A Sloppy Copy Memory

, , , , , , | Right | January 12, 2019

(I am the supervisor of the print center in my store but we do not have a separate phone number, so anyone calling in reaches the cashier who then lets me know I have a call. The cashier tells me over the radio that a customer is on the line for me and is already irate. She informs me she couldn’t really get a word in over him screaming at her.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *basically screaming into the phone* “I was in your store a few days ago and had about ten black and white copies done. I just checked my credit card statement and it says you charged me over $60 for them. How can the cost so f****** much or are you just r******d?”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Sir, I apologize if there was a mistake on the transaction. If possible, could you come back into the store so I can look up the receipt with your card and see what happened?”

Customer: *now even angrier* “You mean I have to come back to the store just to get this fixed?”

(The customer then begins to rant about calling his attorney and disputing the charge with his card’s company but I finally convince him it would be best for him to just come in and for me to look and see if the total was correct or if he needs a refund. A few hours later a man comes in obviously pissed off and I assume this is who I have been waiting for.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I do for you?”

Customer: *handing me his card* “Just make it quick will you; I have things to do!”

Me: “It won’t be more than a minute, sir.”

(I take his card and punch it into the system and find his receipt and sure enough he got a very small number of copies but his total over $60. I then look at the next line to see “Cashback $50”)

Me: “Sir, it appears you were charged correctly for the copies…”

Customer: *his facing getting very red* “BUT–”

Me: *I cut him off* “—and you also got $50 cash back, which brought your total to over $60.”

(He then ripped the card from my hand and walked out of the store without so much as a sorry. Part of me wishes that the reason he left so fast was because he was so embarrassed but something tells me he just really felt an apology wasn’t needed.)

Needs To Reorient Their Detective Skills

, , , , , , , | Friendly Legal Romantic | January 10, 2019

(My cousin is a very masculine, straight-acting police officer. The following exchange takes place in his precinct.)

Officer: “God, my wife is driving me nuts. Women, huh? Doesn’t your wife just make you crazy sometimes?”

Cousin: “I don’t have a wife.”

Officer: “Ah, sorry, I saw the ring. Divorced, huh?”

Cousin: “No.”

Officer: “Oh. Widowed?”

Cousin: “No, I’m definitely still married.”

Officer: *now very confused* “So, you do have a wife?”

Cousin: *starting to snicker at the routine* “No.”

Officer: *as several other cops within earshot also start to crack up* “I don’t understand.”

Sergeant: *yelling in exasperation* “He’s married to a man and therefore has a husband! Jesus Christ, [Officer], how do you expect to make detective with those deductive reasoning skills?”

Officer: “Ohhhhh.”

And The Berenstein Bears Are The Berenstain Bears

, , , , , | Related | January 8, 2019

(My family is traveling for the holidays, and we are staying in a hotel. One night there isn’t much on TV, so my two sons — 18 and 16 — get into a discussion about “Thomas the Tank Engine” for some reason. They both loved Thomas videos as young children, and they are inspired to look one up on YouTube. If you have ever watched “Thomas the Tank Engine,” especially the older ones from the late 90s and early 2000s, you know that the eyes on the engines move, but their mouths are not animated.)

Son #2: “Were all of these narrated?”

Me: “Um, yeah.”

Son #2: “Their mouths don’t move! Just the eyes!”

Me: “That was always the case, honey.”

Son #2: “No, that’s not right. Some of them had moving mouths, didn’t they?”

Son #1: “Dude, their mouths never moved. They were like a model railroad with a voiceover.”

Son #2: *frowning* “My childhood was a lie!”

(Even at sixteen, he’s still pretty cute sometimes.)

Washing Away the Generation Gap

, , , , , | Right | January 3, 2019

I’m in a theater’s restroom, about to wash my hands. A movie has just ended, so the restroom is packed and loud with guys talking, water running, toilets flushing, paper towel dispensers whirring, and hand dryers going off. It’s almost chaos with how busy it is.

There’s a man, probably in his seventies, two sinks to my right. He already has soap in his hands as he side-steps to the sink next to me.

I start washing my hands, and I see the gentleman stick his hands under the water nozzle, but nothing happens. I notice he looks at the sink I’m using, and seems frustrated also seeing the sink to the right — the one he just walked away from — now working.

He shoves his hands under the water nozzle once more, but the water still won’t come out.

I wait a few beats for him to figure it out, as I don’t want to make him feel foolish.

Then, without a word, I reach my hand over and turn the large handle for the water on.

The man immediately guffaws and, blushing furiously, says, “I can’t believe it! I’m so used to those automatic sinks!”

We both have a good laugh, especially when he points out that he’ll use the paper towels instead of automatic hand dryers!

Holy S*** Snacks Batman!

, , , , , | Related | January 3, 2019

(I’m riding in the car with my dad, who is in no way, shape, or form a “nerd.”)

Me: “Ha! Look at that car’s license plate: ‘COWBNGA’! That’s awesome!

Dad: “‘Cowabunga’? What’s that?”

Me: “Don’t you remember? That’s what the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles used to say!”

Dad: “Oh, right, didn’t Robin used to say that, too?”

Me: “Er, you mean the sidekick from Batman? No, he didn’t.”

Dad: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Definitely. The 60s one used to say things like, ‘Holy Swiss Cheeses, Batman!’”

Dad: “Oh, right, and he used to say, ‘Holy s***!’ all the time!”

Me: “Um, no. No, Dad, no.”

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