Me: “Hello there. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am!”

Me: “How about a phone number for our perks program?”

Customer: “Of course!” *rattles off phone number*

Me: “All right, and is that under [Customer]?”

Customer: “Sure is! But could you maybe change it?”

Me: “Sure, what do you want me to change it to?”

Customer: “BamBam! It’s my stripper name!”

Me: “Uh… what…”

Customer: “I’m totally joking!”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, I was really confused for a minute!”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s not even my stripper name.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “What?”

(I work in a small comic book shop that is on a street that has metered street parking. I am doing my usual daily routine and a car parks outside of the store. Time passes and the meter officer comes around and sees that their meter is expired, waits a moment, and then proceeds to write them a ticket. These are all normal things that happen in this area because people either run out of time or don’t put money in it at all, so I think nothing of it. Then the family comes back, puts their child in the back seat, and then sees their ticket. I look up because the lady is now freaking out at her husband about how they got a ticket. They enter my store.)

Female Customer: “Why did you guys give me a ticket?! I paid!”

(I stare at her for a moment in pure confusion.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t have anything to do with the tickets.”

Female Customer: “We parked right outside your store and had paid the meter behind us! We paid! Take back the ticket!”

Male Customer: “We just made a mistake and paid the wrong meter; there must be something you can do.”

(I’m still massively bewildered that they are coming to me. The woman is angry and yelling at me while the man tries to nicely ask for help.)

Me: “Um… That sucks, but I have nothing to do with the ticket or giving tickets or anything with parking. I just work at this store.”

Female Customer: “Yes! So, you can get rid of the ticket! We were outside your store!”

Me: “I don’t control the parking outside of my store; you’d have to call the number on the meter to try to get help or fight against your ticket.”

Female Customer: “What?! Why do I have to call someone! You’re right here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I seriously have nothing to do with any of the meters or ticketing. I just work at this shop…”

Male Customer: “So, you can’t help us?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but there’s a number on the meter.”

Female Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! JUST ‘CAUSE WE PAID THE WRONG METER, I NOW HAVE A TICKET THAT I HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY FOR, AND YOU CAN’T EVEN HELP US OUT?”

Me: “No.”

(Then, in the angriest huff I think she could manage, she pulled her husband out and started yelling more outside my store about how I was no help at all and that this area is ridiculous with our ticketing laws. Then, they drove off after almost hitting an oncoming car. Sometimes, I don’t understand how people don’t understand.)

(I work for a municipality answering the information line. I pick up the phone and give the standard phone greeting for our city.)

Older Woman: “I need the phone number for [Garbage Pickup Company]!”

Me: “Well, that company doesn’t sound familiar; they don’t pick up garbage for us.”

Older Woman: “NO! I live in [Small Town about half an hour away] and they didn’t pick up my garbage! I need their phone number!”

Me: “Okay, we only look after garbage pickup in [City], but let me look up the number for you.” *starts typing*

Older Woman: “HELLO?”

Me: “Yes, I am just looking the number up. It’s 35—“

Older Woman: “NO! That’s long distance; I need a local number!”

Me: “Well, that is the only number listed for them.”

Older Woman: “THAT WON’T WORK! GIVE ME A LOCAL NUMBER!”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any other phone numbers for them.”

Older Woman: “Well, then, give me the number for your local garbage company. They will have it!”

Me: “I am not sure that our local company will have a phone number for a company an hour away…”

Older Woman: “I SAID GIVE ME THE LOCAL COMPANY!”

Me: “All right, but I am not sure if they will be able to help you.”

Older Woman: “GOOD! Now was that so hard?”

Me: “No?” *thinking* “YES!”

(I work at a big chain grocery store. Normally, I collect carts from the parking lot, but today, they are short staffed and I am “blessed” with the task of bagging groceries.)

Me: “Paper or plastic?”

Customer: “I want the things that go upstairs in plastic and the things that go downstairs in paper.”

Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

(The scanned items start coming down the belt. I am waiting for the customer to tell me what goes where when they decide to look up and see me not working.)

Customer: “Get moving. I don’t have all day.”

Me: “I need you to tell me which goes in each bag.”

Customer: “I have been coming here for years!”

Me: *confused* “And we appreciate your business.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to tell you people this every time I come in here.”

Me: *trying to be polite* “Well, I normally work outside and—“

Customer: *interrupts* “I don’t want excuses. JUST BAG MY GROCERIES!”

(I think the customer wants normal bagging now, so I start putting items into bags. The customer gets mad when they have to tell each time I put something in the wrong bag. After many insults, and screaming towards the end, they leave and the cashier grins at me.)

Cashier: “Well, you had to meet [Customer] sooner or later.”

Me: “They always like that?”

Cashier: “This was a good day. Smash the bread next time if you want to see a show. But be careful; [Manager] got pelted with a can of cat food once.”

(I found out that everyone knew [Customer] and had a similar story of yelling and thrown groceries. Cashiers would close lanes and baggers would take restroom breaks to avoid the customer.)

(I work for a cleaning service. We get a new client and I’m assigned to clean the house. It’s a gorgeous spring day, so I open all the doors and windows as I’m cleaning and the scent of the garden comes in: lots of jasmine and daphne, as well as many other fragrant flowers. By the time I’m finished, the place smells divine. The client arrives back with several shopping bags just as I’m finishing.)

Client: “Oh, the house looks lovely. But why are all the windows and doors open?”

Me: “Just to give it a good airing out; I’m about to close them.”

Client: “Oh, yes? What’s that smell?”

(I’m nonplussed; has she literally never stopped to smell the flowers in her own garden?)

Me: “That’s the scent of all your lovely jasmine just under these windows here. Glorious, isn’t it?”

Client: “Oh, I don’t like that. Close the windows and use this, instead!”

(She pulled from her shopping bag a can of air freshener… jasmine scented.)