(My two friends and I are high school Girl Scouts, and we are selling cookies outside of a store.)
Me: “Hi, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?”
Customer: “Sure… I’ll have—”
Random Lady: *walking out of the store* “YOU GUYS RUINED MY DIET!”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
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(My mom is a nurse practitioner at a health clinic primarily for homeless people. Naturally she has some interesting exchanges with her patients. Her favorite one to tell is about a patient who had come in for the first time, and she was asking all the preliminary questions.)
Mom: “Do you have any allergies?”
Patient: “I’m allergic to penicillin.”
Mom: “What sort of reaction do you have when you take it?”
Patient: “It makes me talk like Donald Duck.”
(After trying to hold in laughter, my mom had to explain to him that while his “reaction” was more of a mild mutation, it was not considered a harmful allergy. It’s her favorite story to tell next to the woman who referred to the lice on her head as “movable dandruff.”)
(We get requests from companies requesting medical charts. We charge a fee to print and mail them. Charts are only mailed after receiving payment.)
Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from [Company] regarding the 25 chart review.”
Me: “Yes?”
Caller: “I was just wondering if you received the check yet?”
Me: *thinking maybe it came in today’s mail, which we hadn’t gotten yet* “When did you mail it?”
Caller: “Today.”
Me: “…then, no. We didn’t get it yet.”
(It’s been a long day with difficult customers. A customer that I’ve never seen before walks up to my window and slaps some cash down on the counter.)
Customer: “Put this in my account.”
Me: “Sure thing. What’s your name?”
Customer: “And I want my balance.”
Me: “Absolutely. What’s your name?”
Customer: “I think there’s $200 here.”
Me: “Okay, what’s your account number?”
Customer: “I don’t know that.”
Me: “No problem. What’s your name?“
Customer: “You don’t know me?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry.”
Customer: “But I come in here all the time! Why should I give you my name?”
(The following flies out of my mouth before I can stop myself…)
Me: “Or I could just put this $200 in my account…”
Customer: “[Customer]! It’s [Customer]!”
Me: “Thank you! Here’s your receipt, with your balance. Have a great evening!”
(I didn’t get in trouble. My supervisor was laughing too hard to do anything.)
(We have this substitute who comes in for any teacher who is sick, and she has an extremely strict no-food policy. If you are caught eating, she calls you out with a typical “Do you have enough for everyone?” and if you don’t, she throws your food out. One girl in our class is diabetic and needs to eat to keep her blood sugar up. We all know this, but the sub apparently missed the memo.)
Classmate: *pulls out bag of cereal*
Substitute Teacher: “And so we learned that— excuse me! Are you eating in my class?”
(The room goes dead silent.)
Classmate: “I… I… Um.”
Substitute Teacher: “Do you have enough for the entire class? You know my policy!”
Classmate: “But I’m diabetic.”
Substitute Teacher: *goes quiet* “Well… t-that’s still no excuse!”
(She then confiscated the diabetic kid’s food anyway. She was later fired.)
