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H2O: The Dampening

, , , , , | Right | April 8, 2009

(Per our closing procedures, I have to mop the edges of the aisles every night before we close.)

Customer: “You know, it’s very wet.”

Me: “Yes, that is a common characteristic of water.”

Customer: “Well, isn’t there anything you can do about it?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, there are caution signs all around the store to tell you it might be slippery.”

Customer: “But can’t you do something to make the water less wet?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’ve run out of our dry water, and only have the wet kind left.”

Customer: “Well, you should order more.”


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Dog Tested, Employee Approved

, , , | Right | April 8, 2009

(An old lady walks up to the counter.)

Customer: “Miss, is this dog sausage salty?”

Me: “Um… I don’t think so, ma’am.”

Customer: “Are you SURE?”

Me: “Well, yes. Dog sausages are mainly made without salt.”

Customer: “It better not be salty, because my dog does not eat any salty stuff.”

Me: “It’s not salty, ma’am.”

Customer: “But are you SURE? Have you TASTED it?!”

Nature: Not OSHA Compliant

, , , , | Right | April 7, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me… how deep is the water?”

Me: “Um… you mean the ocean?”

Customer: “Yes. How deep is it?”

Me: “I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Customer: “HOW DEEP IS THE WATER?!”

Me: “It’s the ocean, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, well, how deep is the deepest part?”

Me: “Very, very deep.”

Customer: “Can I touch the bottom?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “That’s not safe.”

Me: “It’s much shallower near the shore. It gets deeper the farther out you go.”

Customer: “That is definitely not safe. You should fix that.”

Me: “I’ll tell my boss.”

Customer: “Thanks.” *walks away*


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Stupidity Can Go Either Way

, , , | Right | April 6, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have any left-handed golf balls?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m left-handed, and I need a left-handed ball. I don’t want my balls curving to the right all the time.”

Me: “All the balls are the same. They’re round, and they don’t have a hand preference.”

Customer: “Don’t f*** with me. I already had to search through all your clubs for a left-handed one, so where’s your left-handed balls?”

Me: “…the dark green and the orange balls are left-handed.”

Customer: “See? Was that so hard?”

Me: *facepalm*


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Heal The Blind, Raise The Dead, & Now A Book Deal

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2009

Customer: “I’m looking for the autobiography of Jesus.”

Me: “Um, do you mean a biography of Jesus?”

Customer: “No! I want the AUTO-biography of Jesus! Where would it be?”

Me: “Well, I guess you could try the Bible section…”


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