Me: “Hello, you’re through to [phone company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve just tried to top up my phone and it won’t work. Can you put it back on?”

Me: “Sorry, that number is now cancelled. It cannot be reactivated as it has been recycled.”

Customer: *horrified* “How dare you! That number belongs to me! It is absolutely vital I get that number back. It is my business number! You people are costing me money and putting my livelihood at risk! I’ll sue! This is a disgrace!”

Me: “Madam, that number has been disconnected from your account for seven years. It has been used by two other customers since you last had it.”

Customer: *click*

This story is part of the Very Wrong Customers roundup!

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Customer: “Hi, I’m here to see Sanctum!”

Me: “Alright! Here are your 3D glasses.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s 3D? I don’t do well with those. Is there a 2D version?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We only have 3D.”

Customer: “Well, do I have to wear the glasses?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to. But the screen will be blurry if you don’t.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, can you un-blur it for me?”

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Customer: “I want a refund on my sofa!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. What seems to be the problem with the sofa?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re not happy. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not happy with it.”

Me: “I see. Why exactly is that?”

Customer: “There is a manufacturing fault.”

Me: “What is the fault, sir?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “I understand that, sir. What is the fault with the sofa?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not happy!”

Me: “With all due respect, ‘I’m not happy’ is not a manufacturing fault.”

Customer: “Of course it is. It’s manufactured to make me happy! This sofa is not fit for purpose!”

Me: “Can you sit on the sofa?”

Customer: “Of course I can!”

Me: “Then it is fit for purpose, sir.”

Customer: “But I am not happy! There must be a manufacturing fault to make me not happy with it!”

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Caller: “Hi, do you have any reports by Dr. Smith?”

Me: “Certainly. On what patient?”

Caller: “Not specific ones.”

Me: “Oh. So you need all Dr. Smith’s most recent reports?”

Caller: “Not necessarily recent.”

Me: “So, not specific patients, not specific dates. Do you want all his reports, ever?”

Caller: “I think. I don’t know. Okay.” *hangs up*

This story is part of the “Don’t Know How The World Works” roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories About Customers Versus Mother Nature

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(I’m packing a carry-out order for someone who ordered two of each item: one regular, one gluten-free.)

Me: “There’s your order. It’s all ready to go.”

Customer: “Which of the chickens is gluten-free?”

Me: “The one on top. I put a little gluten-free sticker on it.”

Customer: “Oh. Which of the soups is gluten-free?”

Me: “Well, I put the sticker on this one. But the soup actually has no gluten to begin with.”

Customer: “Oh. But I can eat gluten. It’s my friend that can’t.”

Me: “I see. Well, neither of the soups has wheat products, so you’re fine.”

Customer: “Oh.” *seems to be waiting* “Shouldn’t you put the gluten back in mine?”

Related:
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought

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