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Paranoia In The W.C.

, , , | Right | February 20, 2009

(I was just about to clean the ladies’ room when a female customer walked up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how do you lock this door?”

Me: “There’s no lock on the door, but there are stalls in there.”

Customer: “But, what if someone tries watching me? I want to know I’m safe from voyeurs.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure nobody will be watching.”

Customer: “What about the men’s room? Is there a lock over there?”

Me: “Well, there’s a stall in there, but there’s two in this one.”

Customer: “But, no lock?”

Me: “Would it help if I stood guard?”

Customer: *now yelling* “Oh? So, you think you can get a little peep show?! Well, I’ll have you know that I won’t tolerate a pervert in my midst! I’ll take my business elsewhere, and you’re getting reported for harassment!”

Me: “But, I–”

Customer: “Good day!” *storms out*

Manager: *listening from his office* “What was that all about?!”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Eww, Fresh Food

, , , | Right | February 18, 2009

Server: “Um… one of our tables asked me to bring this salad back.”

Cook: “What’s wrong with it? It looks fine to me.”

Server: “He complained that the lettuce was too green in his Greek salad.”

Cook: “His lettuce was too green?”

Server: “Yeah.”

Cook: “I really don’t want to know what kind of lettuce that guy’s been eating…”

(In the end, we had to call our manager in to explain to this guy that our lettuce only comes in one color, green.)

I Hear The Gossip Columns Are Juicy

, , , | Right | February 18, 2009

(A customer walks in with a very full backpack.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to trade you.”

Me: “Um, we don’t actually trade things; we sell food.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve got this whole bag of stuff for you.”

(He opens the bag and shows me magazines, forks, and spoons.)

Me: “Sir, you have to use money to buy the food.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager.”

(I call the manager, who walks over.)

Customer: “Come on, man. This magazine must be worth at least… carrots.”

Manager: “Here’s a trade for you: money for food.”

Customer: *walks out*

Patience (Not) Be Thy Name

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2009

(Note: this call takes place at 2:15 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. How may I help you today?

Caller: “I was supposed to have a tech out here between two pm and four pm! Where the h*** is he?

Me: “Sir, the tech is scheduled for any time between the hours of two and four, so he is not late. He is on his way.”

Caller: “I want a credit for the install fee. I shouldn’t have to pay an install fee if the tech is late.”

Me: “Sir, he is not late. He has until four pm to get there.”

Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor now!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but a supervisor will tell you the same thing…”

Caller: “I don’t wanna talk to you! You don’t know what you are doing! Give me a supervisor, now!”

Me: “No, I will not do that.”

Caller: “You have to! It’s the law!”

Me: “No, it isn’t; it isn’t even company policy. You can wait for the tech, or you can cancel the appointment. Which would you like to do?”

Caller: “Oh… the tech is here.” *click*


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Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Stuffing

, , , | Right | February 13, 2009

Customer: *ordering stuffing*” I want that container. That one in the middle, yep.”

Me: “Do you want this whole thing full?”

Customer: “Oh, god, no. I want a little more than a half… but a little less than a third. Not too much.”