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Multi-person Multi-tasking

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You guys clean my pool and I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Would you have your pool cleaner pick up my dry cleaning and bring it to my house when he comes to clean the pool?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a service we offer.”

Customer: “But it’s just right down the street.”

Me: “Ma’am, first of all we would need the ticket they give you to pick up your clothes. Have you thought about getting a personal assistant? I have the name of a company who–”

Customer: “FINE! I’ll just get the landscaper to do it!” *hangs up*


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Swimming With The Feces

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2010

(A child has pooped in the pool so we get all the swimmers out. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why did you get everybody out? It is a perfectly nice day”

Me: “Yes, but a child had an accident in the pool.”

Customer: “…so?”

Me: “Well, we have to run an eight-hour cleaning cycle. We can not let you back in for the rest of the day.”

Customer: “That is so dumb! Who makes the decisions around here?”

Me: “I do. I am the lifeguard. A child has pooped in the pool, ma’am.”

Customer: “It is a nice day out and I want to swim!”


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Vaguely Unfamiliar

, , , | Right | January 25, 2010

Customer: “I am looking for one of those things that are like a book, but not a book.”

Me: “Do you mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No, no. It is like a book, but not a book.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You know! A book thing, but not a book.”

(After the customer tries to explain this object to me for about ten minutes, my coworker comes back from lunch.)

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “I asked your coworker if you have those things that are like books but not books, but she is too simple to understand.”

Coworker: “You mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No! Is it so hard to just find one of those things? I thought this was a bookstore!”

(Overhearing us, my manager tries to help.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I am looking for a thing that is like a book, but not a book.”

Manager: “Well, let’s go look for it…”

(My manager ended up leading the customer all around the store, pointing out everything we had. The thing that was like a book but not a book? A bookmark.)

Craz-E

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [Coffee Company]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I need an ‘E.’”

(The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [Famous Lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

(The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”


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Who You Gonna Call: Sawdusters

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Furniture Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. You make custom furniture, right?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, can you make a table and maybe some chairs out of this tree in my front yard?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t actually do any of the tree cutting. We get all of our wood from a lumber yard.”

Customer: “But the city says I need to cut down this tree right away or I’ll be fined!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do anything about that.”

Customer: “Well, screw you, then! My grandfather planted this tree here! He’s going to haunt you till you die! HAUNT YOU TILL YOU DIE!”


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