Pay

, , , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(We have the card readers that you can tap your card on, or use a peer-to-peer payment app from your smartphone.)

Customer: *noticing card reader* “Oh! Does [Payment App] work on this?”

Me: “It works most of the time.”

Customer: *successfully uses card reader* “Ooooh! That was amazing. It gave me the tingles. Was it good for you?”

Me: *moves back from counter* “Thanks for coming in. Have a great day.”

They Put More Than A Few Feet Wrong

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(I am in a department store, and I overhear this discussion between two 20-somethings.)

Customer #1: “How big did you say the room is?”

Customer #2: “Ten feet by ten feet.”

Customer #1: “Okay! These boxes have ten square feet in them, so we can do the whole room with one box!”

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