I work for a TV company. We get stupid questions all the time, but this dude has to be at least in the top ten.

Customer: “I was dumb enough to be paying for [Streaming Service], so I cancelled it because my TV has those apps. I’m calling to find out how to get those apps.”

Me: “Those apps are built in, but a lot of them require a subscription.”

Customer: “But my brother’s TV has [Smart TV Service]. Why does it have [Smart TV Service], then?”

It’s probably a [Smart TV Service] TV, which would only mean it’s running their operating system, not that it has free apps included. Instead of trying to explain that:

Me: “You should contact that TV manufacturer and ask them.”

Customer: “But my remote has buttons for those apps, so it’s only logical the apps should be free!”

Long story short, the call ended up with a supervisor and the dude is going to email the CEO of the company to have this situation “corrected”.

I have an overgrown piece of land that I haven’t touched in many many years, partly as I’ve never had a use for it and partly the cost of a skip or hiring a van. A friend offers the use of his dad’s old landscaping tools, so I figure I should at least cut it back, even if I have to figure out how to get rid of it later.

I start with the dead trees, cutting them down and then into smaller logs. I sit them around the front, well out of the way of the path still. Then, I head round back to tackle some of the bushes and thorny vines. It takes a few days. Then, I have another small tree I can now reach to cut up, again into small, movable pieces. I bring them round front and go to stack them with the rest, but they’re missing.

I search around to make sure they haven’t rolled away or some kids haven’t kicked them down the road. But no, gone.

Good job, as I didn’t want them, I suppose. I stack the rest of the wood, slightly closer to the path, to lure my wood thief into unwittingly doing me another favour. Sure enough, a few days later, the wood is gone. I get on with the rest of the weeding and digging.

I get a knock on the door. A middle-aged guy is stood there.

Man: “Got any more wood?”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry.”

Man: “What about them?”

He points to the neighbours’ garden and two ornamental trees.

Me: “No, they belong to the neighbours.”

Man: “That one?”

He points behind himself.

Me: “That would be the council’s tree.”

Man: “Oh, can I borrow your saw?”

Images of several missing telegraph poles going missing flash to mind.

Me: “Sorry, no. Try the DIY store up the road.”

I shut the door but kept a watch. He tried looking through to the back anyway, hoping no doubt for some hidden forest, but then he dejectedly loped off. It was that very day I put up some cameras and hid all my wooden spoons, just in case he returned.

I work for a 311 call center; we’re basically a non-emergency services and municipal information line. People call us for all kinds of city-related stuff.

An elderly lady is calling to complain.

Caller: “A car blocking my daughter’s parking space.”

She is a little all over the place with what she is saying and is starting to rant, and on top of that, she has an accent that makes it a bit harder to understand her, but this is a common thing people call about.

Me: “Is it a car blocking your driveway?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Is the car parked in the driveway itself, or is it on the street blocking the entrance?”

Caller: “No, it’s on the street blocking my front door.”

I’m confused but I still try to clarify.

Me: “Is it parked on the sidewalk outside your house?”

Caller: “No, it’s blocking my daughter’s car.”

Me: “So it’s double-parked?”

Caller: “No, it’s parked where she parks.”

After a few more rounds of questions just to be sure I completely understand her, it eventually turns out that she is calling because there is a car parked in front of her house where her daughter usually parks. The car isn’t in violation of any laws or anything, and this isn’t a reserved parking spot. This woman is just mad that someone has parked somewhere they are legally allowed to park.

Caller: “But it has [Out Of State] plates. Parking in this neighborhood isn’t good. My daughter will have to park around the corner and walk farther. This driver from [Out Of State] shouldn’t be able to park here.”

For what feels like the millionth time:

Me: “I understand that it’s frustrating, ma’am, but I can’t take a police report about a car legally parked on the street just because your daughter wants to park in front of the house. It doesn’t matter if it’s from out of state.”

Eventually, she hung, up grumbling about how we were useless. Because, you know, if we won’t or can’t accept a police request against someone who isn’t breaking the law, what good are we?

I’m a shift supervisor at a small store in a small mall. We have a regular that comes into the store. She routinely is a pain and is very entitled. Her favorite thing to say to excuse her demands is, “I deserve [whatever] because I spend lots of money here.” This particular incident is her most insane and entitled visit to our store yet.

[Regular] came in and approached me as I was stocking some shelves.

Regular: “Excuse me. I need tissues. I’m very sweaty. I’m a runner, you know.”

Me: “Hi, ma’am. Unfortunately, we don’t have any to give to customers due to [the health crisis]. However, there is a public bathroom across the hall that is open where you can freshen up. Or you can purchase some purse tissue or wipe packs.”

Regular: “No, I am a regular customer here. I’ve already spent enough; I don’t need to buy it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any tissues to give you. You will either have to grab some from the washroom across the hall or buy some.”

Regular: “But I’m a runner! You really should have some available for customers like me!”

She then walked away, and I turned back to my shelf before I heard the sound of a lot of wipes being pulled from the dispenser. We had some sanitary wipes for wiping carts at the entrance and exit of the store. I walked around the corner to see [Regular] pulling wipe after wipe from the dispenser and putting them into a bag. We have a store policy that is posted on the dispenser that the limit is two wipes per customer.

Me: “Ma’am, please, you can’t take all those. Those are for customers to clean their carts with. Please stop taking so many.”

Regular: “I’ve spent hundreds of dollars here! I deserve a few wipes!”

She then stormed off further into the store, so I guess that got her to stop after all. I went back to the shelf and was left alone for around thirty minutes before I got a page to the cash.

I went up to the front and I saw [Regular] there looking pissed off and my cashier looking confused.

Cashier: “Hey, sorry to bother you, but could you check the price of this? This customer says it should be on sale.”

I looked at the product and recognized it as a product that was on sale last week as part of a promo.

Me: “I’m 99% sure this was on sale last week, but I’ll go double-check to make sure the tag is correct.”

I checked to see and the product she wanted was not on sale; however, a smaller version was. I came back and informed her as such.

Regular: “No, I don’t want that one! I want the big one! It was on sale last week, but I couldn’t come by and get it, so can I just get the sale price now?”

My cashier and I looked at each other before I responded.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s not how sales work. Do you have a raincheck receipt?”

Regular: “No, I wasn’t able to come by! Just adjust the price! I spend so much here! I’ve paid all your wages, so just discount it for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t do that. The sale ended last week. You will have to come back next time it’s on sale.”

Regular: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m friends with the owner! They always give me the most recent sale price!”

I did as she asked and called the store manager up to the front. He came up and heard what she had to say. To my glee, he said:

Manager: “The sale ended last week. You will have to come back when it’s on sale again.”

Regular: “Do you realize how much I spend here? I should get this on sale with how much I spend here! This place is corrupt!”

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but unfortunately, we cannot give you a sale price that is no longer applicable. Otherwise, we’d do it for everyone. Is there anything else we can do for you?”

Regular: “No! This is disgusting! I’m not spending that much!”

She then stormed out without buying anything.

What was the product she wanted? $3.99 toothpaste that was on sale for $1.99 last week. We had a smaller size of the exact toothpaste on sale for $0.99 that week. But no, she didn’t want that one.

After graduating college, I thought I was lucky enough to get a management position with a company on the Forbes 500 list. In all honesty, I am just a glorified dispatcher handling one of the departments in one of the hospitals in the inner city of a very old, old historic city.

In most hospitals, there is something called a priority list: who goes first in any situation. Number one priority are intensive care patients, codes, STATs, and traumas. Next is operating room patients, special procedures, people going to XRAY, Cat Scan, etc. On the very bottom is equipment — things like the pumps used to give people an IV.

Our primary customer is the hospital. We live and breathe to serve the hospital.

Here is a REAL conversation I had with one of the hospital personnel. I have MANY conversations like this daily.

Nurse: “Hello, I am calling from [Unit]. We called for some equipment an hour ago.”

Me: “Yes, I am sorry for the wait, but we currently do not have anyone available to bring that equipment up. As soon as we do, I will make sure it gets to you.”

Nurse: “Well, why is no one available?”

Me: “They are handling other patients in the hospital.”

Nurse: “My equipment is more important.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but the hospital has strict priority standards that we have to stick to.”

Nurse: “Yes, but this equipment is for a patient.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that, but unfortunately, we have had several ICU patients that have had to go down to testing units. In fact, we just received a call for a STAT (very important) ICU to go down for an emergency test for complications.”

Nurse: “Well, equipment should come before anything, as it is for a patient. This is a problem; it needs to change. I want to complain!”

Me: “If I am understanding you correctly, ma’am, you would like things such as a wheelchair, a stretcher, or a pump to come before a patient that is profusely bleeding?”

Nurse: “Yes! The equipment is for the patient. It’s just as important!”

Me: *In disbelief* “Well, I would like to apologize again for the wait, but we will get the equipment up to you as soon as we are able to. Goodbye.” *Click*

Isn’t it nice to know that the next person taking care of you could be this nurse who values an inanimate object over getting you down to a testing procedure that could save your life?

Sometimes I wonder what was worse: retail or hospital customer service.