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Playing Along, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 11, 2008

(I get a call for troubleshooting from a lady who says her remote doesn’t work.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, could you try changing the channel for me? Tell me if a light flashes on the remote.”

Lady: “Okay.”

(There are a few loud beeps from her phone in my ear and she comes back on the line.)

Lady: “Nope, no flashing.”

Me: “Ma’am you’re trying to change the channel with your phone, not the remote control.”

Lady: “I can’t find the clicker, and I know my neighbor changes channels with her phone.”

(This is before smartphones, so she is talking about the old-style analog phones.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not possible.”

Lady: “Don’t accuse me of lying! I saw her do it with my own eyes.”

Me: “…”

(I try for ten minutes to explain to her why she can’t use her phone, and even make a futile attempt to troubleshoot her phone.)

Me: “Okay, well it looks like your satellite receiver isn’t compatible with your phone.”

Lady: “Yes it is. My neighbor and I have the same phone and same receiver. NOW HELP ME, DUMB-A**!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a cordless phone?”

Lady: “Yes!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s try reprogramming your phone. What I need you to do is press and hold the ‘off’ button for five seconds. This will clear the old code, so we can put the new one in.”

Lady: “Okaay—” *click*

(I hear my supervisor a few rows away from me bust out laughing.)

All Are Retail Slaves

, , , | Right | April 10, 2008

(Note: I wasn’t actually an employee, I was just a regular customer walking around this store. A middle-aged woman walks up to me.)

Lady: “Excuse me, do you have any golf clubs?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

Lady: “But you look like you do…”

Me: “Sorry, no… all the employees here have red vests and tags that say [Store Name] on them.”

Lady: “But can you tell me where the golf clubs are?”

Me: “No, I don’t even live in this town. I am just looking around.”

Lady: “Well, you’re no help. I might as well look in the other store.” *walks away in a huffy mood*

Me: *loudly* “MAYBE IF YOU PAID ME, I’D HELP!”

How Dorothy Does Her Shopping

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2008

(This happened during a tornado that crashed down just up the street from the store I worked in. The power went out, and one of the AC units had almost been ripped off the building. After a brief panic in which all customers and staff were shut in the tornado-shelter/assistant manager’s office, we employees locked down the building and started counting down registers, waiting until the storm had calmed down to let anyone go. It was raining, and the parking lot was actually flooding at this point.)

Me: “Wouldn’t it be funny if someone came tearing in here, possessed with the desire to buy something? Because obviously, in the dark, during a tornado, this is the best time to beat crowds.”

Team Lead: *laughs* “That’s mean.”

(Not ten minutes later, standing by the glass front doors to watch the storm, we see a woman run across the four-lane highway outside, dodging between stopped cars. She tears across the parking lot, carrying her high heels in her hand, and stops to put them on before trying the doors to our building. She tugs, but they’re locked, so of course, she knocks. After a moment of amazement, our Ladies department manager answers the door.)

Department Manager: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Woman: *panting* “Really?”

Me: “Tornado took our power out.”

Woman: “Are you really closed?”

(By now, both the captive customers and the employees are exchanging glances. I look at our team lead, who stares wide-eyed at the woman.)

Department Manager: “There’s really no way we could ring you up for anything. We have no power.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s too bad. I thought now would be a good time to get some shopping done! I’ll just go back to my car, then.”

Department Manager: “Ma’am, there is torrential rain pouring down out there, and the wind is moving the cars.”

Woman: “Well I can’t buy anything, so why should I stay?” *leaves*

(Though our policy states that we should try to detain people, we cannot legally do that, so our manager lets her go. I turn to our team lead and say…)

Me: “…didn’t I just tell that joke?”


This story is part of the More-Customers-Versus-Mother-Nature roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories About Customers Versus Mother Nature

 

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Always Right, Even When At The Wrong Store

, , , | Right | April 8, 2008

(I work in a motor factor (in America, an auto parts/accessories shop) which is on the same estate as a car workshop. Outside there is a huge sign for the workshop stating the things that they do e.g. brakes, exhausts, MOT testing, etc.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to book my car in for a five-point service.”

(Now, we do various easy-peasy checks e.g. oil, water, and we fit batteries, bulbs, radios, etc., so often customers are often confused as to exactly what we do and do not do.)

Me: “You mean the five-point check? Just pull your car into the bay outside and I’ll be out in a minute.”

Customer: “No, NO, I meant the service you have advertised outside! New brakes, oil change!”

Me: “I think you’re confusing us with the garage next door. We’re just a motor factor.”

Customer: “But you’ve got a sign outside!”

Me: “Let’s have a look then…”

(We look and the sign is for the garage next door, not our motor factor. I point out that our building has a completely different name outside it.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising! Why can’t you do it?! I demand that I get a free service for the inconvenience you have caused me!”

Me: “Sorry mate, we’re just a motor factor. I’d happily service my own car, but I’m not a mechanic, I’m a history student. If you’d like the five-point service, try the building with the same name as on the sign.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want YOU–” *stabs me in the chest with his finger* “–to service my car right now!”

Me: “Okay, if you just follow me, and talk to that gentleman there–” *points at garage owner* “–I can service your car straight away.”

Customer: *walks off swearing*


This story is part of the Wrong But Committed Customers roundup!

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The Land Of Maple Leafed Savages

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is [My Name], how can I help you?

Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?”

Me: “[Company] technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?”

Me: “Nope… just got radio, in fact, I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”

Customer: “Oh… well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” *click*

Supervisor: *monitoring calls* “You can’t be serious.”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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