I work in a call center for a popular luxury brand line of vehicles. Most of our customers, being business owners and executives, are polite and cordial to us, but there is one persistent jerkoff who constantly feels the need to condescend any one of our agents unlucky enough to take his call, i.e. “That’s why I command a $1.2 million salary while you get paid nine bucks an hour to drive to work in a 1997 Honda Something and take my calls!”

Another favorite antic of his is to threaten to sue the company over petty issues such as a service being down for maintenance.

Our company recently introduced a new service that became instantly popular with our customers, and as a courtesy, we offered an option online to set up a callback appointment so that an agent could get back to them about signing up. Then, we get a call from Mr. Wonderful.

Customer: “I put in a callback request for 4:00 pm. It’s 6:00 pm now. Why wasn’t I called?”

Me: “Sir, I apologize. We’ve been overwhelmed with an unexpected volume of calls—”

Customer: “That’s not my problem! I asked you to call me at 4:00 pm. Why was I not called?”

Me: “Again, we are experiencing a high volume of calls regarding this service, and there were not any available agents to call you regarding this. I apologize—”

Customer: “Your apology is not accepted.”

He starts ranting about his money, respect for elite customers, this is a premium brand and premium treatment is expected, blah blah blah.

Me: “Okay, well, were you interested in signing up for the service? I can get registered right now.”

Customer: “No, that’s not how this works. I’m the customer. You will call me when I tell you to, you understand me, young man?”

I’m thirty-five years old.

Customer: “Now, I’m going to hang up. At 4:00 pm tomorrow, you will call me back, and you will give a deep, thorough, heartfelt apology for disrespecting me the way you have, and I expect you to compensate me for this serious inconvenience. And then you will tend to my concern. Do you understand me, young man?”

I weigh out my options and consequences.

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today, Mr. [Customer]?”

Customer: “It’s a simple yes or no question. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YOUNG MAN?”

I decide to take a gamble.

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.” *Hangs up*

Fortunately, that call was never pulled up for review, and no, I did not call him as he demanded. But something ironic happened afterward: he called two days following his disregarded demand callback appointment date and very politely asked for me to sign him up for the service. And from then on, he was polite with every contact he made to our office.

At the store where I work, customers can place an order online and pick it up curbside. When they place an order, they receive an initial email that reads something like, “Do not come to the store yet. Your order will be ready by 8:00 pm on [date]. You will receive an email when your item is ready to be picked up.” Then, usually a few hours later, they receive a second email that reads along the lines of, “Your item is ready to be picked up!”

I get this customer at 11:30 am on a day we are short-staffed and really busy with shopping for orders.

Customer: “I’m here to pick up an order for [Customer].”

Me: “I’m not seeing that name in our system. Could it be under an alternate name?”

Customer: “No, I placed the order myself.”

Me: “Did you place it for this store?”

Customer: “Yes, I placed the order this morning for this location.”

I realize what the problem most likely is. If she placed the order this morning, it most likely isn’t ready yet.

Me: “Have you gotten an email saying your item is ready for pickup?”

Customer: “Yes, I got the email.”

She shows me her email. It’s the “Do not come yet” email, not the “Your order is ready” email.

Me: “I’m sorry, but your email says it will be ready by 8:00 pm tonight. It’s only 11:30 am, so the order most likely hasn’t been shopped yet.”

Customer: “Well, I’m here. Go get it for me.”

I check the shopping lists our personal shoppers use to collect the items for customers. The list this customer’s item would be in isn’t due for three more hours, and we have several larger lists due before then. I cannot tell one of the shoppers to skip a big list and do this lady’s first because that could delay an order for a customer who scheduled pickup for noon or one o’clock, long before this customer. I explain this to the customer. She is not happy.

Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t just get it to me. I’m here now. I want my order now.”

Me: “I understand that, but your order is not scheduled until 8:00 pm. We have customers who have orders scheduled before yours, and I cannot risk delaying their orders.”

Customer: “Then I’ll just go in and grab it off the shelf and show it to you. I’ve already paid.”

Me: “Actually, you haven’t. You don’t pay until one of our personal shoppers gives you the item. When we shop for it, we scan it with our computers and they print out a sticker with a barcode for it. When the customer arrives, we have to scan that barcode. You don’t get charged until we scan that. You have not paid for the item yet.”

Customer: “Then go shop it for me!”

There are several more cars waiting for their groceries. We are too busy today for me to leave the parking lot and shop for the lady’s item. Our shoppers are already behind due to call-offs and sick leaves. There is no way I or anyone else can get her order eight hours early. I explain that to her again.

Customer: “This is so f****** stupid. This whole department is so f****** stupid. I pay good money here and all I get are stupid, lazy workers who won’t do their f****** job. Just cancel my order. I’m not coming back tonight!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customers choose their pickup time. If she had wanted her items at 11:30 am, why did she set 8:00 pm as her time?

Client: “Can we do a website in complete 3D? Maybe users can print out 3D glasses to look at it too!”

This is a follow-up to this story. Hurricane Irma tore our store’s roof off. The business owners and I are now inside the store, trying to salvage what we can.

We’ve got two trailers outside in front of the entrance. We positioned them so you can’t get to the entrance without stepping over the hitch. We’ve taped off the area with yellow caution tape.

The power is off. It’s about ninety-five degrees F inside. A good two inches of water is standing stagnant on the floor. Ceiling tiles and insulation are hanging and periodically falling to the floor. 

Everything smells like wet death.

I look up from what used to be my desk to see a woman, standing in the middle of what used to be our lobby, holding a box.

Customer: “Can I get this shipped out?”

Not completely convinced I’m not seeing things, I slowly shake my head no. She turns around and walks out. The owner sees her climbing over the trailer hitch to get out with her box. 

Store Owner: “You have got to be s***ting me!”

Related:
This Story Starts With Hurricanes, And Then It Gets Worse, Part 2
This Story Starts With Hurricanes, And Then It Gets Worse

I work ten-hour days in an office. On one Saturday, I finish my tasks around hour seven.

Me: “Hey, [Manager], I’ve finished my daily tasks. Is there anything else I can do?”

We go back and forth a few times, him asking, “Did you do [task]?” and me answering, “Yes.”

Manager: “I don’t have anything for you to do.”

Me: “So… can I go home early?”

Manager: *Angry* “No! Why would you be allowed to leave early?!”

Me: “Sorry… I just thought I’d cut some time from payroll.”

I have already worked fifty hours Monday to Friday this week, so Saturday is all time and a half pay. It wouldn’t save the company a whole lot of money but it would give me the afternoon to catch up on housework and maybe sleep a little. I ask around and find some small jobs — making photocopies, sweeping, and other five-minute tasks — to do for other people, but those last few hours just crawl along.

When my next paycheck comes, I notice it is short. I go to my manager.

Me: “[Manager], I think payroll messed up. I’m missing three hours of overtime.”

Manager: “No, it’s right. I told them you finished your work three hours early on Saturday.”

Me: “But… I was here.”

Manager: “But not doing your job.”

Me: “I asked to leave to cut payroll; you said no. Now you’re docking my pay anyway?”

Manager: “If you had just done your job instead of bothering everyone else, I wouldn’t have said anything. Instead, I saw you going around doing who-knows-what for hours. I’m not paying you to goof off.”

Me: “I didn’t, though. I was doing small tasks for other people. Go ask them if you don’t believe me. It was—”

Manager: “[My Name], that’s enough. You told me you weren’t doing your job; I deducted your pay. Next time, I’ll just fire you.”

Me: “This is… I can’t even… No. No, no, no.”

I walked out and contacted human resources immediately. They admitted that [Manager] told them I left early and that my time card should be adjusted, but after reviewing the security tapes near the time clock and around the office, they saw that I had not left early and I was in fact working the entire time. HR promised my next paycheck would have the shorted time added on. It was, and the next time I ran out of work to do, I avoided telling [Manager] and just went around asking others if they needed help anyway.