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Drunk Dialin’

, , , | Right | November 12, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!”

Me: “Why is that, sir?”

Customer: “Well, youse is the phone company, right? Youse guys make the phones ring, right?”

Me: “Umm…”

Customer: “My phone f***ing rang and I knocked my bottle over tryin’ to get it.”

Me: “Oh, right.” *laughs*

Customer: “YOU THINK I’M JOKIN’?! Get me a manager!”

Me: “Sir, we’re not responsible for you knocking over your liquor.”

Customer: “Yes, you f***in’ are! I want a credit on my bill!”

Me: *click*


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PB&Js In My PJs

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2008

Me: “Hello?”

Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–”

Me: “Uh, excuse me?”

Male caller: “That was a #9.”

Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”

Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?”

Me: “My… house?”

Male caller: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?”

Label Whores

, , , | Right | November 10, 2008

Customer: “I saw in your flier that y’all sell Swarovski crystal beads. Where would I find those?”

Me: “In the beading aisle, ma’am. It’s the third up from the back, and the beads should be at the end nearest the wall.”

Customer: “I already looked there! There aren’t any!”

Me: “Oh, here they are, right here.”

Customer: “Wait… are you sure? Those don’t say Swarovski on them.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, they do, right here.”

Customer: “Show me the ones that say Swarovski on them!”

Me: “These ones right here, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, no, no! The ones that SAY ‘Swarovski’ ON THEM! Not on the cardboard!”

Me: Wait… you want them to say Swarovski on the bead itself?”

Customer: “Yes, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, these beads are tiny. There wouldn’t be room to write ‘Swarovski’ on them even if they wanted to or could. ”

Customer: “Well, then, why bother?”

If That Doesn’t Work, Try Hogwarts

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2008

Customer: “Oi, you! I need a coat and it’s not here!”

Me: “Certainly, miss, do you have the catalogue number?”

Customer: “No! I’ve told you it’s not here!”

Me: “Okay, describe it.”

Customer: “I want one that will keep me dry and warm in winter, but cool in summer.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock magic coats.”

Customer: “Well, where could I f***ing find one like it?!”

Me: “…Narnia?”


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Make That A Triple Non-Fat Sexy Latte

, , , | Right | November 3, 2008

(A woman walks into the coffee shop and orders a latte with “sexy” foam. I make what I thought was a latte with really “sexy” foam.)

Customer: “F***! This isn’t right. I want it with really sexy foam.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I make her another, with lots of really thick foam.)

Customer: “No, no! Sexy foam, really sexy foam!”

Me: “Okay, so less?”

Customer: “No, you know… sexy! Sexy foam!”

(I make her a third drink. This time less foam and more milk.)

Customer: “You don’t get it! I want sexy foam. Really sexy foam!”

Me: *giving up* “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!”


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