It’s My Day Off So Truck Off

, , , , | Working | July 6, 2018

(I work at a fast food restaurant located in a large department store. We have a larger sister store across town with whom we share certain employees. We have a group of teenage boys who usually come over on delivery days to receive the order from the truck and stock everything in our stockroom and freezer. Today is a delivery day. One of the boys is off this day and has come in to order his lunch. I take his order and turn to make his drink when my boss comes around the corner.)

Boss: “[Boy]! What are you doing here? The truck is pulling in; I need you to get to the back.”

Boy: “Um, but why, though?”

Boss: “Because you’re just so special… Okay, enough joking around. Get to the back.”

Boy: “But why, though?”

Boss: “Because the truck is here!”

Boy: “But why do I have to go?”

Boss: “Because the truck is here and it needs to be unloaded.”

Boy: “Yeah, but why me?”

Boss: “Because! That’s what you’re bein’ paid to do! Now stop fooling around and get to the back. Take the keys and get going!”

Boy: “But… but why me?”

Boss: “Because…”

Me: “Hey, [Boy], your order is ready. Enjoy your day off.”

Boss: “Oh… You aren’t working today?”

Boy: “No! I’m just here for lunch.”

Boss: “Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry! Well, better let the rest of the staff know not to come to [Location] when [Boss] is working. He’ll put you right to work!”

(The other boys showed up right about then and we all had a good laugh. The boy got a free ice cream for his trouble.)

Got The Baby Blues

, , , , | Healthy | July 6, 2018

(A few years ago, my brother worked in a 999 call centre, and he told us about a conversation that went roughly like this.)

Woman: “I was bathing my baby and she turned blue.”

Brother: “Where is your baby now?”

Woman: “Up in the bath.”

Brother: “On her own?”

Woman: “Yes.”

You Can’t Candy-Coat This

, , , , , | Learning | July 6, 2018

(I’m subbing for a second-grade class and have just lined them up for recess.)

Me: “[Student], go put your coat on. It’s cold and windy out today.”

Student: “I can’t find it.”

Me: “Check your locker.”

Student: *opens locker* “It’s not here.”

Me: “Is it in your backpack?”

Student: “No. I looked.”

Me: “Is it at your desk?” *checks with her*

Student: “No.”

Me: “Were you wearing a coat when you came to school this morning?”

Student: “I don’t know.”

Me: *sighs* “Okay. Let’s just go outside, and if you get cold tell me.”

Student: “Okay.” *plays for a while then runs over to me* “I’m cold.”

Me: “Go inside and ask the nurse if she has a coat or sweater you can borrow.”

Student: “Okay.”

(She comes back out a few minutes later with a coat TIED AROUND HER WAIST, and plays like that for the rest of recess. Later, at dismissal time:)

Student: “Hey, I found my coat!”

Me: “Oh, good. Where was it?”

Student: “In my backpack.”

The State Of Our Business Is None Of Yours

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work at a major electronic retailer. After the holidays, we look at every four-foot section in the store, tear it apart, clean it, and redo it. It has taken us longer this year since corporate was unsure how they wanted it done. This occurs while one aisle is undergoing planogram changes.)

Customer: “Are you guys going out of business?!”

Me: “No? Why would you think that?”

Customer: *looks annoyed and gestures vaguely around store* “All of the empty shelves!”

Me: “Oh! Every year after the holidays we do planogram changes, so we move product and shelving around. I assure you, we are not going out of business.”

Customer: *snorts* “Yeah, sure.” *starts leaving with her son* “I think they’re going out of business.”

(Lady, we’re the only electronic retailer in the area; you’d better hope we’re not going out of business!)

Dissuaded With Surgical Precision

, , , , | Working | July 5, 2018

(I work in the office of a veterinary hospital. We get a lot of spam calls of random people trying to sell us stuff. Also, because we’re a vet clinic, I’m in the habit of letting them know the owner/vet has no time to talk to these spam calls because she is with clients or in surgery; sometimes I say this even if she isn’t. Usually, they at least understand this, because we’re a business and it’s what we do. One day I get a caller who apparently doesn’t catch what type of business we are.)

Me: *answering phone* “[My Name], vet hospital. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to speak to the owner, please.”

Me: “She’s in surgery right now; can I take a message?”

Caller: *pauses* “Oh! Oh, dear. Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry. I’ll call back another time; I hope she’s okay!” *hangs up*

(Best way to get rid of a spammer!)

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