We offer tours around Venice, Italy. A couple approaches our desk.

Tourist: “I saw you offer water tours of Venice!”

Me: “Yes, madam, we have several!”

Tourist: “Do any of them come with rides on those gorgonzolas?”

Me: “You mean gondolas?”

Tourist: “No! Now which of your tours offer gorgonzola rides?”

Me: “Uh… none of them?”

Tourist: “Then what good are you?!”

Me: “So, what would you like illustrated?”

Client: “I would like a picture.”

Me: “…”

Client: “One big and one small.”

Me: “…”

Client: “…”

Caller: “You need to fix your webpage!”

Me: “What is the issue you’re having with the site, sir?”

Caller: “You need to make it more accessible!”

Me: “We have a range of accessibility options that—”

Caller: “Not everyone my age has the Internet! You need to make it so people can use your webpage without the Internet!”

Me: “You’d like us to make our website accessible without the Internet?”

Caller: “Yes! And make it like a book! And maybe send it out as a book?”

Me: “We have a catalog that we can—”

Caller: “You’re not listening! Tell your website people that the website needs to not be an Internet thing and it needs to be a book.”

Me: “…yes, sir.”

Caller: “You be sure to tell them!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, sir. I’ll be telling everyone.”

I work in a bookstore. Our information desk had a cart where employees could put down go-backs while waiting for a free moment. This cart was almost always piled with things that needed to be put away, usually haphazardly unless someone straightened it out of necessity to make room.

We found out later that a man approached the information desk and, without even talking to anyone, dumped his armload on the cart’s already sizable pile and walked away.

Some time passed and the employees finally got a free moment. Knowing that the cart was one of the closing tasks required of them, they descended upon the cart like a pack of dogs on an unguarded steak and vanished into the sections of the store with their prizes. The cart was picked completely clean.

Some more time passed, and the man returned to the desk.

Customer: “Where are my books?!”

Me: “What’s your name? If it’s on hold, we can retrieve them.”

Customer: “I didn’t leave it. My pile of books was right there!”

He pointed to the empty cart.

Me: *Blinking* “You put them on the Go-Back Cart?”

Customer: “I left them there! You should have known not to put my books away!”

Me: “Did you tell anyone that you were still shopping?”

Customer: “No!

Me: “Did you put your name on them?” 

I gestured to a pile of scratch paper and pens in plain sight.

Customer: “No! I put them there! You should not have touched my books! I was going to buy them!”

Me: “So, you just left a pile of books in a random location, without telling anyone that you wanted them held, and without putting your name on them?”

Customer: “Manager! NOW!”

So, of course, the manager came over, heard the story, and tried to defuse the situation.

Manager: “Sir, do you know any of the titles you selected?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Manager: “Okay, do you know which subjects you got them from?”

She gestured to the clearly-labeled sections of the store.

Customer: “No!”

Manager: “…”

Me: “…”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do to help you.”

Customer: “Service is horrible here! I’m never shopping here again!”

Manager: *Smiling sweetly* “Thank you very much, sir. Have a wonderful rest of the day.”

We have a repeat guest who just comes to the hotel for the outdoor pool. She usually comes in the summer and tries to get in early and/or stay later. Our pool times are fixed and inflexible.

This particular morning, she went when the pool opened at 8:00 am. It is February but warmer than normal here; it’s about seventy degrees (F) outside in the morning. Our pool isn’t heated — it never has been — so when it is seventy outside, the pool is probably going to be around seventy, as well.

The woman comes inside to complain.

Woman: “The pool is freezing! It was warm last time I used it!”

Me: “The pool is not heated and never has been. When you came here in the summer, and it was ninety degrees by 7:00 am, the pool was warmer because the weather was warmer.”

When she checked out later that morning, she asked:

Woman: “Can I come back later to swim?”

Me: “No. You need a key to access the pool, and since you’re not a guest anymore, you won’t have access to a key. And we don’t give out day passes.”

She slammed the keys on the desk and walked out the door. She later wrote a review and mentioned me by name saying how cold I am. I had already written a report about her, so I simply attached a note to corporate to check the file I had already made for her.