I work in the poultry industry. I am out visiting one of our farms, and a few of the shed walkers and I are having lunch up at the farm office.

An elderly man shows up at the gate, wanting to buy eggs. We’re all a little confused because we absolutely cannot sell eggs directly from the farm, but he’s insisting he’s bought eggs from this farm before. One of the shed walkers goes to find the farm manager as the man asks us to make sure all his eggs are double-yolks because that’s what he got last time.

Finally, the farm manager shows up.

Manager: “We can’t sell you eggs. You have to go to [Store #1] or [Store #2] to get eggs.”

Man: “No, no, but I used to buy eggs from here. Maybe five years ago, you used to sell eggs to the public.”

Manager: “Sir, I have worked on this farm for twenty-five years. We have never sold eggs from here. Please leave.”

He did leave, begrudgingly.

Two weeks later, we had almost exactly the same conversation with an elderly woman who argued even harder that she used to buy eggs from the farm. It took nearly fifteen minutes for her to give up and leave.

Our manager is a retail veteran, takes no crap from anybody, and is basically un-fireable by corporate because she’s the only one who knows how to run our store. She is bulletproof, and she knows it.

Customer: “You don’t have any truffle cheese on display.”

Manager: “That’s right. We won’t have any more until Friday.”

Customer: “Well, that’s very inconvenient.”

Manager: “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “That’s it?”

Manager: “I can only apologize.”

Customer: “You’re not going to compensate me?”

Manager: “You’ve done nothing deserving of compensation.”

Customer: “I beg your pardon?!”

Manager: “Then beg.”

Customer: “I beg your pardon?!“

Manager: “That’s still not begging. Truffle cheese will arrive on Friday. Have a nice day!” 

Watching her work was… inspirational.

After selecting a track from a CD provided by the client for an animation…

Client: “This is just way too horny. I don’t want it to be all horns.”

Me: “Okay, we could definitely find a track with fewer horns.”

Client: “Just pick something that doesn’t have any sort of jazzy feeling to it.”

The music the client provided was from a local jazz orchestra.

I used to work at a bakery/cafe that had baked goods but also served full meals. Being in a college town, we had a wide variety of eaters, and we did the best would could to accommodate everyone.

It was around 12:00 pm, so we had a fairly busy crowd in the restaurant. When it comes to taking orders, after so long, my responses became almost scripted because I say them so much.

Customer #1: “I’m vegan. Do you have anything on the menu I could have?” 

Me: “We don’t particularly have anything specifically vegan, but we can most definitely alter most orders to accommodate within reason.”

Customer #1: “Like what?”

As I said, I become scripted, and we have vegetarians often, so my response was automatic.

Me: “If you’re okay with eggs or cheese, we have the breakfast veggie burrito.” 

Then, I remembered that she’d said she was vegan.

Me: “But we can make it without—”

Customer #1: “Oh, I can eat eggs and cheese.”

Me: “Uh… okay. Potatoes or fruit on the side?”

Customer #1: “Fruit, and a mocha latte with whipped cream.”

Me: “Sure thing. Just to clarify, you would like our breakfast veggie burrito — with eggs and cheese — with a side of fruit, and a mocha latte with whipped cream?”

Customer #1: “Perfect!” 

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total]. Here is your number; we’ll bring the food to the table when you’re ready.”

The customer proceeded to wander to a table, and the next customer stepped forward.

Customer #2: “I know I’m not hip to all the things anymore, but I thought vegans don’t eat animal products.”

Me: “They don’t… but working in a restaurant, ‘the customer is always right’, and it’s both easier and quicker not to argue.”

[Customer #1] proceeded to enjoy her meal and mocha, leaving the plates clean, left a tip on the table, and said goodbye.

While working for a government-owned liquor store (yay, monopoly!) in Sweden, I had a customer approach me.

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?” 

Customer: “Hello, I am looking for a non-alcoholic red wine containing antioxidants.”

Me: “I’m sorry, a non-alcoholic red wine containing antioxidants? I don’t think I’ve heard of that particular combination before.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t ring any bells for me, either. Are you sure this is something we currently offer?”

Customer: “Look!” 

The customer shows me her phone.

Customer: “Here is an article describing this wine and how it’s available at [Store]!”

We go through our and other stores’ inventory and check the customer’s online article while finding zero matches.

Me: “Well, ma’am, since this article is from 2015, and it’s currently 2024, I will have to assume this particular wine is no longer available for sale, and unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

 Customer: “But how is it possible that it’s no longer for sale if I can find articles about this wine?”

 Me: “Ma’am, the article is out of date, and that’s why the product is no longer available.”

 Customer: “But I could find the article about the product, so I should still be able to buy it… This is terrible customer service!”

Cue mental breakdown.