(At the store where I work, the managers and cashiers get walkie-talkies, as does the employee manning the fitting room. On this particular day, said employee happens to be me. Because the fitting room is off to the side, I cannot see what’s going on up front.)

Cashier: “IT’S EVERYWHERE! [Manager], permission to wash hands?”

Manager: “Granted.”

(The cashier bolts to the restroom, which is next to the fitting room, and I don’t see her for a good five minutes. Finally she emerges.)

Me: “What happened?”

Cashier: “A customer tried to switch price tags… using chewed-up gum.”

Me: “That will be $2.50, sir.”

Customer: “This should cover it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t pay with a copies of a dollar bill. They’re not even in color.”

(For several months, my wife and I have been fighting with a well-known cable TV provider over our bill. They have been attempting to raise our prices every month and every month my wife will call in to dispute it, and every month, they apply just enough credit to not make switching worth the effort. The last increase is almost a $30 jump and needless to say, we’re both pretty fed up. Then this happens when she calls in:)

Wife: “Look, this is the fifth time I’ve called about our monthly cost. Our bill has just jumped from $90 to $120 for no reason. Nothing has changed in the programming, equipment, nothing. There has to be something you can do about this. It’s ridiculous!”

Rep: “Okay. Let’s see what we can do. If I apply [Credit #1] and [Credit #2] and [Deal] and [Promo], I can get your price down to $130 a month.”

Wife: “What? Did you say $130?”

Rep: “I’m sorry. That’s the best I can do right now.”

Wife: “That’s $10 more than the bill I’m calling to complain about!”

Rep: “Well, another price increase just went into effect since the last bill, and I don’t have any other promotions I can apply to your account.”

Wife: “So what you’re telling me is that my bill is going to increase again next month regardless of what you do now.”

Rep: “Yes. Have I provided you with excellent service today?”

Wife: “No!”

(Needless to say, later that day we called a competitor, scheduled installation with them, and cancelled our account with the existing provider.)

(I’m at my primary physician’s office, waiting for my annual checkup.)

Nurse: “Let’s get some basic measurements before you see the doctor!”

Me: Okay!

(All goes well until…)

Nurse: “Now, do you remember approximately how much you weigh?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “If you don’t remember or don’t know, we can weigh you!”

(Isn’t accuracy or making sure I don’t lie the whole point of taking these measurements AT the doctor’s office?)

(It’s a remarkably slow Thursday at our store. I’m working the counter when a kid and his dad walk in. His dad doesn’t speak great English, and he doesn’t know exactly what his kid wants, but he knows he doesn’t want to spend TOO much!)

Kid: “Hi, I’m looking for [Product]? Do you have it?”

Me: “Of course! It’s right over here.”

Kid: “Dad! I told you they had them! How much?”

Me: “Well, because this is a booster box, it’s going to be [price over a hundred dollars].”

Kid: “Dad, where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket*

Dad: “Hold on, hold on; it’s over a hundred? Really? What’s in this box? I don’t know.”

Kid: “Never mind. Where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket; his dad waves him off*

(Because the box is smaller than a lot of our other boxes of the same product, it looks like you’re getting less. The thing is, the bigger boxes have less — they just have other stuff in them. For instance, a booster box has thirty-six booster packs of cards, but it’s all contained in a small box; a bundle/elite trainer box is a bigger box, but it only has eight to ten booster packs of cards, a card box, and some other things, but the box containing it all is so much bigge r it looks like you’re getting more. I explain this to the dad, and show him the difference between the products. Yes, the bundle/elite trainer boxes are cheaper by a VERY large amount.)

Me: “So this is a booster. It has ten cards. This is a booster box, it has 36 boosters. This is an Elite Trainer box. It only has eight booster packs, a card box, some dice, and sleeves for the cards to keep them safer if your son is playing the game.”

Dad: “Ugh, I’m too old for this!” *to his son* “Are you sure you don’t want the Elite Trainer box? It’s only [price]!”

Kid: “No, Dad, I want a booster box! I already have the Elite Trainer box! Where’s your wallet?” *goes for his dad’s pocket again; his dad waves him off again*

Dad: “But what’s the difference again? I’m too old for this.”

(I patiently explain it again. The kid is getting annoyed. Please note, I’m not getting frustrated at all. I actually find it kind of funny when the kids just tell their parents to get something, especially when the parents don’t speak English very well. I’m trying to help the parent but I’m also trying to play devil’s advocate.)

Me: “If you weren’t looking for the entire box, you could always get packs. The thing is, the booster box is the cheapest way to get a lot of packs; they go down to about $3 apiece.”

Dad: “Hmm… I think I’m just too old for this… What is this again?”

Kid: “Where’s your wallet!” *goes for his dad’s pocket AGAIN*

Me: “Okay, okay, look. Hon, put your hands up here on the counter.” *Kid does so* “Now you’ve got to promise me: you’re going to do your chores. You’re going to make your bed. You’re going to eat ALL your vegetables. For the NEXT. WEEK. You got that? And THEN you can MAYBE buy the box, IF your dad lets you! AND you’re going to explain this ENTIRE GAME to your dad. You got that?”

(The dad is cracking up and the kid just looks frustrated. It’s adorable.)

Dad: “How much was it again?”

Me: “It’s [price over a hundred dollars].”

Dad: “All right, we’ll get the booster box.”