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Naturally Stupid

, , , | Right | May 6, 2010

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s a noise outside and it’s keeping me awake.”

Me: “What does it sound like, ma’am?”

Customer: “Squeaky toys or something. Do you allow dogs here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do, but they’re all on the first floor. Let me see if anyone is out back and I’ll call you right back to let you know what I find out.”

(I go and check out back and there isn’t anyone out there. However, the sound of the early spring frogs is deafening. I call her back.)

Me: “Ma’am, those are frogs.”

Customer: “Well, can you turn them off?”

Me: “No, ma’am, they’re frogs.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t come here for your nature sounds. I’m only staying here because I need a place to sleep. I refuse to pay for the sound of frogs.”

Me: “Well, the nature sounds are complimentary.”

Customer: “Oh, well… good night, then.”


This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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The Point Of No Return

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You charged my credit card forty-five dollars. Can I get a refund?”

(I pull up his account.)

Me: “Okay. I see that you rented two movies that were never returned and you were charged the sale price of the movies.”

Customer: “Well, I was on vacation and I forgot to return them on time.”

Me: “Let me go check the shelves for them; it’s possible that they didn’t get checked in properly. If I find them I can put a credit on your account that you can use whenever you’re in the store next.”

Customer: “I didn’t return them.”

(It’s been over two months since the movies were originally due.)

Me: “You didn’t return them?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Sir, you would like me to pay you for renting movies and never bringing them back?”

Customer: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “I’m not going to do that.”

Customer: “Okay… I just thought I’d ask.”


This story is part of the Movie Rental roundup!

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No Charge For This Call

, , , , , , | Right | April 23, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling Business Care. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, hi. Just a quick question… My phone is about to die. Is there a way you guys can, like, charge my phone on your guys’ end?”

Me: “Uh, no it needs to be plugged in.”

Caller: “Oh, darn, thought there was a way… Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure.”

Caller: “Couldn’t you at least try?”


This story is included in our impossible requests roundup!

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Losing Track Of Your Mind

, , , , | Right | April 23, 2010

Caller: “I cannot find my order number or my order. I need the tracking information.”

Me: “Okay. Can I please have your login name so that I can look up your order history?”

(The caller gives their login name and I look up their order history.)

Me: “Ma’am, so that I know we are looking at the same page, can you please tell me what you see?”

Caller: “I see ‘order number.’ I did this already!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. That number is your order number.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. It said ‘order number,’ but I wasn’t sure that’s what it meant.”

Me: “Okay, so let’s track your package. I see that the package has been delivered on the fifth, which was twenty days ago.”

Caller: “Oh? Who signed for it?”

Me: “The initials say [letters].”

Caller: “Oh, so it was me! I just can’t seem to find that package around here. Could your computer tell me where I put it?”


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A Major Problem With A Minor Request

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bookstore]!”

Caller: “Hi, I have to do a project where I read to kids and they respond. Do you have that?”

Me: “You need a book to read to them? Sure! We have plenty of children’s books.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “Right, we have plenty of books you could chose from to read to them.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “So, what exactly is it that you need from us?”

Caller: “Can I do that there?”

Me: “Well, we don’t provide the children.”

Caller: *disappointed* “Oh, okay. Bye.”


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