A family comes to my little motel in rural Minnesota. It’s the weekend of a massive event and every hotel for fifty miles is sold out.

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry we are completely sold out. Every room we have is currently occupied.”

Lady: “I know you hold some. I’ll take one that you hold.”

Me: “Every room currently has a person in it. You might want to try [Hotel] across the street.”

Lady: “We tried there. We tried everywhere. Even a closet would be fine!”

Me: “We don’t even have any closets with beds. Nothing is available here.”

Lady: “I don’t believe you. Every hotel has closets at the ends of every floor. I will take one of those.”

I realize she is talking about our housekeeping closets!

Me: “Those aren’t rooms. Legally, we can’t sell them.”

She doesn’t even listen to me say this.

Lady: “I’m a five-diamond member! I’m going to call corporate. I know the owner!”

And so on.

Me: “Okay, I’ll show you one of the closets you’re interested in!”

We go on a little field trip to the second floor, and I open up a housekeeping closet so she can see what I’m talking about. It’s a housekeeping closet filled with carts, sheets, plungers, boxes, etc.

Lady: “This is terrible! I have never seen such a filthy room at a hotel! There aren’t even beds!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s a housekeeping closet right there.”

The lady leaves in a huff. Two days later we get an online review saying something like:

Review: “I was shown to my room and there wasn’t even a bed! It was a janitor’s closet and we decided not to stay! Terrible hotel!”

We are currently in a national change shortage and are asking customers to pay in exact change when possible. 

Customer: “Can I get $3 in quarters so my kids can use the candy machines?”

The candy machines aren’t even a part of our store, just inside the mall.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we currently don’t have many quarters in the store, so I’m unable to give change at this time.”

Customer: “It’s okay, I’ll just take it from your tip jar.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but please don’t take money out of the tip jar. If there are quarters in there, I genuinely need them for our business. You can maybe try the business next door for quarters.”

Customer: “Fine! Thanks for upsetting my kids.”

Later at close, I counted the tips; we only had two quarters in the tip jar anyway.

My wife used to be a corporate travel agent. She handled software companies and airplane companies. She had done this for over a decade and was really, really good at it.

One day, out of the blue, she was let go. Apparently, she was talking to someone on the phone and let out a sigh. The bigwig on the other end took this as a slight and asked that she be fired. My wife was the only person who handled these accounts for years, so there were no notes or guides on how to handle these clients.

After this, I noticed that, day after day, she would get a call and instruct the person on the other end of the call how to do her old job.

Me: “What’s up with those phone calls?”

Wife: “They keep asking for my help because they don’t know what to do.”

At the end of the week, she’d put in at least twenty hours talking to her replacement, trying to help them out.

The following Monday rolled around, and she got another call. My wife was away from the phone and I picked up. As I suspected, it was her old employer. I can be a nice guy, but this had been pissing me off. They asked for my wife and I confirmed that it was her old employer.

Me: “She doesn’t work there anymore.”

Former Employer: “I just needed to ask her a few questions.”

Me: “Your company fired her for sighing.”

Former Employer: “I’m sorry about that, but we have a few questions.”

Me: “She spent over half her week last week talking to you. She doesn’t work there anymore. If you want her to train your staff, you will need to bring her in as a consultant.”

Silence.

Me: “The hourly fee for her consulting with you will be $45 an hour. I’ll be sending your company an invoice for the twenty hours she has already spent with you. After receipt of the $900.00 from your company, we can talk about further training. Any further communication will be also billed at $45 an hour.”

Former Employer: “Okay, thank you.”

They hung up.

I could’ve been nicer, but having worked many contract jobs in my past, I’ve found that if you keep helping them after you are let go out of a sense of loyalty, they will keep using you at no cost. I never sent the invoice; just having them not call gave us a sense of freedom and peace worth way more than the $900.

The best thing is that my wife wound up getting a job at one of the software companies she’d dealt with before, testing a travel agency app they were designing. She got a substantial raise, as well.

This story is part of our Best Of July 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of July 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of July 2021 roundup!

I’m at a campground. I’m on my way to take a shower because I got sweaty while hiking. I find the last open shower. I am about to get undressed when I hear a knock at the door.

Me: “Who is it?”

Woman: “Ugh, can you hurry up? My darling [Child] needs his shower before he goes to bed.”

Me: “Ma’am, I was just about to start. You can look for another shower if you want.”

Woman: “Ugh, but there are no bathrooms left! You can go after my darling [Child]! And I won’t take no for an answer!”

Jeez, this lady is persistent. I hear a tinier voice.

Child: “Mom, it’s fine. I can go after him.”

Woman: “No! Gentlemen are supposed to let ladies go first always! You should get out of there, b*****d!”

I just ignored her after that. Little did I know, I forgot to lock the door.

This lady just walked in like nobody’s business, and even worse, her kid came pre-naked. I shielded my eyes and yelled, “Get OUT!”

She ran out of the shower and finally let me be. I don’t know why she thought she could come in anyway, or why anyone would undress their kid in their RV and let them run around naked, but I’ll always lock my door from now on.

I offer dog training services. Someone comments on a social media post about it, so I message them.

Me: “Hey! I saw your comment on my post and thought it might be better to privately message you. I typically charge $50 a lesson, and the lessons are in or near your home. You get one hour of one-on-one teaching and hands-on learning, and a plan/write-up within a week of the end of the lesson.”

I don’t get a message back until the next day.

Customer: “Hi! I love that you have a plan/write-up after just one lesson. I had a trainer for two months and I never got anything close to that! I finally let her go this week. I have a three-year-old, ninety-pound horse of a Labrador! He is a lot to handle. The main issue is how crazed he gets when he greets people, so I don’t have anyone over, or I put him in the car! So… I’m on [disability assistance] and only pull in $900 a month, so do you do a sliding scale based on income? I’m just going to ask, and it’s okay if it’s a no! Would you consider doing that for $30?! It never hurts to ask!”

I don’t get back to them right away as I’m at work.

Customer: “No response. That’s not a good sign of integrity.”

Me: “Actually, [Customer], I just got home from work. I’ve been at work all day. I’d really love to help you out with your lab, but I have to stay true to my prices. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Wow! That says a lot. You’re more about money than really being serious about animals. Shame on you, especially in these times. Best if you do not respond.”

Me: “Because I have to work to live? I work for someone else making money. I’m not ‘more about money’ at all. I’m more about making a living and surviving.”

Customer: “No! About not having a sliding scale! Because maybe [the health crisis] took away their job?! Meaning me! Forget it. Sorry for whatever’s my fault. I have to move on.”

Me: “If you want to spin it that way, you clearly said, ‘It’s okay if it’s a no.’ So, it’s a no from me. Thank you for asking.”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s clearly ‘the best way to spin it’! I can tell you’re a f****** c***. Don’t respond or I’ll have to get nasty.”

The last few messages were peppered with passive-aggressive emojis. I didn’t respond. I did, however, report her to the social media platform for violating community guidelines. “No personal attacks.”