During undergrad, I work at a deli in a major supermarket. Most of my coworkers are also in college, and we all get along and generally have a good time. We usually don’t have too much trouble, but for some reason, a couple of managers have decided that they don’t like one of my coworkers. They nitpick his work and give him a hard time for things the rest of us never get in trouble for.

One morning, they decide that his five-o’clock shadow warrants a beard net. This is an unusual request considering that, one, no one without a beard has ever been told to do this before; two, he has barely any stubble; and three, they are making a big deal about it and seem to be trying to make him feel bad about it.

Managers aside, I am the only female employee in the department at the time. So, I stroll up and ask what is going on. They point out his stubble.

Me: “I’m certain that I have eyebrow hairs longer than that.” *In mock concern* “Should I be wearing my hairnet over them?”

They sort of look at each other.

Manager #1: *Hesitantly* “No… you don’t need to do that.”

Me: “Why not? It’s likely that my eyebrow hairs would be in someone’s food if we’re worried about chin stubble.”

Manager #2: “No, no, you shouldn’t worry about it.”

Me: “What about the fine hairs on a woman’s face? What about those? Should I be shaving?”

They were catching on now. They told my coworker to put on a beard net and left. He did… and so did I. Solidarity.

I don’t think I’ve seen so many people double-take and start laughing before. The customers and my indirect managers thought it was hilarious. When they would ask me about it, I would just say that I was protecting the food in the store from any potential hairs, real or imagined. By noon, when the original pair of managers returned, I was having a very good day. They begged me to take the beard net off, and I pointed out that there was nothing in the store policy saying that I couldn’t wear PPE, which included beard nets. I wore it until the end of my shift that day. They never bothered my coworker about his stubble after that.

This story is part of our Best Of July 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of July 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of July 2021 roundup!

I’ve taken so many calls where I’ve had to tell customers no. Usually, they don’t like it, which I get. You’re calling to hear a yes. What bothers me is that as soon as you tell a customer no, they think you’re an idiot. They never just take it. And I always make sure to tell the customer why the answer is no, so they can understand it. But so many times it goes along these lines.

Me: “I’m sorry, but because of [point A] and [point B], we can’t honor your request.”

Customer: “Umm… Hmm… Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, [ma’am/sir].”

Customer: “But…”

They repeat their whole story again.

Me: “Yes, I understand, but unfortunately, this doesn’t change the answer.”

Customer: “Maybe you should check with someone with more knowledge than you.”

Me: “No, [ma’am/sir], I am 100% sure of the answer I just gave you.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? Well, I will call back tomorrow. Maybe I can get someone else on the phone who does know how to help me with my problem which is totally my own fault but I still blame your company for.”

Me: “You can always do that, but my colleague’s answer will be exactly the same.”

Customer: “We’ll see about that.”

I’m not calling you; YOU are calling ME. Why do you even bother to call if you don’t trust me anyway?

Like many people in the military, I too have had leadership entering stupid contests and winning stupid prizes. This time was one of my favorites.

Our First Sergeant — the highest-ranked noncommissioned officer in an Army Company, basically a very senior management type — tells all the young’uns to clean the area around headquarters, including washing the whitewashed rocks that are surrounding all the pretty landscaping, which is something we have to do about once or twice a month or so.

So, we’re out there with buckets of soapy water, washing the stupid rocks, when he comes out to inspect and declares that the washed rocks still look dingy and we need to “bleach them” to get them white again. Then, he proceeds to check out and go home for the weekend, leaving us to execute his orders without much in the way of supervision. Our sole junior sergeant who is left in charge isn’t the brightest bulb in the box, if you catch my meaning.

Now, anyone who knows anything knows that bleach ain’t gonna do a thing to make a rock change color. What he meant for us to, and indeed what we should do, is repaint the rocks white again. And as it turns out, we don’t have paint, but we do have a couple of bottles of Clorox. A couple of soldiers make a token protest, but our genius junior sergeant tells them, “Top told us to bleach the rocks, and we’re gonna bleach them!”

So, we spend the rest of our day bleaching the rocks.

Top comes back on Monday to a bunch of still-grey-and-dingy-looking rocks and lots of dead landscaping. Turns out, bleach is bad for plants. He is livid but he has a hard time finding someone to get in trouble for it, since we all did exactly what we were told to do.

The best thing, though, is that for the rest of my time in that unit, no one ever told us to wash the rocks again.

I crochet, and I ALWAYS have my crochet bag with me. I’m waiting at a hospital with my husband, working on a wedding veil, and a woman stops when passing me.

Woman: “Could have that wedding veil?”

Me: “Well I charge–”

Woman: “No, for free.”

Me: “Why would you expect it for free?”

Woman: “I shouldn’t have to pay for it because you don’t have any employees that you need to pay. Besides all my friends will see it and I can give them your info. Of course I should get a ‘finders fee’ every time you sell one–”

My Very Angry Looking Husband: *Growling.* “Get lost lady”

That was all it took to make her walk away. The nerve of some people!

Stranger: “Hi! I saw your posts on Instagram and I love them! Since I print and frame photos for people, and you’re a photographer, maybe we could team up or something?”

Me: “Thanks for your interest. That sounds great! What were you thinking?”

Stranger: “Here’s my idea: you can send me some pics without the watermarks, and I can print and sell them.”

Me: “Then we split the profits?”

Stranger: “No.”

Me: “Then how do I benefit?”

Stranger: “I’ll give you credit and exposure! I have more than three times your followers, so I think it’ll help you. How does that sound?”

Me: “No. I’m not going to give you images (that I normally sell) for free so you can make a profit off of them, just for some ‘exposure’ to your 3,500 followers.”

Stranger: “If you want to be selfish and not share your talents with others, that’s fine by me.”

Me: “Okay, great.”

Stranger: “But God will definitely never forgive these sins.”

Me: “…”

Stranger: “If you don’t change your ways, you’ll go to Hell!”

Me: “I’ll save you a spot.”