(I’m the bad customer in this story. I am ordering a sandwich at a popular sub shop, where they make your sandwich in front of you.)

Employee: “Lettuce, tomato?”

Me: *looking at the green peppers and onions* “No, just green peppers and lettuce.”

(She grabs lettuce.)

Me: “No! Just green peppers and lettuce.”

Employee: “Yep.” *starts spreading the lettuce on my sandwich*

Me: *confused and frustrated* “No, I don’t want lettuce!” *finally realize my mistake* “Sorry! I meant green peppers and onions only. I don’t know why I kept saying lettuce when I meant onion.”

Employee: *look of panic and swipes the lettuce off the sandwich* “Is this all right?” *referring to the tiny pieces of lettuce left behind*

Me: “Of course, it was my mistake. I’m the one that kept telling you lettuce.”

Employee: “I’ve had other customers do the exact same thing as you, but make me remake the whole sandwich.”

(A customer approaches me carrying an iPad in an expensive designer case, neither of which we sell.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I found this in a basket. I really like the case, but do I have to buy the computer, too? I just want the case.”

Me: *fighting off a head-desk moment* “Well, we don’t sell iPads or accessories for them. I think that belongs to another customer.

Customer: “Oh, so, should I leave it with you?”

Me: “Yes.”

(Later, I found the owner’s business cards inside the case, called her, and she came back literally in tears, she was so happy. She wanted to thank the person who “turned it in” and tried to buy it.)

(I work as a receptionist for a manufacturing company, so I handle all incoming calls.)

Me: “Good morning! [Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi! Is this [Company]?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Caller: “So, this is [Company]?”

Me: “Yep. This is [Company].”

Caller: “Oh. Just making sure I was calling [Company].”

Me: “That’s us, all day, everyday.”

(This actually happens a lot throughout the day, believe it or not.)

(I work at a one-hour-turnaround personalised gifts store. It’s closing time and all the computers and lights are turned off, but the shutter is still open. A customer rushes in, anyway.)

Customer: “Are you closed?”

Me: “Yes, but we can take your order for tomorrow.”

Customer: “For tomorrow? But you do things in one hour!”

Related:

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 26

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 25

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 24

(I am waiting on a group of elderly people.)

Me: “Are we all decided on what we want to order?”

Customer #1: “Where’s the enchiladas on here?” *she waves the menu around*

Me: “We don’t have enchiladas.”

Customer #1: “Yes, you do!“

Me: “No, we have never sold enchiladas. Can I offer you something else?”

Customer #1: “Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid! Get me your manager!”

(I go and get my manager and explain the situation. He lets out a long sigh and approaches the table.)

Manager: “What’s the issue I can help you with, ma’am?”

Customer #1: “I WANT ENCHILADAS! YOUR RUDE WAITRESS LIED TO ME; I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM!”

Manager: “We don’t have enchiladas; we have never had enchiladas on our menu.”

Customer #1: “YES, YOU DO!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we sell burgers.”

Customer #1: “Stop lying!”

Customer #2: *in booth next to them* “You dumb b****, if you want Mexican food go to [Fast Food Place]. Leave these poor people alone. Not everyone should have to deal with your stupidity!”