I’m ringing up a customer in his late fifties or early sixties.
Me: “Do you need your receipt today?”
Customer: “Hmm, I need a cure for cancer, a million-dollar lottery ticket, and a girlfriend who doesn’t cheat on me with other women, but not my receipt.”
He walked off, leaving me in stunned silence.
Customer: “I want a hot latte iced.”
Further explanation is obviously necessary!
Customer: “I want it heated up then poured over ice! They do it for me all the time.”
Me: “I have to warn you, that might taste weird.”
She insists on her order so I steam the milk, add espresso, and then pour it over ice. She takes a sip.
Customer: “Eww, it tastes like medicine!”
I am a supervisor at an outdoor botanical garden and have been summoned by my staff who are dealing with a difficult customer. It is a hot summer day in Texas.
Me: “Hi, ma’am, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “I want a refund.”
Me: “Unfortunately, we have a no refund/no exchange policy. May I ask why you want a refund?”
Customer: “I was only in there for a few minutes and it’s hot in there.”
Me: “Ma’am, it’s the same temperature in the garden that it is outside of the garden. Everything is outdoors. The outdoor temperature is out of our control.”
Customer: “So you won’t give me a refund?”
Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t.”
The customer stormed off.
I work at a movie theater that’s part of a mall but has no real affiliation with the mall. One day, the phone rings and I answer. I go through my movie theater answer script.
Me: “How can I help you?”
Caller: “What stores are in the mall?”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What?”
Caller: “You’re in the mall, right? I tried calling the mall office, but no one answered and I know you’re in the mall, so tell me what stores are there.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t honestly know the names of all the stores here.”
Caller: “Really? But you’re in the mall. Don’t you know everyone there? Shouldn’t you know what stores are there?”
Me: “Well, we are located in the mall, but we’re sort of a separate thing. We’re kind of not part of the mall, actually.”
Caller: “Fine, whatever. Well, what are the mall’s hours?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t know that, either.”
Caller: “Can you go ask someone, or look somewhere and tell me if there’s a [Store] there?”
Me: “I’m very sorry, but I can’t actually leave during my shift.”
Caller: “You’re stupid. No wonder you work at a movie theater.” *Click*
Customer Mail:
“You wrongfully charged my credit card 7,90€ for a subscription I already cancelled. Due to this, I give you a deadline of forty-eight hours to meet my following demands:
If you fail to meet my demands completely, I will take this case to my lawyer.”
My Answer:
“Dear [Customer],
We did not receive any notice before today that you wanted to cancel your subscription. The regular timeframe to cancel accordingly would be [date two weeks in the future].
However, as the sum in question is an important part of your financial portfolio, we decided to cancel your subscription immediately and refund you the whole sum.
We will not be able to pay you the mentioned 0,79€ interest and our legal department is awaiting your lawyer’s written statement. Please keep in mind that a regular letter needs a postage of 0,80€ and we will not be able to refund you anything for that within company policy. So, we would ask you to consider straining your funds unnecessarily in order to avoid further financial losses.”
I checked in with my supervisor to see if I’d gone too far. He treated me to a coffee for making him the entertainer of the week when he read it out loud to the other supervisors in the weekly meeting.
