Alligator Caught You Later

, , , , , , | Learning | January 1, 2018

(My neurobiology class is going over autonomic nervous system regulation. It’s late in the day, and everyone’s starting to drift a little bit as the professor explains the different homeostatic mechanisms and reflexes.)

Professor: “…and then we have the baroreflex, which is when an alligator clamps its prey in its jaws and does a barrel roll, and it turns out humans are wired for this, too!”

(He looks around at the class, which is now wide awake, and grins.)

Professor: “…which is totally not true at all. But now that I have your full attention…”

(I’ve taken three classes with him, and I’ll take as many more as he teaches. Gotta love a professor with a sense of humor!)

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That’s Now You Start A New Year!

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2018

(This was about ten years ago on New Year’s Day. It is my then-boyfriend’s birthday and I am out with his family for dinner at a well-known Chicago-style pizza place. We have ordered three pizzas and are talking while waiting for our food, when our waitress comes walking towards our table with a tray of food. The waitress trips and drops the whole tray of food on the table next to ours.)

Waitress: “F***.” *leaves the food and tray where it is and storms out*

Boyfriend’s Mom: “Was that our food?”

Me: “Do you think she’s coming back?”

(After a few minutes, another man comes out.)

Manager #1: “Hi, folks, I’m sorry to tell you that was your food. I’m the manager; your waitress has walked out. If you would tell me what you ordered, I’ll re-order it for you. It’ll be on us.”

(We reorder all our food and a few salads in the meantime. We are waiting and talking for about five minutes when another employee comes up to us.)

Manager #2: “Good evening, folks. I’m so sorry about this. I’m the assistant manager. What was your order? I’ll go check on it.”

(We repeat everything we had just told the first manager, including the two salads that we’d recently ordered. We continue to talk for another ten minutes when a new waiter comes out with four salads.)

New Waiter: “Hello, I will be your waiter. Here are your salads. What pizzas did you order?”

Boyfriend’s Dad: “We only ordered two salads.” *he then repeats our pizza order*

New Waiter: “Oh, keep the salads. I will check on your pizza.”

(About twenty minutes later, NINE pizzas came out. They told us to keep them, and it was all on the house!)

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Unfiltered Story #102276

, , , | Unfiltered | January 1, 2018

(I am working at my local greeting card store. We sell a lot of holiday merchandise. A customer comes in, clearly in a rush, grabbing a tiny display Christmas tree and putting it on the counter. He pays with a debit card and is almost out the door when the receipt finishes printing.)

Me: “Sir, you need to sign for this.”

Customer: *turns around* “What?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but you need to sign this receipt.”

Customer: “But I paid with a debit card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s store policy that if you pay with anything other than cash, we have to have a signature.”

(At this point he comes back to the counter and scribbles his name.)

Customer: “This is honestly ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to sign for a debit card. You guys need to get with the 21st century.”

(And he all but throws his receipt at me before storming out. I share a look with my coworker who just shrugs.)

Coworker: “I thought you handled that well.”

An Open And Closed Case Of Awesome

, , , , | Working | December 29, 2017

(A friend and I are getting dinner at a popular fast food restaurant after a movie. As we are walking in…)

Worker: “I can’t believe this. What is it with the morning people that think they can do this? It’s all a mess!” *he notices me* “Sorry, what can I get for you?”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, yes, the morning people hate the evening people and the openers can’t stand the closers; it’s always the way of things! We get it!”

Worker: *stares at me for a second* “Worked here?”

Me: “Five years ago, yep.”

Worker: “Haha, nice. What can I get you?”

Me: *orders*

Worker: “I’ll have that right out.”

(As the tray gets filled up, I notice a discrepancy.)

Me: “Um, we paid for medium fries and drinks and these appear to be larges.”

Worker: “I know.”

Me: “Ah… Thanks!”

(We head over to the table and start eating. About halfway through our meal, the worker comes around again, this time with ice cream in a cup, with brownie crumbs spread over the top.)

Me: “Is this even on the menu?”

Worker: “Nope! Enjoy!”

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Needs A Badge Of Instructions

, , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(I have just checked an employee into the facility.)

Me: “Okay, to go to your safety presentation, you will use your badge on the reader by those double doors at the end of the lobby, pull them open, and go to your right, into the auditorium.”

Employee: “So, I have badge access to those doors?”

Me: “Yes. I verified that when I checked you in.”

Employee: “Great! See you later!”

(He walks to the doors, then stops. He looks at them, then back at me as if to say, “What do I do?” For the record, these doors also have signs stating to use your badge to get through.)

Me: “Use your badge on the reader.” *I point to the reader*

Employee: *looks at the doors, then the reader, then tugs the doors*

Me: “Use your badge!”

Employee: *comes back to me* “I don’t think I have access. Could you let me through?”

Me: “Sir, you have access. Just badge the reader before you try to open the door.”

Employee: *goes back to the doors, and tries to pull them open — without using his badge first, and looks back at me*

Me: “Use your badge!”

Employee: *badges door, but doesn’t pull on them, and looks at me*

(I gave up, pressed the button to let him through, and motioned to him to pull the doors. He still took a minute to figure it out.)

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