Customer: “I need six frozen pizzas as big as tires!”

Me: “I don’t think we sell pizza that big, sir…”

Customer: “Oh come on! I’ve got two flats and only one spare and I don’t wanna call a tow-truck!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that won’t work…”

Customer: “Fine! Be ridiculous! I’m going somewhere else! If Tom Slick could do it, why can’t I?”

Manager: “Holy crap! Sometimes I swear these idiots do these things on purpose!”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

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Customer: “Uh, yes, I need the grey paint for the carpet. Which one is best for the carpet?”

Me: “Sir, we do not have a paint for carpet.”

Customer: “Yes, yes. No… no. You do not understand… see, I need to paint carpet, yes? You tell me which one. Yes, yes?”

Me: “Sir, like I said, it is not advisable to paint your carpet. It will harden and you will not be able to remove it, so I cannot recommend a product at this time.”

Customer: “No, no, you see wrong. I paint floor of car. It is very cheap, I like to paint the carpet, it is cheap, yes? So which one, which one?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand me when I tell you that it is not possible to spray paint carpet. You may dye it, or you may try to remove the stain. I could show you where–”

*customer cuts me off*

Customer: “No, no, you see, I need paint. For carpet, yes? And you show me which one. Yes? We do this now.”

Me: “…okay. Try that grey one over there.”

Customer: “Is it good for carpet?”

Me: *blank stare*

*pause*

Me: “Sure, why not?”

Customer: “Yes, yes, thank you!”

Me: *sigh*

Customer: “Do you have that movie with that guy?”

Me: “Which guy?”

Customer: “Don’t you know what I’m talking about?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t, but if you could tell me which actor was in the movie perhaps I could think of it for you.”

Customer: “You know, that one that was in that movie.”

This story is part of our Customers With Super-Vague Requests roundup!

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(Customer walks onto the lot looking for a car.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yeah, I am looking for a cheap car that will go forever on a tank of gas and will last forever, so I don’t have to take it for any tune-ups.”

Me: “Me too. In fact, let me know when you find it, and I’ll make a better offer on it!”

This story is part of the “Customers Who Don’t Know How The World Works” roundup!

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Woman: “My screw fell out of my glasses. Can you replace it?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

(I go in the back, replace the woman’s screw, and bring it back.)

Woman: “This is all wrong.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “This screw is silver. My screw was gold!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the only screws I have are silver.”

Woman: “But my screw was gold. This thing is cheap.”

Me: “To be fair, your screw wasn’t gold. It just had gold paint on it just like your frames.”

Woman: “How do you know?”

Me: “Well, I looked at the other screw.”

Woman: “I thought this frame was solid gold.”

Me: “I’m afraid not. This is a $120 frame. It’s not going to be made of gold with gold screws for $120.”

Woman: “Can you give me a gold-painted screw?”

Me: “I only have silver, ma’am.”

Woman: “Well, I don’t want it.”

Me: “Would you like me to take it out and give you back your broken glasses?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Then I suggest you take this screw.”

Woman: “I don’t want it!”

Me: “Then I’ll take it out for you.”

Woman: “No! I need them to see.”

(I hand her back her frame, still fully repaired.)

Woman: “I DON’T WANT THAT SCREW!”

Me: “Well, if you find the screw that fell out, I will be happy to put it back in for you.”

Woman: “I’ll never find it. It fell out a week ago!”

Me: *bangs head on wall*

This story is part of the World Sight Day roundup!

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