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Losing Track Of Your Mind

, , , , | Right | April 23, 2010

Caller: “I cannot find my order number or my order. I need the tracking information.”

Me: “Okay. Can I please have your login name so that I can look up your order history?”

(The caller gives their login name and I look up their order history.)

Me: “Ma’am, so that I know we are looking at the same page, can you please tell me what you see?”

Caller: “I see ‘order number.’ I did this already!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. That number is your order number.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. It said ‘order number,’ but I wasn’t sure that’s what it meant.”

Me: “Okay, so let’s track your package. I see that the package has been delivered on the fifth, which was twenty days ago.”

Caller: “Oh? Who signed for it?”

Me: “The initials say [letters].”

Caller: “Oh, so it was me! I just can’t seem to find that package around here. Could your computer tell me where I put it?”


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A Major Problem With A Minor Request

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bookstore]!”

Caller: “Hi, I have to do a project where I read to kids and they respond. Do you have that?”

Me: “You need a book to read to them? Sure! We have plenty of children’s books.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “Right, we have plenty of books you could chose from to read to them.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “So, what exactly is it that you need from us?”

Caller: “Can I do that there?”

Me: “Well, we don’t provide the children.”

Caller: *disappointed* “Oh, okay. Bye.”


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A Burning Question

, , , | Right | April 12, 2010

(Our restaurant is having work done to the roof. A construction worker accidentally sets the insulation on fire, pouring smoke into the building. As the fire trucks are fighting the fire, a lady pulls up in a car.)

Customer: “Do you sell gift certificates?”

Me: “Why, yes, but I can’t sell you any right now.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: *points at the fire and the firemen* “The store is currently on fire.”

Customer: “Can’t you just run in and grab some for me?”

Matchless Yet Priceless

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2010

Me: “Okay, that will be $230.11.”

Customer: “I’ll give you $75 for it.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “$110.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our prices are set.”

Customer: “Okay. $159.”

Me: “I am really sorry. I can’t bring it down from $230.11. If you’d like, I can help you pick out something within your price range?”

Customer: “Fine. Throw in that and I’ll get out of your hair.” (Points to a $100 handheld massager.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So much for price match! F*** this!” *leaves*

Extremely Last Minute Shopping

, , , | Right | April 5, 2010

Me: “Hello, ma’am! Is there something I can help you find?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this jacket for a ski trip. Do you have this one?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. They are over there on that fixture. Let me know if I can check for a size in the back.”

(The customer goes off, looks at the jackets then comes back.)

Customer: “There wasn’t the size I needed on the rack. Could you check in the back?”

Me: *checks in back* “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that size.”

Customer: “What?! Why don’t you have it?”

Me: “Well, I can order it for you. It will only take about a week.”

Customer: “I can’t wait a week.”

Me: “We can also expedite shipping. When do you leave?”

Customer: “I’m on my way to the airport.”


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