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Dog On Demand

, , , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I need some help.”

Me: “Of course, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to buy a dog.”

Me: “We don’t sell dogs or cats here. Our company has a policy against it because of the number of unwanted dogs in animal shelters.”

Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? Of course you sell dogs. They’re right there!”

Me: “Actually, that’s our grooming salon, where customers can bring their pets for a haircut or bath. Would you like me to show you the adoption computer?”

Customer: “It’s nice that you’re making the dogs pretty for me. Now, when can I see them?”

Me: “Those dogs belong to other people, sir. It’s a grooming salon.”

Customer: *sighs* “Fine, I get it. They’re all sold.”

(The customer sees a woman walking by with a Labrador on a leash.)

Customer: “I’ll take that one, then. I can get a discount since it’s a floor model, right?”


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Blind To Reason, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 23, 2010

(I’m bagging groceries.)

Me: “So, are you going to make a pie?”

Customer: “What did you say?!”

Me: “Um, I noticed you’re buying a lot of stuff to make pies with. I asked if you were going to make some.”

Customer: “Stop looking at my groceries!”

Me: “Okay.” *I resume bagging*

Customer: “I said to stop looking at them!”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(I close my eyes and attempt to bag them without seeing them.)

Customer: “Stop mocking me!”


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Ah, Mothers, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

(A lady comes running up to the till almost in tears, screaming that she has lost her daughter. I ask the lady for her daughter’s details. As a rule, we are not allowed to say the child’s name.)

Customer: “Just call her name!”

Me: “We can’t do that. How old is she and what is she wearing?”

Customer: “Just call her name! Please, I just need to find her. She’s lost. She’ll be scared.”

Me: “If you can tell us what she looks like and her age, we can put a call out for her and everybody in-store can look out for her.”

Customer: “Just call her name, will you! Stop being so cocky!”

Me: “We really aren’t supposed to put out names. If somebody finds your daughter, she is more likely to go off with them if they say her name.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? She is thirty-seven years old! She isn’t going to go off with some stranger!”

Good Music Isn’t Sharp, Sadly Doesn’t Apply To Customers

, , , | Right | February 16, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Music School]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Do y’all sell leather fanny packs?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we are a music school. We do not carry anything like that. There used to be a handbag store in this location, but they have gone out of business.”

Caller: “Are you sure you don’t sell leather fanny packs?”

Me: “I am positive we don’t, as we are a music school.”

Caller: “Well, could you go check?”

1 Billion Served (And Eaten)

, , , , , | Right | February 13, 2010

(I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s order.)

Customer: “Is it too late to make the drink and fries big?”

Me: “Of course not, let me just charge it.”

Customer: *to my manager* “It should be free since she didn’t offer it to me! You should offer it to everyone equally!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, she can’t give it to you for free. We’re all human. We all make mistakes.”

Customer: “Well, fine! Next time I want to be helped by someone who isn’t human!”


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