So-duh

, , , , | Working | May 9, 2018

(My husband and I are ordering dinner. We know this restaurant only serves Pepsi products.)

Worker: “And what drink would you like with that meal?”

Me: “Diet Pepsi.”

Worker: “We don’t serve Coke products; is diet Pepsi okay?”

Me: “Um… Yes.”

A Verbal Disagreement

, , , , | Working | May 9, 2018

(My youngest daughter is autistic, and nonverbal. She’s over 18, but I have power of attorney. Because it gives her better coverage, she is on her father’s — my ex husband’s — insurance plan, which I am not on. Invariably, whenever I have to try to do anything with her insurance, I have some trouble, but this last time was the worst of all.)

Representative: “Hello. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I’m calling about policy [number] on behalf of my daughter, [Daughter], whose birthday is [date]. I’m [My Name], and if you look at her file, you’ll see I have power of attorney to handle her coverage.”

Representative: “I see. Are you the policy holder?”

Me: “No. My ex-husband is the policy holder, but I have power of attorney to handle my daughter’s policy, as well.”

Representative: “Hmm… Can your daughter confirm that with me? Just put her on the phone and have her give me her name and birthday.”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. If you look at the note on her file, I have power of attorney because she’s nonverbal. She is literally incapable of speaking with you.”

Representative: “Ma’am, if you’re not the policyholder, and you can’t get me her permission, I can’t help you.”

Me: “You already have permission in the form of power of attorney; it’s in her file. Are you looking at her file?”

Representative: “Ma’am, I can’t do anything for you or for her without her permission.”

Me: “She is not capable of giving it over the phone. She is nonverbal. That is why I went to a judge, and was granted a notarized power of attorney, which I then sent to your company to have filed with her records. You have access to that file; if you’ve entered in the information I’ve given you, you can see that. Do you need me to repeat any part of our information?”

Representative: “Ma’am, your daughter is a legal adult. I need her consent before I can speak to you.”

Me: “May I please speak to your supervisor?”

Representative: “Ma’am, you are attempting to access information about a policy that you have no right to. I have no obligation to continue this call.”

Me: “Will you listen to me—”

Representative: *hangs up*

Their Brain Is Offline

, , , , | Right | May 9, 2018

(I work in a home improvement store.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Where are your pools?”

Me: “I don’t think we carry pools in the store.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I saw them online.”

Me: “Yes, we have several, but they are indeed online.”

Customer: “So, where are they?”

Me: “They are online only.”

Customer: “But where are they in the store? I know you have them because I saw them online.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we only carry a few pool accessories in the store, like pool salt.”

Customer: “Oh, then would the pools be by the salt, then?”

Me: “No, all of our pools are online only.”

Customer: *to a different employee walking by* “Excuse me. Where are your pools?”

Vote By Rote

, , , , | Learning | May 8, 2018

(It’s fall of 2008. I’m a freshman in college. I’ve always been interested in politics, so I am so excited to register to vote. I even have buttons for my favorite candidate pinned on my messenger bag. There are volunteers all over the quad, trying to persuade everyone to register to vote. I’m walking to class when one approaches me. He’s wearing a t-shirt supporting the opposite candidate.)

Volunteer: “Hi! Do you have a few minutes to register to vote?”

Me: “Oh, I’m already registered. Thanks, though!”

Volunteer: “Are you sure? It’s very important!”

Me: “I told you; I’m already registered. Excuse me.”

(I step past him, and head to class. After I get out, I have to cross the quad again to get to my next class. Guess who I run into again?)

Volunteer: “Are you registered to vote?”

Me: “I talked to you earlier. Yes, I am. Please move.”

Volunteer: “But are you sure? It’s so important for our generation to vote! We can change things!”

(I pull my messenger bag with its political pins up to eye level. His eyes bug out and he gives me an evil look.)

Me: “See? Politically active and late for my next class. Now move.”

(The volunteers on the quad avoided me after that.)

Good Listening Skills Are Rare To Medium Rare

, , , , | Right | May 7, 2018

(While taking a food order for a really lovely table, one of them has trouble paying attention.)

Customer: “Can I get the rump steak?”

Me: “Of course! How would you like that cooked?”

Customer: “Oh, can I get it with chips?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. Not a problem. How do you like it cooked? Medium? Rare?”

Customer: “It comes with mushrooms? Can I get it without?”

Me: “Yes, definitely. No worries. How would you like your meat done?”

Customer: “And pepper sauce. Is that okay?”

Me: “Absolutely, not a problem. Now, how do you take your steak?”

Customer: *blank look*

(As I’m trying to find a different way of asking one of his friends chimed in:)

Friend: “[Customer]! For God’s sake! How the hell do you want your steak done? The lassie’s only asked you four times!”

(Cue laughter from the rest of the table and the poor chap getting teased, “Did you hear that, [Customer]?!” for the rest of the night!)

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