I work for a national phone company, receiving call from clients with various requests: overcharging, Internet problems, product upgrades, etc.

Client: “I want to change the day you charge me the bill.”

Me: “Sure! You can choose between the sixth, the twelfth, the eighteenth, the twenty-fourth, and the thirtieth.”

Client: “Mmm, can’t you charge me on the first or second? By the sixth, I will have spent all my money and the bank will reject it.”

I mentally ask myself how changing the date will solve what, apparently, is a problem of income, but I continue.

Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the only dates that are available.”

Client: “Can’t you do something? I don’t want to be overcharged.”

After some minutes of discussion and him remarking his inability to pay after the first days of the month, he finally accepts the situation and desists on changing anything. I actually feel sorry for him.

Me: “I am sorry, sir. I would change it if I could.”

Client: “Nah, it’s okay. By the way, there’s something else I want.”

Me: “Of course! What is it?”

Client: “I want to buy [Smartwatch from a very expensive tech company] in instalments.”

Me: “Well, um… I can’t sell those. I will transfer you to the sales department.”

Client: “Okay, thank you!”

After the transfer, I stood at my desk, completely shocked. I had met low-budget clients spending too much before, but how on earth can you ask for credit for a smartwatch right after explaining how bad your finances are?

I work in a donation center and thrift shop. Normally, I work accepting donations, but this time, I’m in the electronics section untangling wires and removing things people jammed into disc slots.

Customer: “Do you have record players?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t have any out here at the moment.”

Customer: “Can you check the back?”

Me: “All right, I’ll be back in a minute.”

This is the sort of store that COULD have nearly anything in the back at any moment without anyone in the front knowing, so I go over to the back and ask the coworkers there if they had seen any record players. Everyone says no, so I return back to the customer.

Me: “No, no one in the back has seen any record players lately.”

Customer: “When will you have more?”

Me: “We’ll have more when people donate some.”

Customer: “Then when will people donate more record players?”

Me: “Honestly, we don’t know. We don’t have any control over when they donate record players.”

Customer: “I’m not asking that. I’m asking when people will donate more record players!”

Me: “Again, we really can’t say. Perhaps someone is coming over right now with a record player, or perhaps we won’t get another one all year. It’s up to the donors to decide what to donate and when.”

Customer: “Let me ask again. Do you have record players?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “That’s what I wanted to know!”

And then he walked off.

Our delivery area is kind of strange. We go three miles in one direction but only one mile in the other. I don’t understand how they determined our delivery area.

I answer the phone and the lady on the other end is immediately on the offensive.

Caller: “Hi. I’d like to order some pizzas for delivery and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t deliver to me! I’m only two miles from where you are. Two miles! If you don’t deliver to me, I’m going to go to [Competitor]!”

Me: “Okay. May I have your address, please?”

She gives it to me, and I immediately know that this is not in our delivery area, but I put it into the ordering computer anyway just to be sure.

Me: “I’m sorry. But you are not in our delivery area.”

Caller: “TWOOOOOO MIIIIIILES! I’M ONLY TWOOOOOOO MIIIIIILES FROM YOU!”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. Our delivery area is shaped pretty weirdly, but I think corporate has plans to build another store in your area.”

Caller: “TWOOOOOO MIIIIIIILES! I guess I’m going to [Competitor], then, if you won’t deliver to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m not allowed to take a delivery order outside our area.”

Caller: *In a very condescending tone* “Looks like I’m going to [Competitor]!”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

I work as a cashier at a popular pet store. A certain cat food that is very popular is having production problems, so we are very short on certain flavors of said food. Most customers understand that this is not our fault, but then there are some like this woman.

Me: “Hi there! Were you able to find what you were looking for today?”

This is a standard greeting I use for every customer I greet at the register.

Customer: *Yelling* “No! I never find what I’m looking for now! And I can’t stand when you all ask that over and over!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. I’m required to ask every customer. Are you referring to the cat food shortage? Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about that as it is the producer that is not shipping us the product.”

Customer: “I don’t care! This is all my cat will eat. You have to get more! I’m sick of not finding what I’m looking for!”

Me: “I apologize again, ma’am, but there is honestly nothing we can do—”

Customer: “Get the manager; this is ridiculous!”

Me: *Thinking* “Gladly…”

The manager comes over. Little does she know, he is a no-nonsense man and does NOT believe the customer is always right. After listening to her rant:

Manager: “So, you want us to somehow force the production company to send us a product they don’t have and can’t make at the moment?”

Customer: “Well, that’s not what I sai—”

Manager: “That’s what you just said to me, ma’am. I was just summarizing for you.”

Customer: “So, I’m dumb now, huh?”

Manager: “Not at all, ma’am. We just can’t do anything for you. Your best bet is to call the production company.”

Customer: “I’ll do that!”

After she snatches her purchases out of my hand, she stomps out. My manager just laughs and shakes his head.

Me: “You know they’re just going to tell her to get bent, right?”

Manager: “Oh, I know, but at least she’ll be on hold for a good hour, though.”

A customer comes into the store and decides to purchase a clearance lamp. He approaches me and tries to get me to give him an extra discount on top of the clearance price.

Me: “Why? Is it damaged?”

Customer: “No, it’s just a gift for my wife and she won’t use it that much.”

Me: *Pauses* “No, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Oh, well, then, maybe you could help me out and buy it for me with your employee discount?”

Me: “No, I can’t. I could get fired; plus, my discount is only ten percent.”

Customer: *Leaning in close to me* “Nobody would know; it’s between you and me.”

I point up to the ceiling to the cameras with a deadpan expression.

Customer: “You could meet me somewhere and I will give you the money, and then we can meet again later so I can get the lamp. We don’t have to do it all at once.”

Me: “Uh, no. Still not happening.”

He made frustrated noises, muttered, “Aw, man, you suck,” and then reluctantly paid for the lamp and left with it.

You must be thinking that it must be a really expensive lamp to make it worth all the running around for a ten-percent discount.

Nope, the lamp was $47. The discount would have been less than $5 savings.

I told the store manager about it and he had a good laugh. He said I should have told him I could give him a five-dollar discount for a ten-dollar upcharge. 

I’ll have to keep that one in mind!