When Lack Of Register DOES Register

, , , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(I am the customer in this story. I am shopping at a smaller electronics store in a local mall. It is early afternoon so I am the only one in the whole store. I am buying a couple movies for my dad and a CD for my sister. After I hand over my card and the cashier swipes it the whole system freezes.)

Cashier: “God d*** AGAIN! This has already happened twice today. I am so sorry for the inconvenience but the computer froze and now I have to get the manager to reboot the system. It’s probably going to take a couple minutes though.”

Me: “Oh, that’s fine. I don’t mind waiting.”

Cashier: *fetches manager and starts rebooting computer* “Again I am very sorry.”

Manager: “I wish this could go faster but this is the only register we have open and this is probably going to take about 10 minutes to reboot.”

Me: “Guys, I really don’t mind. You don’t have to be sorry. I have been working retail for three years and our register needs to be rebooted at least twice a day. I’m at the mall at one pm on a Tuesday. If I had anything better to do I would be doing it. I’m gonna go poke around in the clearance bin. Holler when the system is up again.”

Cashier: *with a huge smile* “Will do!”

(After poking around in clearance and picking out two additional movies, they call me over.)

Manager: “Just coupon out her two clearance movies. Thank you so much for your patience!”

Cashier: “And for not yelling at us!”

The World Stops To Help A Little Old Lady

, , , | Hopeless | June 1, 2017

To give a little background: at the county seat, the buildings housing several human service agencies are on one side of the main street. The courthouse, the health department, and the government center with all the county services are on the other side. The street is four lanes wide, very busy, and the nearest traffic light is three blocks away. People either walk down to the light and back up again, or take their chances with the pedestrian crosswalk that the city installed between the two campuses.

One morning I am just getting out of my car when I see a rather frail, elderly woman on the other side of the street by the human services buildings. This is the rural Midwest, and people are usually pretty polite, but she hesitates to step out into traffic and no wonder, as cars whip past.

Before I can do anything, a teenager in a fast food uniform comes out of the courthouse parking garage and runs across the street. He offers her his arm, holds up his hand to stop traffic, and escorts her over to the other side.

Kudos to him, and kudos to the drivers who stopped and patiently let a little old lady walk veeerrryyy slowly across four lanes of traffic during morning rush hour without anyone honking their horn or cursing.

Crazy, Practical, Love

, , , , | Romantic | June 1, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are getting ready to go to a convention. We’re cosplaying as a couple of ‘Bioshock’ Splicers, creepy creatures in ripped-up 50s formal wear, and we’re getting ready to leave when I remember something.)

Me: “Oooh, hang on.”

(I pull on a pair of shorts I made from cut-down leggings. They go down to about mid-thigh, but you can’t see them under my dress.)

Boyfriend: “What are those for?”

Me: “To keep my thighs from rubbing together. I don’t want to get halfway through the con and then be whining about chafing and how uncomfortable I am; I want to be able to go late!”

(He gets kind of a funny look, and I immediately get nervous. A couple of my exes had criticized me for only wearing sports bras and not being more feminine, and wearing shorts under a dress isn’t exactly sexy. To my surprise though, he draws me into a deep kiss.)

Boyfriend: “God, I love how practical you are. Let’s put our fake blood on, and go rock this con!”

(We did end staying at the rave and the all-night arcade until almost four am, and we had a blast!)

We’re Closing Down For You

, , , | Right | May 29, 2017

(I work in a retail portrait studio. Due to circumstances that actually have nothing to do with my company, our location is permanently closing. Until then, it’s business as usual. My associate, who by the way is the sweetest girl on the planet and receives more customer compliments than the rest of us combined, is working alone. The phone rings while she is busy.)

Associate: “Thank you for calling [Studio]. Can you please hold?”

(She places the line on hold for no more than one minute as she finishes helping a customer. When she returns, the caller has hung up. She then receives two calls in a row and has to let one go to voicemail.)

Customer: *on voicemail* “I understand why you’re closing if you treat all your customers the way you just treated me. I called a minute ago and a snippy little girl said ‘can you hold please?’ and hung up— er, put me on hold! That is not a way to treat customers. It is a way to turn them off! I wanted to give you my business but now I’m glad you’re closing. I hope you all lose your jobs!”

(We dodged a bullet, having to deal with that level of entitlement. But the joke is on her. We’re all being transferred to another location — and getting raises.)

The Wedding Vow Of Mordor

, , , , , | Romantic | May 29, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are at the wedding of a couple we’re good friends with. It’s worth noting that all four of us are huge nerds, and the couple have vowed to have the geekiest wedding ever. While we’re waiting for the ceremony to start, Boyfriend is reading through the program.)

Boyfriend: “Procession, vows… wait, ring warming? What’s that?”

Me: “No idea. Passing the wedding rings through the flame of a unity candle or something?”

Boyfriend: “What, to reveal the Elvish inscription and determine if you accidentally chose an evil, cursed wedding band to rule them all?”

Me: *laughing* “Well, with [bride and groom], it’s totally a possibility…”

(The ring warming actually turned out to be passing the rings among the guests and asking everyone to add their warm thoughts and good wishes to the wedding bands. It was a very cute tradition, and an impressively nerdy ceremony, but alas, no dark rings of power!)

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