Loaning Your Services

, , , , , | Working | January 9, 2018

(We have been receiving calls from a scammer once a week discussing nonexistent student loans and asking for banking information. Finally, I have had enough. The phone rings from the same call center.)

Me: “Hello.”

(Pause.)

Scammer: “Hello?”

Me: “That’s what I just said.”

Scammer: “Hello?”

Me: “I think we have already covered this part of the conversation. May we move on, or shall we greet one another once more?”

Scammer: “I would like to talk to you about refinancing your student loans.”

Me: “Okay. Have fun with that, but I’m just going to set the receiver down and go start dinner, because I am 38 and paid off all my student loans years ago.”

(I set down the phone and I could hear talking for a full two minutes before the scammer realized I wasn’t there and hung up. So, I redialled the number and said we got disconnected. I did the same thing again. And again. Until supper was ready. One scammer kept off the phone for over an hour. You’re welcome, society!)

What A Bloody Fiasco!

, , , , | Healthy | January 8, 2018

My mom is having some blood tests done. The technician takes the sample and has my mom put pressure on her arm for a few minutes. Mom then puts on her coat, leaves the office, and heads for the elevator.

When the elevator arrives, the woman inside looks at my mom and shouts, “LADY!” Mom looks down and sees blood running down her arm and hand.

She goes back to the doctor’s office, where the staff bandage her arm, clean her coat as best they can, and make her wait half an hour to make sure she’s OK before sending her home.

The next morning, she gets a call from the doctor’s office. “Could you come in again today? The driver who came to pick up the samples yesterday dropped and broke them all.”

Pets-Not-Smart

, , , | Right | January 6, 2018

(It’s around opening time and I am working as a cashier. I am doing my opening duties and then the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant] in [City]. My name is [My Name]. Could I start you off with a [Soda] product on limited time offer today?”

Customer: “No, sir, not today. Do you know what the name of the store is next to you? I think it’s called PetSmart or something like that.”

(In my mind I’m thinking, ‘What the f***, guy. Really?’)

Me: “I believe that’s what it’s called.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Standby, sir.”

(At this moment I put him on hold, walk outside, look at the sign, and walk back inside.)

Me: “Well, sir, I walked outside to double check and yes, that’s what the store is called.”

Customer: “Okay, cool! Do you know what time they’re open?”

(I’m typically very patient with my customers, but at this point, I was getting rather annoyed.)

Me: “No, sir, I do not know what time they’re open.”

Customer: “But you just walked outside and looked at the sign. I mean you should know that considering your stores are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER… Actually, never mind. I’m going to use Google.”

(He hangs up the phone.)

Me: *sighs*

Naming The American Way

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 2, 2018

(I managed to earn a scholarship to a small, highly-rated private high school a little over an hour away from where I live, in a MUCH wealthier area. The community is very welcoming, but there are a few small differences in culture and attitude that sometimes leave me a little confused. I discover one of these when a foreign exchange student transfers into my small, tight-knit English class and we all introduce ourselves.)

Me: “Hi! My name’s [My Name]. It’s really nice to meet you!”

Teacher: “Wait, [My Name]? I thought you preferred [Variation of My Name].”

Me: “I don’t really have a preference. I usually just go by [My Name], since it’s what’s on all my important documents and such. But as long as I know you’re talking to me, you can pretty much call me whatever variation you want.”

Classmate #1: “Is that why you never correct your partner in engineering class when he calls you [Yet Another Variation of My Name]? I tried to correct him once, but he said that was how you introduced yourself to him, so he wasn’t going to change.”

Teacher: “Seriously?! Has everybody been calling you the wrong name this whole time? And you never said anything?! Addressing someone by their preferred name is a sign of respect! We can’t do that if you don’t let people know they’re using the wrong one!”

Me: “Really? I guess I never really saw it that way. People around me growing up pretty much just used names to refer to someone or get their attention, but not really out of respect. I guess this explains why people around here call people by name so often, even when it’s already obvious who you’re referring to.”

Classmate #1: “Well, it definitely explains why you never seem to use names in conversation. And if you only use names out of necessity, not as a matter of respect, then I guess it wouldn’t matter so much if people use the wrong one.”

Teacher: “Hm. Well, that was educational. So, it’s cool if we keep calling you [Variation of My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah, totally fine. So, back to introducing [Foreign Exchange Student]. Enjoying classes here so far?”

Foreign Exchange Student: “Yes, but I’ve been in this class all of twenty minutes and I’m already confused. Should I use first names often? Avoid using them? Which one is more accepted throughout America?”

Classmate #2: “Heck if any of us would know. I’d say, if you remember someone’s name, use it. If you don’t, mumble something close and hope for the best. Or, maybe just ask their name again.”

Teacher: “Yeah, if teaching the kids from [City I Grew Up In] has taught me anything, it’s that even Americans don’t totally agree on the finer points of culture and etiquette. Seems like you’re better off just going with the flow wherever possible.”

Foreign Exchange Student: “That… doesn’t actually sound like very helpful advice.”

Classmate #1: “Brace yourself, dude. American culture only gets more vague and weird from there.”

Unfiltered Story #102207

| Unfiltered | December 29, 2017

I’m a professional body piercer at one of the best studios in the state. We use the highest quality jewelry possible and because of this out prices are a little higher than most run of the mill shops.

Me: Hello! What can I do for you today?

Customer: I want to get my belly button pierced!

Me: Awesome! Let me just check your anatomy really quick and get your paperwork taken care of. Here is the jewelry we can use for that area. The piece is going to be dependent on the jewelry that you choose, so let me know what you like and ill let you know a price.

Customer: I like this one! *pointing to a very nice double gem prong set piece in implant grade titanium*

Me: Very good choice! That piece will go with anything you wear! Now for the jewelry and the piercing fee your total will come to $95.

Customer: Are you trying to to f*cking rip me off? I can get the same thing down the street for $30, I’m going to report you for scamming!

Me: Ma’am our jewelry is highest quality you can find, contains no nickle or lead and has a lifetime guarantee.

Customer: $95 is a total scam! Ill have you fired! Ill have it so you never make another dollar in this town again.

At this point I’m of course a little irritated.

Me: Ma’am I’ve already told you about the jewelry quality, add on me putting myself at risk with bodily fluids, I think $95 is a fair price. Feel free to go to the shop down the street, you are an adult. I don’t think we will be doing business together and I have to ask you to leave.

Customer: F**k this place! F**k you, lady! You’re all a bunch of drug addicts and bums!

She did leave, but not after knocking down some award plaques we have displayed and breaking one.

She did end up coming back a couple months later with a terribly done navel piercing and begged me to fix it. Unfortunately there was no way of fixing it and she was left with a nasty scar.

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