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A Shocking Mother-In-Law

, , , , | Romantic | August 26, 2017

(In my husband’s family, his mother is referred to as “Nana” by our son and his cousins. At the time of this story, I am doing homework for a medical terminology class and struggling with spelling a term.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got it.” *sounding it out* “Ana-Fi-Lax-Is.”

Husband: “Nanaphylaxis? What’s that?”

Me: “That’s the reaction I get when your mom is being dramatic.”

We All Have Different Drives For Employment

, , , , | Working | August 24, 2017

(My sister-in-law has announced that they have decided to move house miles away from her work and family. We are surprised as she doesn’t drive nor have any inclination to learn. The next day, knowing that my wife is looking, she starts going on about a job.)

Sister-In-Law: “You will love it; it is only around the corner.”

Wife: “But I’ve never worked in travel before. I doubt I would get the job.”

Sister-In-Law: “Give it a try. I know someone who works there.”

(Reluctantly my wife goes to the interview and aces it. They offer her the job a few days later , but the working hours would make it impossible with the children. We see her sister a while later.)

Sister-In-Law: “I heard from [Friend] they really liked you.”

Wife: “Yeah, but they wanted me to different days every week; I could do it with the kids.”

Sister-In-Law: “You should! Don’t you want to earn some money?”

Wife: “Well, yes, but the cost of childcare—”

Sister-In-Law: *interrupting* “I’m surprised at you; I thought you wanted a job. [Friend] is going to be disappointed.”

Me: “Well, yes, but working random days would mean paying for a full week of childcare, it would cost nearly as much as what they are paying.”

Sister-In-Law: *in a hump* “Well I can’t help that!”

(We found it very odd that she was suddenly so pushy, until we learnt that she had already talked to the company about getting herself a job there, and expected me to drive her around for free! She was more concerned about her getting free lifts than her niece’s life at home.)

A Tip For Getting Rid Of Your In-Laws

, , , | Related | August 22, 2017

(This story takes place a few years after my wife and I get married. We go out to a restaurant for her birthday with her sisters, mother, uncle, and a cousin. We go to a very well-known Italian restaurant where our server is a delight. After we get the check and I put down the tip, I talk to one of my wife’s uncles for a bit. When I turn back, the tip money is gone and my wife looks like she’s embarrassed.)

Me: “Huh, I didn’t see the server pass by.”

Sister-In-Law: “He didn’t…”

Me: “He didn’t? Then where did the 27 dollars go?”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, that? I have it here.”

Me: “Why?”

Mother-In-Law: “Because tipping is a scam.”

Uncle: “Oh boy, here we go…”

Me: “What? How is it a scam? He gave us excellent service and had our food out fast.”

Mother-In-Law: “That’s their job. You don’t pay them for doing their job well. They’ll probably just waste it on drugs or something else.”

(At this point I’m shocked at how she’s acting. This is a sweet woman who has never said anything like this before. I look to my wife and she’s keeping her head down.)

Me: “That’s not for you to decide. It’s my money, and if I want to give it to him then that’s my choice. Put it back.”

Mother-In-Law: “No, I won’t let you fall for their scam.”

Me: “Mrs. [Mother-In-Law], I worked as a server before I married [Wife], and I promise you it’s no scam. Now, please put the money back or give it back to me.”

Mother-In-Law: “No, if you want to throw away your money, then I’ll be more than happy to take it.”

Me: “Okay, if that’s the case, then you keep the money, but you’re going to pay for your own meal.”

(At this she seemed to get startled then she started to mumble under her breath. She glared at me as she tossed the money onto the table; a few bills short, and announced that she was going to wait by the car. As she did that my wife, her sisters, and her uncle all breathed a sigh of relief.)

Uncle: “Thank God someone finally told her off. She’s been like that since we were children.”

Sister-In-Law: “Anytime we told her anything she’d scold us for being gullible.”

(They each put five dollars on top of the tip as well. My mother-in-law refused to eat at restaurants with us after that, and my wife thanked me for finally doing what she was always afraid to.)

That’s Not How You Kill Bill

, , | Related | August 21, 2017

(My husband always calls my mother-in-law at least three times a week since she lives so far away. He is usually met with the answering machine and always leaves a message. My mother-in-law calls on Thursday.)

Mother-In-Law: “You never call and always ignore me and leave me out of your life.”

Husband: “I call all the time and leave messages because you are never home.”

Mother-In-Law: “My house phone isn’t working.”

Husband: “I wasn’t aware.”

Mother-In-Law: “Since the handset isn’t working I don’t need to pay my bill.”

Me: *face-palm*

I’ll Remember To Remember

, , , | Related | July 21, 2017

(We are forever having problems with my nearly 80-year-old in-laws and their inability to remember anything. Whilst it’s been medically stated they don’t suffer from Alzheimers, I don’t quite believe it. This is one of many, many instances. We’ve asked them to come round and babysit on a Sunday night. They were asked on the Friday before and agreed it was fine and that they’d written it in their calendar. I get a phone call on Saturday morning, and after the initial pleasantries:)

Mother-In-Law: “I’m just phoning to check what time you want us round. I’m sure you want us to babysit tonight. What time would you like us?”

Me: “No, it’s not tonight. It’s for Sunday night at seven pm. You said you wrote it in your calendar.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, okay, I’ll write it down again now. So you want us tomorrow at seven pm?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right. See you tomorrow.”

(Come seven pm that evening, still Saturday, they turn up with their dog, knock on the door, and then come in as they usually do when they visit to stay. I stand there looking puzzled and eventually…)

Me: “Erm, have you just popped round for a quick visit? Would you like a cuppa or anything?”

In-Laws: “We’re here to babysit… aren’t we? It’s for tonight, isn’t it?”

Me: “No, you’ve got it wrong, I’m afraid. Babysitting is for tomorrow night. You did write it down twice!”

(They then quickly left looking suitably embarrassed. The next day, I got a call in the afternoon asking if that evening is when they are needed to babysit and at what time! They generally laughed it off and put it down to old age, but it does worry me as they help out a lot with collecting our kids from school, etc. and it can only be a matter of time before something goes wrong. They won’t talk about it seriously, though, and think writing things down helps. Well, it would if they read them afterwards!)