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Fish Trek 2: It All Goes Downstream From Here

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2010

Customer: “This book looks interesting. How do I watch it?”

Me: “Watch it?”

Customer: “Yes, where can I find the movie?”

Me: “I don’t think this book has been adapted into a movie.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Where can I go to watch it? I want to know what happens in the book!”

Me: “Forgive me for asking, but if you want to know what happens, why not just read it?”

Customer: “Read? How stupid! Where’s the movie?! All books are made into movies so that we don’t have to read them!”

Me: “I am sorry, I can’t help you. This is a bookstore. Only popular books — usually adventure stories — are adapted into movies. I am quite sure that this book hasn’t been made into a movie.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because it’s a fishing manual.”


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Psychic Psycho(Deli)c

, , , | Right | May 11, 2010

Me: “Hey there. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like half a pound of [brand that we carry] ham, and a quarter of a pound of [brand we do NOT carry] Swiss cheese.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we don’t carry the brand of cheese you were looking for. Can I get you something else?”

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t carry it? I just bought it here last week!”

Me: “But we don’t carry it, ma’am. We do have about five other Swiss cheeses to choose from.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? I’m looking right at the cheese I want!”

(I walk around the counter to see her pointing at the regular brand of cheese that we’ve always carried, not the brand she was asking for.)

Me: “Oh, you asked for a different brand. I’m sorry about that; I’ll just go ahead and cut it.”

Customer: “No, this is what I meant I wanted. You should have known!”

Me: “I should have known what you really wanted when you said you wanted something else?”

Customer: “Of course! Isn’t that part of your job?”


This story is part of the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

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Ron Service Isn’t Available

, , , | Right | May 7, 2010

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m calling for a person. He is in room 159F.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have a room with that number.”

Caller: “Are you sure? He is an old friend and said he was staying at this hotel.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am sure we don’t have that room. But if you give me his name, I can see if we have a guest with that name.”

Caller: “Ron.”

Me: “Last name?”

Caller: “I don’t know. He’s from Canada.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I need more to go on than that.”

Caller: “Can’t you just call every room and ask for a Ron from Canada?”

Me: “No, sir. No, I can’t.”

Caller: “It’s okay; I’ll hold.”

Paint Strokes Of Genius

, , , , , | Right | May 7, 2010

(We have a small version of the Mona Lisa for sale.)

Customer: “How much is that?”

Me: “15 dollars.”

Customer: “Is it the original?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh. I’m trying to get my hands on the original.”

Naturally Stupid

, , , | Right | May 6, 2010

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s a noise outside and it’s keeping me awake.”

Me: “What does it sound like, ma’am?”

Customer: “Squeaky toys or something. Do you allow dogs here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do, but they’re all on the first floor. Let me see if anyone is out back and I’ll call you right back to let you know what I find out.”

(I go and check out back and there isn’t anyone out there. However, the sound of the early spring frogs is deafening. I call her back.)

Me: “Ma’am, those are frogs.”

Customer: “Well, can you turn them off?”

Me: “No, ma’am, they’re frogs.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t come here for your nature sounds. I’m only staying here because I need a place to sleep. I refuse to pay for the sound of frogs.”

Me: “Well, the nature sounds are complimentary.”

Customer: “Oh, well… good night, then.”


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