(There’s a guy in my high school theater department who isn’t necessarily a bad guy, but he just doesn’t realize when he’s being annoying instead of funny and can’t let a bad joke die. His favorite joke recently is to ask people for a song title and then shout, “In my pants!” For example…)

Guy: “Hey, [Girl], what’s your favorite song?”

Girl: “Oooh, Defying Gravity!“

Guy: “In my pants!”

Girl: “Ewww.”

(As you can imagine, this gets old quickly, and he keeps it up for almost a month before I get an idea.)

Guy: “Hey, [My Name], what’s the last song you listened to?”

Me: “Can’t Get It Up if the Girl’s Breathing.”

Guy: “In my… Oh. Wait. Ewwww. That’s not a real song!”

Me: “Yeah, it is, it’s from Repo! The Genetic Opera.”

(The whole group has recently seen this musical.)

Guy: “That totally wasn’t in the movie!”

(I am prepared for this, so I pull out my iPod and show him the song, halfway down the show’s soundtrack.)

Me: “It was cut from the final movie, but they included it on the soundtrack as a bonus. Have fun with those mental images!”

(He stopped doing it after that!)

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I am taking my four-year-old to the hospital as he has a high fever and seems to be in some respiratory distress. It’s not an ambulance case, but I still don’t want to waste any time. I find that I don’t remember the hospital’s location quite as well as I thought, so I pull into the parking lot of the nearest store, a hardware store, pulling right up to the door to run in and ask for directions. I notice a lady in the passenger seat of a parked car, so close to me that we’re looking at each other, so I decide to ask her.

I don’t tap on the window, but make a tentative gesture toward her, mouthing, “Can I talk to you?” and making a “talk” gesture with my hand. Her expression goes a little colder and she looks back down at whatever she’s reading.

I run into the store and ask the cashier, who gives me directions right away as several customers stare with interest. I run right back out and get in the car again. I wouldn’t have given the lady another thought, but I notice her watching me as I get back into my car, looking smug.

I shout, not looking at her as I close my door, “I wanted directions to the hospital!”

Turned out my kid is all right, and everyone is great. Except the lady who was all pleased with herself for not helping a stranger with a sick kid whom she could see through the window.

(A woman comes to the front desk with an adult toy.)

Customer: “Can I try this out before I buy it?”

(I am a supervisor with 20 employees under my charge. We handle cellular service billing questions. When the situation arises, I take their escalated calls. This particular customer needs a credit for some overage charges, and by policy doesn’t rate a credit.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name] and I’m a supervisor for [Company].”

Customer: “Yeah, I need my overages credited this instant. I never used this much data before, and I need it credited.”

(The customer has a significant amount of overage that is more than I make every two weeks.)

Me: “I will gladly take a look at the account and see what’s causing the overage.”

Customer: “Yeah, you better! I’m not paying for this!”

Me: “Sir, I can definitely understand the frustration. If you just give me a second…”

(I bring up the customer’s account, look over every detail, and notice he has his phone set as a mobile hotspot, meaning he is using his phone as a Wi-Fi router.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I notice you have your hotspot turned on.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. I know it’s protected; no one is stealing my data. Just tell me why I’m going over and credit it.”

Me: “I can not credit it unless it’s a malfunction with the phone or feature. I’d like to ask a couple of questions.”

(The customer at this point is sighing, and I see that his data usage is rising.)

Customer: “FINE! Ask all the f****** questions you need!”

Me: “What do you use your hotspot for?”

Customer: “Xbox. I use it to play games online. What else should I use it for?”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Customer: “I use it to game online, and Netflix.”

Me: “So, I found the problem. You’re using it for Xbox, which will eat up the data like PacMan eats pellets, and because of that, I will not credit the overage.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T CREDIT THE OVERAGE?! HOW THE F*** AM I GOING TO PAY FOR THIS?! FINE! I WON’T PAY MY BILL!”

Me: “Well, then, sir, it will go into collections, and ruin your credit.”

Customer: “I DON’T F****** CARE! I’M RICH! DO YOU HEAR ME?!”

Me: “Then you shouldn’t have a problem paying it.”

Customer: “I NEED TO FIX THIS! WHO CAN FIX THIS AND GIVE ME MY CREDIT?!”

(At this point I’m getting really annoyed at the customer, and just want the call to end.)

Me: “Microsoft.”

(At this point the customer knew they weren’t getting the credit and hung up the phone.)

(My first week on my first job at an amusement park when I am 16, a customer comes up to me with the following:)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where [Theater] is?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I do not.”

Customer: “How could you not know where this theater is?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is my first week.”

Customer: “Maybe you should learn the park you work in.”

Me: “Well, I am sorry, sir, but maybe if I had a park map in my front pocket, I could help you out.”

(The customer looked down at his park map in his pocket and stormed off.)