Has ID, Still No Idea

, , , , , , | Working | April 20, 2018

A few years ago, I had my name legally changed, only keeping my last name. Shortly after, I went to the liquor store. Since I’d only become legal the year before, the cashier did their duty and carded me. I presented my two pieces of ID, bought my beer, and went home.

Later, I was going through my wallet and realized I had accidentally put in my old medical card instead of my new one. So, I had presented two pieces of ID with two completely different names, and the cashier hadn’t batted an eye.

Related:
Has ID, Has An Idea

The Competition Can Keep Her

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2018

(I work at a dry cleaner located in the same mall as another. We are confused with them quite often, as their outside sign is much larger.)

Me: “Welcome to [Dry Cleaner]!”

(The customer hands me a ticket from a competitor.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, this is from [Competitor], which is at the other end of the—”

Customer: “NO! I know this is [Competitor]! I have been doing business with you for ten years!”

(I show her the many differences between the types of tickets used and explain I have been working here for twelve years.)

Customer: “You are a stupid idiot! How dare you call me a liar?!”

Me: *still trying to be patient* “Ma’am, we often get mistaken for [Competitor] because of their sign.”

Customer: *she starts pounding on counter* “You are dumb! I see you have tattoos; I bet you do drugs, too!”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you that your clothing is not here, and I am asking you to leave or I will call the police and have you removed.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(She stormed out and tried to slam the door. It was funny watching a person try to slam a door with a pneumatic door-closer.)

They’ve Mentally Checked Out

, , , | Right | April 20, 2018

(I work in a library.)

Patron: “Can I have [Book]?”

Me: “It’s checked out, sorry.”

Patron: “So, can I have it?”

Me: “No, it’s checked out.”

Patron: *confused stare*

Me: “Someone else got it, I’m afraid.”

Patron: “All of them?”

Me: “We only have one copy of this book.”

Patron: “So I’d like this copy, please.”

Me: “It’s checked out. Another person has it at the moment.”

Patron: “So, I can’t have it?”

Turkish (De)Lights

, , , , | Working | April 19, 2018

(I don’t smoke, but I’m heading over to the home of an adult friend who does. They ask me to pick up a couple packs of cigarettes on the way. They tell me exactly what type they want, but I unfortunately forget almost as soon as I hang up the phone. No matter; I know what the cigarettes LOOK like, and the brand, so I figure I won’t have any issues getting them.)

Me: “I’d like two packs of [Brand] 100s, long.”

Cashier: *picks up two packs of cigarettes in a red package*

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I meant the ones in the gold package.”

Cashier: “Lights?”

Me: “Uh… Sure?”

(The cashier picks up two packs that are blue instead of red.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry, the gold ones.”

(I point at the clearly visible gold ones, just under the red and blue. The cashier puts back the blue ones, and picks up the red ones again; he seems to be laughing at me not knowing what to call them.)

Me: “No, no, the gold ones, there.” *points again*

Cashier: “Oh, you mean the Turkish ones.” *finally picks up gold pack*

Paying Bills Is A Resident Evil

, , , , , | Working | April 18, 2018

(I apply to rent an apartment, only to realize a few hours later that I foolishly based my ability to pay rent on my total income rather than how much I have left after paying my bills, meaning the apartments are actually around two hundred dollars out of my price range. The complex’s website lacks any contact information aside from the application, and I have no intention of making a half-hour drive just to say “my bad,” but it’s such a minor issue that I figure I can just tell them what happened when they call, if they call me back at all. They do, and the following conversation takes place.)

Employee: “Hi, we’re calling to let you know that you’ve been approved as a potential resident. Can you come in for an interview on this date?”

Me: “Actually, I calculated my funds wrong, so I can’t afford your apartments after all. Sorry.”

Employee: “Okay. Are you still interested?”

Me: “No, I can’t afford it.”

Employee: “And why do you say that?”

Me: “Because I have other bills to pay.”

Employee: “I see. Would you care to come in for an interview, anyway?”

Me: *pause* “I would not. Thanks for calling.”

(I have to say I admired her persistence. Her performance, not so much.)

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