A caller is placing an order for several cartons of our “Extreme Buy” discounted copy paper and a desktop organizer. The paper has a disclaimer on it that no further discounts, including discount coupons, apply, and all discount coupons have a disclaimer on them that they exclude “Extreme Buy” copy paper. Neither of the disclaimers are in small print. Free gift coupons can still be used with the paper.

Me: “Your total is $159.”

Caller: “Oh, I have a coupon that I want to use.”

Me: “Okay, what is the coupon code?”

The caller gives me her coupon code.

Me: “This coupon is for a free [item] when you order $325 or more. Your total is $159. Did you want to add something to bring your total up?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Your order will not qualify for the coupon, then. Is there a different coupon you would like to use?”

Caller: “Hold on a moment.” *Pauses* “Use this one.” *Gives me another code*

This particular coupon is on our website’s coupon page, down at the bottom, set off from the general coupons with a bold heading that says, “Ink and Toner Coupons”.

Me: “That coupon is for a free [item] when you spend $150 on ink and toner. You don’t have any ink or toner on your order. Will you be adding some?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “The order will not qualify for this coupon, either, then. Is there another coupon that you would like to try?”

Caller: “Yes, use this one.” *Gives another code*

Me: “That coupon is for $15 off when you order $100, but it excludes the ‘Extreme Buy’ copy paper, along with some other categories, so it would only include the price of the desk organizer, which is $10.”

Remember that the exclusion is not in small type. It is actually in a larger type than the actual coupon code is.

Caller: “You know, it didn’t used to be so hard to use coupons! There aren’t any other coupons I can use!”

We have eight free-gift coupons that she would qualify for on our coupon page. I am pretty sure she is looking at that page, because that is the only place we advertise the second code that she gave me, although technically, she could have been looking at it previously and written it down.

Me: “I apologize. We do have several other coupons that this order would qualify for. You can choose one of the following free gifts.” *Lists the gifts* “Would you like to add one of these to your order?”

Caller: “No, just cancel it.”

Me: “Cancel the coupon or the whole order?”

Caller: “No, just the copy paper. I still need that organizer.”

A customer walks into the fast food place where I’m working during breakfast hours.

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Can I get an English muffin and a piece of cheese?”

Me: “Just to clarify, you want an English muffin and a piece of cheese?”

Customer: “Yup.”

I total him out, get him his special sandwich, and send him on his merry way.

Three minutes later, the customer comes stomping back in and petulantly throws his sandwich on the counter.

Customer: “This is supposed to have sausage on it!”

Me: *In the most bland and polite tone possible* “Oh, okay. I can get you—”

Customer: “You know what? I’m running late for work! I don’t have time for this! Keep it.”

He stormed out without a sandwich. Guess you can’t please everyone trying to get a free meal.

Related:
Muffin Flop, Part 3
Muffin Flop, Part 2
Muffin Flop

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to know why my account is overdrawn.”

Me: “Sure, let me take a look at your account to see what’s going on.”

I look at the recent transactions and notice that the customer has recently done a lot of shopping at the mall.

Me: “Ma’am, it appears that there were a few recent transactions at the mall that caused your negative balance. I’d like to go over these transactions to make sure they’re not fraudulent.”

I then go over all of the transactions.

Customer: “Yes, those are all transactions I completed. Your online banking should have told me I didn’t have enough money. I want a refund!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are responsible for keeping track of your balances and transactions, as our online banking can only show you what the merchants send through to us. Sometimes transactions from certain merchants do not show up immediately.”

Customer: “You overcharged me! I want a refund!”

Worried that I overlooked an overdraft fee or other fee, I double-check the account.

Me: “Ma’am, I do not see that we charged you any fees for those transactions. Since they were debit card transactions, we do not charge overdraft fees for them.”

Customer: “Your online banking told me the wrong balance! I want you to compensate me!”

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot compensate you for anything as we did not charge you any fees. Again, you are responsible for keeping track of your balances and transactions. You are simply overdrawn and will either need to deposit funds to correct the negative balance or return some of the merchandise you’ve purchased. We have not charged you any fees and you will not incur any future fees unless a check or electronic payment attempts to come through.”

Customer: “YOUR ONLINE BANKING TOLD ME THE WRONG BALANCE! I WANT COMPENSATION! GET ME TO YOUR MANAGER!”

I contact the manager’s line and explain the situation.

Manager: *Laughs* “Yeah, there’s nothing we can compensate her for if we didn’t charge her fees. I’ll handle it.”

Related:
A Fee-ble Excuse For A Refund

I work in a call center for a financial institution. I get connected with a customer who has some basic questions about her account. I have previously gone over account balances, recent transactions, and recent cleared checks.

Customer: “Can you tell me what outstanding checks I have?”

Me: “Outstanding? You mean checks that you’ve written, but haven’t cleared your account yet?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no way for us to know what checks you have written if they have not cleared your account yet. I can send you another check register if you need it.”

Customer: “Oh. I guess that makes sense. Have a good day!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 98
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 97
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 96
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 95
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 94

I work at an arcade, where customers win prizes by winning games. A customer approaches my counter and sets down around five blow pops.

Me: “All right, I just need your arcade card, ma’am.”

Customer: *Handing me a ten* “I can’t just pay for it?”

I smile, going into how our arcade works.

Me: “No, sorry. You can win these by getting an arcade card at the front and playing some games to win tickets! Then you can get a prize here that you can afford with those tickets.”

She’s not annoyed but seems a little put-off.

Customer: “But I don’t want to play; I just want some blow pops.”

She tries to hand me the ten again. I get many bribes but never take them.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t sell anything here. It’s in our contract with our suppliers.”

She sighs, pocketing the ten.

Customer: “All right, fine. Keep your candy.”

She leaves, not putting away the small pile of lollipops.

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”