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Priorities

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2008

(I work at the call centre for a major tollway which has two long tunnels. One day there is a major accident in the tunnel, with a fuel fire and multiple fatalities, obviously closing it. Twenty minutes later, I receive a call.)

Caller: “They are directing me off the tollway… There weren’t any signs about this.”

Me: “That’s right, there’s been a major accident in the tunnel. However, the police, ambulance, and fire service are all in attendance. The road is closed while they evacuate it.”

Caller: “But there are no signs about it! You always have signs when there’s a closure!”

Me: “If it’s a scheduled closure, we put signs up. Half an hour ago there was a major accident… I believe there has been a fatality. They are currently evacuating the tunnel and no one is able to drive through at the moment.”

Caller: “Half an hour? That means you should have signs up by now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, the maintenance crew who puts up the signs are assisting with the evacuation at the tunnel.”

Caller: “I don’t care about the accident. You should have signs!”

Me: “Tell that to the people trapped in the tunnel. Thanks for your call.”


This story is part of our Even-More-Bad-Drivers roundup!

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Idiotic Costume Ideas, Vol. 1

, , , , | Right | August 5, 2008

(A man comes into the store. He’s covered in tattoos, sporting a buzz cut and a solid gold grill, and wearing a wife-beater. He comes up to me.)

Man: “Uh, yeah, do you guys have a KKK costume?”

Me: “No… no, we don’t.”

Man: “Oh, uh, do you know where I could get one?”

Me: *repulsed* “I guess you could make one, but you’re not going to find it in any store in town.”

(He walks off, but returns about five minutes later.)

Man: “Do you have a Lorena Bobbitt costume?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: *leaves*

Coworker: “Who the h*** would WANT one?!”

Telepathy Is Fun

, , , , , | Right | August 5, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. My name is [My Name]. What can I help you with today?

Customer: “I’ll tell you how you can help, fix my d*** computer!”

Me: “So, what is the problem with the computer today?”

Customer: “It’s broken. Fix it.”

Me: “Okay, but how is it broken?”

Customer: “I don’t know; just fix it.”

Me: “Is it not turning on, or is it not booting up?”

Customer: “I don’t know about computers. Just fix the problem already!”

(This proceeds for almost fifteen minutes back and forth. Finally, I decide to have some fun. I ask the customer to hold on for a second. I start shuffling some papers and opening and closing my desk drawer quite loudly.)

Customer: “What was all that noise?”

Me: “I think I found something we can use to fix this issue.”

Customer: “Good, so get started on it.”

Me: “Okay… Now, I’m holding in front of me a crystal ball… I’m picturing the issue with the computer… The computer is broken, and I’ve found a solution…”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager. That is very rude!”

Me: “Sure thing, but wait… I see something else… I see this call ending, now!” *click*

(Thank goodness it was one am and nobody listened in on that call, or I’d have been fired.)

Welcome To ArkMart, My Name Is Noah

, , , , , | Right | August 2, 2008

(I work in the gift shop. Our zoo has an alligator exhibit consisting of 15 three- to four-foot-long juvenile alligators.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you guys sell alligators here.”

Me: “Yeah, we have stuffed ones over here, and we have some PVC ones over here.”

Customer: “No, like, I wanted to buy one of the alligators.”

Me: “Like… out of the exhibit?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh… Well, no.”


This story is part of the second Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!

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Thy Laziness Knows No Bounds

, , , , | Right | July 31, 2008

Me: “Hi! This is [Restaurant]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to order a delivery.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do deliveries.”

Caller: “So, you expect me to come all the way over… to eat your food?!”

Me: “Umm… yeah, if you want.”

Caller: “Goodbye!” *hangs up*


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