North By North-Squiggly

, , | Related | June 13, 2017

(My sister and I are both at our grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. I’m not sure how, but somehow the topic reaches how bad I am at giving directions because I don’t remember street names well.)

Sister: “Do you even know how to get home?!”

Me: *pointing to the left* “Yeah, it’s that way.”

Sister: “That way! That way is called ‘East.'”

Me: *getting frustrated* “’That way’ is still that way. Whether it’s called ‘East’ or ‘Squiggly’ makes no difference to me.”

Not So Sweet On The Obvious

, , , | Right | June 13, 2017

(I work at a fast food restaurant that is known for its homemade lemonade. We have regular lemonade made with sugar, or diet made with Splenda.)

Customer: “Can I have two lemonades, a large and a small?”

Me: “Of course!”

(She sees me make them with the regular lemonade. After I finish making both of them…)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry, I wanted it with Splenda.”

Me: “No problem! Let me change that for you.”

(I remake both with the diet lemonade. She takes them and walks away. A few minutes later…)

Customer: “I’m sorry again. I want the regular lemonade. I didn’t know this one had Splenda in it.”

(I remake them again and she leaves. How did she not know that the Splenda lemonade has Splenda?)

That Wall Can’t Keep Out The Stupid

, , , , | Learning | June 7, 2017

(Our teacher is lecturing us on forms of energy. She says that wind is a form of energy and air is not. She then calls on a student because he is not paying attention.)

Teacher: “What did I just say?”

Student: “What?”

Teacher: “What did I just say?”

Student: “Wind is a form of energy!”

Teacher: “Good. What else did I say?”

Student: “Umm…”

Teacher: “What is not a form of energy?”

Student: “A wall!”

(I had to bite my lip to stop my laughter.)

Deep Pan-ic!

, , | Right | May 31, 2017

(I work at a franchise pizza restaurant in my home town. It is a strictly delivery/carry-out place, and we tend to get pretty busy towards the end of the week. I usually work at the cut table, which is in full view of the counter. A particularly peeved looking customer walks in.)

Customer: “Hey! Somebody help me here; I’m already late!”

Manager: “So sorry, sir. I’ll be right with you.”

(He rings him up, and informs him his pizza will be ready momentarily. The customer huffs and stands by the wall to wait. I’m quickly and efficiently working the cut table, trying to keep up with two ovens. I come to the customer ‘s order.)

Me: *goes through the usual motions and then finds that the pizza is stuck to the pan* “Oh, no.”

(I frantically separate the pizza from the pan to keep up with the other orders and wind up destroying it in the process. I flip the pizza into the box and immediately yell for a remake. The customer, who saw me the entire time, yells for the manager.)

Manager: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “I saw that employee cutting my pizza. He’s got a real attitude problem! He got angry, destroyed my pizza, and threw it in a box! I demand you have him reprimanded.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. He wasn’t getting angry. Your pizza was stuck to the pan and he did the best he could with what he had while trying to keep up with the volume of orders still coming out of the ovens. We’re remaking your pizza as you speak. I can give you a store credit for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I…”

(He continues to be irrational and abusive. At this point, a few of my coworkers I’m good friends with listen in while waiting on their deliveries.)

Me: “How are we coming with that re-make?”

Coworker: “It’s in the oven!”

(Eventually we get him the re-make. He walks out, then comes back in, whereupon he demands the original as well. The manager, sick of dealing with him, agrees. He finally leaves for real.)

Me: *flips off the door*

Coworker #1: “Prick!”

Coworker #2: *gives the universal “up yours” gesture*

Manager: *turns around, sees all of us* “Good riddance! [My Name], you did what you could. That guy had no right to accuse you like that.”

Coworker #1: *lightly punches my arm* “Although you need to work on your attitude problem, mister!”

(We all laughed and continued working. We never saw that customer again.)

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