Has More Than A Few Issues

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2010

(A customer walks in with five magazines under her arm.)

Customer: “Hi, how much does it cost to laminate one A4 page?”

Me: “That’ll be $0.10.”

Customer: “Great and um, about how many pages are in a magazine?”

Me: “I’d say about 100.”

Customer: “Great, so 100 multiplied by five is 500 hundred right?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So 500 multiplied by $0.10 would be $50.00 right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yeah. So, can you, like, laminate each page in the magazine?”

Me: “Why would you want to do that?”

Customer: “So I can read them in the bath.”

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Not So Mellow Jello

, , , , | Right | July 23, 2010

Me: “That will be [price] for three packs of Jello. Will there be anything else for you today?”

Customer: “No. No, thank you. My granddaughter is turning 21!”

Me: “How nice! Are these for her party?”

Customer: “She is having a party tonight and asked me to buy her Jello so she could have Jello shots. I’m so glad she is not drinking and instead just having Jello. I must have raised her right!”

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Best Quote An Alternator Price

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Auto Parts]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need an alternator for my vehicle.”

(I look up his car and the alternator.)

Me: “Okay, the one we have in stock is $79.99.”

Caller: “$49.99?”

Me: “No, sir, $79.99.”

Caller: “$49.99?”

Me: “$79.99.”

Caller: “Hey, you said $79.99!”

Me: “Indeed I did, sir!”

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It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days

, , , , , , | Right | July 7, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Electronics Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

Customer: “I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

(I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

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Nature Abhors A Vacuum-Head

, , , , , , | Right | July 3, 2010

(I overhear this conversation between two girls who look to be around fourteen or fifteen, lining up for an exhibit.)

Girl #1: “Those flowers are pretty.”

Girl #2: *while texting* “Yeah, I guess.”

Girl #1: “Oh, my god! Don’t move! There’s a fly on you!”

Girl #2: *in a horrified voice* “N-N-Nature!”


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