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If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Solar System

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2009

(This exchange happened while I was taking tickets at the entrance to the park.)

Customer: “You have a very serious problem with your lines.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, what was the problem?”

Customer: “I have been standing out here for twenty minutes in the sun waiting to get into the park. You need to do something about that sun… turn it down or something.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m very sorry you were uncomfortable, but I really have no control over the sun.”

Customer: “You can’t just turn it down? Who can I talk to around here to get something done about this?”

Me: “You can go talk to Human Resources, ma’am… but I really don’t think they’ll be able to control the sun either.”

Customer: *storms off*

Customer #2: *walking up* “So… what’s it like controlling the weather?”


This story is part of our Roller-Coasters roundup!

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Driving Miss Crazy

, , , | Right | April 13, 2009

(I was coming home on the bus and overheard a conversation between an elderly lady and the bus driver.)

Lady: “Oof! Do you mind?! You’re so awful!”

Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

Lady: “You keep starting and stopping the bus! I keep falling forward and backward, and it’s taking so long for me to get home. It’s getting dark!”

Bus Driver: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to stop at the designated stops.”

Lady: “Stop making excuses! There’s no reason to be doing this. Just ignore the stops!”

Bus Driver: “So you want me to ignore all the other people wanting to get on the bus?”

Lady: “Well, yes! Finally you understand! You can go back afterwards and get them! Is it so much to ask for good help anymore?!”

Extreme Primate Refereeing

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2009

(I work at a snack cart across from the gorilla enclosure. A woman walks up to me and this conversation ensued.)

Customer: “Look! Look! The gorillas are fighting!”

Me: “No, they just rough-house like that about this time every day.”

Customer: “No, that’s fighting. Someone’s going to get hurt.”

Me: “Ma’am, seriously, that’s how they play.”

Customer: “That’s a fight! Stop them! Right now! It’s a bad example for the children.”

Me: “Stop them… how?”

Customer: “Get in there and make them cut it out right now!”

Me: *staring at her while other customers in line laugh*

Customer: *stomping off* “I’m telling your boss you won’t stop that violence!”

Next Customer In Line: “So you’re in charge of gorillas AND churros, huh?”


This story is part of the second Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!

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Healthy Without The Hassle

, , , | Right | April 10, 2009

Me: “Would you like any soup or salad?”

Customer: “Yes, a garden salad, please.”

Me: “All right, would you like any dressing?”

Customer: “Ranch. Oh, and can you make sure that the garden salad doesn’t have any vegetables?”

Me: “No vegetables?”

Customer: “Yes. No vegetables at all. No tomatoes, no lettuce, no carrots, no vegetables!”

Me: “But ma’am, if you order a no-vegetable garden salad, then all you’ll have is the dressing.”

Customer: “…garden salads are vegetable salads?”

H2O: The Dampening

, , , , , | Right | April 8, 2009

(Per our closing procedures, I have to mop the edges of the aisles every night before we close.)

Customer: “You know, it’s very wet.”

Me: “Yes, that is a common characteristic of water.”

Customer: “Well, isn’t there anything you can do about it?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, there are caution signs all around the store to tell you it might be slippery.”

Customer: “But can’t you do something to make the water less wet?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’ve run out of our dry water, and only have the wet kind left.”

Customer: “Well, you should order more.”


This story is part of our Water roundup!

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