(It is 2009, when I have just launched my brand of handmade jewelry and started to sell them it exhibitions and street fairs. I have just moved to a new venue and am scared about doing a standalone show, so I join a group of small business-women entrepreneurs and do shows with them. It is the second day of the show and a hot morning with hardly any walk-ins. After a while, a lady walks in and shows a lot of interest in my jewelry. We talk for around 25 minutes, so I get excited and start doing a mental calculation of how much she will be spending and slowly prepare myself to close in on the sale.)

Me: “So, ma’am—” *giving her a big smile* “—you are absolutely right; these would all look stunning on you.”

Customer: *removes the necklace that she has been trying on and says* “Yes, it’s beautiful, much like the others!”

Me: “So, which are the ones that you will be taking? Can I wrap these three up?”

Customer: “No, sadly, I cannot buy them.”

Me: *shocked* “You like them and they look good on you.”

Customer: “Yes, I do like them, but I don’t have any money with me. You see, I came to buy coriander at the vegetable market next door and just brought some change. When I saw your sign I thought it would be a good way to spend some time looking around. Looking is free, right?”

(The lady smiled and left, leaving me looking stupefied. I wanted to scream, “Looking is free, but my time isn’t!”)

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Inventory is done late at night after we close. It takes eight hours and is always a headache. We have an inventory company that scans and counts all our items. Employees are on hand to double-check their counts and help with any issues.

This inventory was a perfect storm. Everything that could go wrong did. The inventory company was late. They couldn’t connect their controls to our Internet for at least an hour.

Two of the inventory company employees came to blows over a miscount and had to work at opposite ends of the store.

Two more were caught smoking illegal drugs and were immediately kicked off the premises.

One lady would periodically pick an employee to tearfully hug and absolutely no one found this weird or told her to stop.

Another was making a mess of the clothing tables and cussed out the store manager when asked to clean up after himself. (The store manager cussed him out right back and kicked him out after the druggies.)  

I recently learned I have unused vacation time. I’m using it during next inventory season.

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(During the early days of my courtship with my husband, we have many long conversations. We often ask each other things about ourselves. During one such talk, I tell him I like flowers, and he asks what kind. I am a nerd, and hence start on my long talk on the different kinds of flowers and their different meanings, as I like all kinds of flowers.)

Me: “Do you know that daisies stand for purity, chrysanthemums stand for fidelity…” *and so on*

Husband: “I will get you a coconut flower.”

Me: “Okay.”

Husband: “Do you know what that stands for?”

(I am stumped.)

Me: “Hmm… I don’t know.”

Husband: “It means I am willing to climb a coconut tree for you.”

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(I am a customer checking out at a famous Indian supermarket. To make things faster, I am putting the stuff from my cart onto the conveyor belt. Among my purchases is a pack of condoms.)

Customer behind me: “I can’t believe you are buying condoms! Don’t you know that sex is evil? Only the devil does it!”

(I am kind of taken aback, but I reply with an evil twinkle in my eye.)

Me: “Well, if sex is only for the devil and I don’t use condoms, then you’ll be seeing the devil’s kid next year!”

Customer behind me: *crosses himself and stares at me until I leave the store*

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