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How Not To Get Into Their Good Books

, , , | Right | February 2, 2010

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Bookstore]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, how much are your books?”

Me: “What book were you looking for?”

Caller: “No, your books. How much are they?”

Me: “They are all priced differently. Are you looking for one in particular?”

Caller: “No.” *click*

Udderly Stupid

, , | Right | January 31, 2010

Me: “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, this beef isn’t fresh. Can you take it back and get me fresh beef?”

Me: “Ma’am, the beef we cook is the freshest we can get.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just kill a cow out back?”

Me: “Um, no we don’t have cows in the back; that’s against the law.”

Customer: “But isn’t this Canada? How can cows be illegal?”

Misundertanding Basic Printables

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2010

Caller: “Can you add a button to that page?”

Me: “Sure, but you need to be more specific. What do you want it to do?”

Caller: “Can it make the user press ‘File’, ‘Print’?”

Me: “Not exactly. I can get it to the print dialog though.”

Caller: “But it can’t press ‘File’ and then ‘Print’?”

Me: “Are you asking for a button that prints the page?”

Caller: “No! I want the button to press the file menu button, then select print for them.”

Me: “This is a website. You want me to control a user’s mouse?”

Caller: “Is that really so hard to do?”

Customer Is No Shrimping Violet

, , , | Right | January 28, 2010

Customer: “My shrimp is cold.”

Me: “Okay, sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll bring it to the kitchen and they’ll make you a new serving right away.”

Customer: “Fine, but feel this shrimp. Feel how cold it is.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s unnecessary. I believe that it’s cold. Just let me take the plate away for you so I can get you a new serving.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to touch your shrimp.”

Customer: “Feel my shrimp or I’m leaving!”

Multi-person Multi-tasking

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You guys clean my pool and I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Would you have your pool cleaner pick up my dry cleaning and bring it to my house when he comes to clean the pool?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a service we offer.”

Customer: “But it’s just right down the street.”

Me: “Ma’am, first of all we would need the ticket they give you to pick up your clothes. Have you thought about getting a personal assistant? I have the name of a company who–”

Customer: “FINE! I’ll just get the landscaper to do it!” *hangs up*


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