I work in a grocery store at the customer service desk. We have a checkout at the service desk, but it is usually reserved for customers who need something from the service desk — i.e. lotto tickets and cigarettes — to keep lines short and available to those who need our other services.

I am standing across the way talking to a coworker about our shoplifter policy when I notice a customer at the service desk.

Regular Customer: “Can I buy these two newspapers here?”

Me: “I suppose so, but just so you know, we usually reserve this desk for those who need something from customer service.”

Regular Customer: “Well, I’m just buying my two papers like I do every day.”

Me: “I know that, and that’s why I’ll do it for you this time.”

Regular Customer: “There’s nobody here, anyway. You’re just standing around gossiping and doing nothing! I’m not going to stand in line for fifteen minutes while you talk!”

Me: “I just can’t have a long line at the desk, because those who actually need my services won’t be able to get them if I have lots of people checking out.”

Regular Customer: “Well, when it’s slow, you could be doing it.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t change policy based on how slow the store is.”

Regular Customer: “Whatever! I’ll talk to [Store Director] about it!” *Storms out*

I was angry but it was quite funny to see him threaten me when I knew the director would do nothing as he hadn’t and wouldn’t be back to work anytime soon! He had been out for two months for surgery at this point.

We have just opened for the day and the first person to walk in is a man with his young daughter. He has a thick accent and English is not his first language, so when he comes up to the desk to ask a question, it’s difficult to understand what he’s asking.

I’m eventually able to tell that he’s asking where the children’s side is. I point him in the right direction and he and his daughter are on their way. A minute or so later, I see him leave but not with the little girl. My coworker notices it, too, and before I can say something, she gets up and calls out to the guy.

He’s on his way to work but came here first to drop off his daughter for the day! We tell him that he cannot leave her here because we are not a daycare. He just keeps on saying he has to get to work.

Eventually, we are able to get him to understand that we cannot watch his daughter and he goes back to get her and leaves. Now, this would not be the first time a parent left their very young child on the kid’s side thinking we would watch them, but they at least always stayed in the building. This one just took the cake.

I’m training at my new job, learning how to schedule patients for medical appointments. At this point in the training, I’m answering calls and scheduling while my trainer watches to be sure I’ve learned what I need to and in case I have questions. A man calls to schedule a non-urgent appointment, hoping to get in the next day. Unfortunately, we don’t have anything available.

Me: “I know you were hoping to get in earlier, but the next available appointment I can find for you is the coming Monday, at 11:00.”

Caller: “Hmm, I was really hoping to get in tomorrow. There’s nothing open?”

There are a few slots for emergencies, but again, his is a non-urgent need, so I don’t even tell him about those.

Me: “The soonest I can offer you is that spot on Monday. I can schedule you for it and also put you on our cancellation list; it’s no guarantee, but if someone cancels an appointment in the next few days before Monday, we’ll call you to get you in sooner.”

Caller: *Perfectly pleasant, not a hint of rudeness* “How about, instead of the cancellation list, you call some of the other patients and ask if they’d be willing to reschedule to Monday, and I can have one of those spots?”

My trainer’s eyes go wide.

Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Caller: *Again, no rude tone in the slightest* “I can call them for you if you give me their phone numbers; I’m sure you have a busy job.”

My trainer’s jaw about hits the floor now.

Me: “No, sir, I can’t give out patients’ private information. The best I can offer is that Monday appointment and the cancellation list.”

Caller: *Still incredibly pleasant* “Okay, I guess that will work. Let me give you my cell phone number so you can reach me right away if anyone cancels.”

I book the appointment and put him on the cancellation list with his cell number, and the polite but baffling call ends.

Trainer: “I’ve been working here for seven years. I have never heard anyone ask for patients’ phone numbers to call them asking to trade appointments. If I hadn’t been here listening to the call and you’d told me what happened, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

A long, long time ago, in a city not far away I had a terrible summer job. Right after high school, my friend and I were looking for practically anything to make money, and his older brother told us about a job he’d once had working for this guy washing windows.

This guy owns what appears to be a semi-legitimate business; he has a full shop/garage where he stores cleaning products, big fancy tubs that use sonic waves to wash blinds in, and a new work truck. He’s also a hardcore penny pincher and buys the cheapest, crappiest insurance he can on the truck.

Initially, when we got hired on, he would meet us at the shop at 7:00 am, give us the work orders, and ride out with us for on-the-job training. After a couple of weeks, he would just leave the work orders in his office and then leave us to our own devices.

We weren’t lazy. We got paid hourly around $9 an hour, but we commissioned based on the number of individual windows we cleaned in a day, and windows that required a ladder paid an extra $0.50 each, so if we knocked out three or four jobs in one day, we could take home $14 or $15 an hour.

We were both eighteen, and for whatever reason, the boss didn’t bother to ask or check our hiring paperwork to confirm this. After a month or so, he found out how old we were. It turned out that the insurance on his truck had a clause that anyone driving had to be at least twenty-five years old with a clean driving record or his monthly payment would triple. So, he made it very, very clear to us that we were not to drive the truck, and if he found out we were doing it anyway, he’d fire us and dock any bonus/commission pay from our final checks.

I need to drive home the fact that he was so g**d** delusional that he never paid attention to anything. One day, we came into the shop and saw a stack of about fifteen jobs; however, he didn’t schedule anyone else — he never actually scheduled himself because he expected the shop to just run itself — except for the two of us that day.

He liked to micromanage but simultaneously never picked up his phone if we called him. So, despite calling him numerous times to let him know we couldn’t do anything, we ended up just sitting in the shop and listening to the radio for most of the day.

About five hours later, he called one of us to ask how things were going, how many jobs we’d finished, and if we needed help to get any completed. We explained that we’d been sitting in the shop all day waiting for him to come in so we could get started. At this point, he went f****** ballistic and started just tearing us up one side and down the other about wasting his time and money and blah, blah, blah. “Why didn’t you call me!?” “Who else is there?!” “Has anyone finished any of the jobs?!”

That was our last day there, but we threatened to report him if he didn’t pay us for the time we’d sat in the shop that day, so we still got paid almost a full day’s wages. From what I heard, within a year or so, his shop folded.

I’m the assistant manager of a local video game store. I’ve been out for a couple months due to health reasons, but I have been back to work for about a week. While I’m used to my fair share of dumb and unreasonable customers, usually it’s nothing too outrageous. Usually.

Customer: “I need a [Game Console].”

Me: “Okay, we have a couple of models in stock right now. They’ll be over in this case.”

Because of how we do things, we don’t sell new consoles. Any system we have is used, and we’ve only ever had used.

Customer: “I want a new one. I don’t wanna give my kid something that’s been touched.”

Me: “We don’t have any new [Console]s in stock, but there’s a [Retail Chain] just up the road that might have them.”

Customer: “I’m not going there. I want one here.”

Me: “We have no new systems. Not in the case, not in the back, nowhere.”

Customer: “Then order me one! I’m not leaving without one!”

I’m pretty annoyed already. Most people just settle for used or go somewhere else.

Me: “I can’t order anything for you. We don’t buy new systems.”

Customer: “WELL, BUY ONE OFF OF [LARGE ONLINE RETAILER]!”

Luckily for me, the owner of the store lets us deal with these types of customers however we see fit — within reason, of course.

Me: “Nah. You’re gonna leave.”

Customer: “No, I won’t! You’re going to get me a [Console]! For free now, since you’ve given me trouble!”

Me: “Nope. I’ve told you we don’t have new systems. We have never had new systems and probably never will.”

Customer: “WELL, I—”

Me: “You’re going to leave.”

Customer: “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!”

Me: “Someone far too old to be throwing a tantrum in a store because they can’t get their way. You’ve got one minute to leave before I call the cops for trespassing.”

She glares at me and storms out. I think nothing of it until a couple of hours later. My coworker tells me someone on the phone wants a manager. The store manager and owner are both out today, so I go to answer.

Me: “Hi, manager here.”

Customer: “One of your employees was so rude to me! I asked for a [Console] and she just threw me out!”

I recognize the voice as the woman from earlier.

Me: “She kicked you out just for asking about a [Console]?”

Customer: “Yes! I want her fired!”

Me: “Hmm… you sure you didn’t demand something we don’t have, after being told several times we didn’t have it, throw a screaming fit demanding it, and have to be told to leave several times?”

Customer: “THAT B**** IS LYING TO YOU! I did nothing wrong!”

Me: “I am that b****.”

Customer: “YOU F****** C***! I WANTED A MANAGER!”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “YOU’RE F****** NOT!”

Me: “If you’re gonna scream like that, I’m hanging up.”

Customer: “YOU’D BETTER—”

I hang up. She immediately calls back and starts yelling again.

Me: “Ma’am. I gave you options. You insisted on being unreasonably rude. Then, you thought it would be okay to call with a fake story to get someone fired because you didn’t get your way. I’m going to hang up again. If you continue to call back, I will consider that harassment and give your information to the cops, seeing as we have caller ID that gives me your full name.”

Customer: “YOU CAN’T—”

Me: “I can and I will. Repeatedly calling someone to yell at them is harassment. You also are banned from the store. If you come back in, we will call the cops. Understood?”

Customer: “I… You…”

Me: “Do not call back.”

I hang up again. My coworker shakes his head at me.

Coworker: “You haven’t missed that part of this place, have you?”

Me: “Nope. Not one bit.”