An A-mall-ing Lack Of Attention

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2018

(My house is right across the street from a strip mall which, while occasionally convenient, doesn’t have a grocery store. I’m waiting at a bus stop so I can go to a different mall, which does sell food, when a very nice taxi driver parks beside the bus stop.)

Taxi Driver: “Do you need a ride somewhere?”

Me: “Yes, thank you.”

(I get in the cab and this happens.)

Taxi Driver: “Where would you like to go?”

Me: “Not too far, just to [Mall across the street].”

Taxi Driver: “That’s right here; can’t you walk?”

Me: “Not that mall, I mean the one with [Grocery Store].”

Taxi Driver: “What mall is that?”

Me: “Well… um… It has [Restaurant exclusive to that mall].”

Taxi Driver: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “I’ll take the bus. Sorry about that.”

Taxi Driver: “That’s okay.”

(I got out of the cab. That’s when it occurred to me that I didn’t know the name of the mall where I had been buying my food for four years. I started paying more attention after that.)

Unable To Read Sign Language

, , , , | Right | April 6, 2018

(I am a customer. As I am walking into my local store, I notice a giant, hand-written sign on their door, all highlighted. Apparently, the card readers on their pumps are down, customers need to prepay inside, and they are sorry for the inconvenience. There are also notices on all the pumps. I am in line when I hear this exchange:)

Customer: *to cashier* “Are your pumps broken, or what?!”

Cashier: “No, sir. They just can’t take payments at the moment. I’ll be glad to prepay for your gas here.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. You really should put signs up, though.”

Me: *chortles to myself*

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Um, there’s a huge sign on the door saying that.”

Customer: “Nobody reads those! There should be signs on the pumps!”

Me: “Sir, I didn’t even buy gas and I noticed the signs on the pumps.”

Customer: “Shut up.” *followed by the evil-eye and silence*

(I don’t know how the staff can keep it together like they do and keep from slapping the stupid out of people.)

Graduated To The Final Announcement

, , , , , | Learning | April 6, 2018

(There are school-wide announcements a few times a year about paying student dues.)

Freshman Year: “Students who do not pay their dues cannot attend prom.”

Me: “Don’t care.”

Sophomore Year: “Students who do not pay their dues cannot attend prom.”

Me: “Whatever.”

Junior Year: “Students who do not pay their dues cannot attend prom.”

Me: “Pfft.”

Senior Year: *final announcement* “Students who do not pay their dues cannot graduate.”


(I wound up paying all four years of student dues at once. I have no idea why they hadn’t been saying graduation along with prom the past few years, but I hope they were informing students personally, not just relying on the announcements!)

The Boat Who Cried Wolf

, , , , , | Related | April 6, 2018

(I’m about twelve, and I’m at a cabin with my family. My sister and I take the paddle boat out to a floating dock in the middle of the lake and I tie it up. I’m usually good with knots, so I’m surprised and horrified when the rope comes loose and the boat starts floating away, leaving us stranded. We scream for help, because the cabin is just across from us and we can see it, but our parents don’t come outside.)

Me: “Okay. I’m going to swim out and grab it. You wait here.” *jumps into the lake*

Sister: *jumps in right behind me*

Me: *thinking* “Okay, or we could both get wet.”

(We reach the boat, but we can’t climb in from in the water. With a lot of effort, we manage to tow it back to the dock. Our parents finally notice something is wrong and canoe out to us.)

Me: “Didn’t you hear us screaming for help?!”

Mom: “Yeah, but we just assumed it was the usual dumb kids who are always screaming out there.”

(Never cry wolf, kids! We were both wearing life jackets and we weren’t in any real danger, but our help was still delayed.)

One Of The Industries That Doesn’t Look Forward To Friday

, , , , | Right | April 6, 2018

(I get a call at box office one Tuesday. We don’t get our showtime schedules for the next Friday-through-Thursday week until Wednesday.)

Caller: “Do you have [Movie] playing on Friday?”

Me: “I apologize, but unfortunately, we won’t have the schedule for Friday until sometime tomorrow.”

Caller: “So, what are you trying to tell me? You aren’t open Friday?”

Me: “No, that’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m merely saying that we won’t have our Friday schedule until sometime tomorrow.”

Caller: “If you’re open Friday, why can’t you tell me what’s playing that day?”

Me: “Because the schedule hasn’t been made yet.”

Caller: “So, you’re not open Friday?”

Me: “Yes, we are.”

Caller: “So, why won’t you tell me if [Movie] is playing?”

Me: “Because we don’t have our showtimes for Friday scheduled yet.”

Caller: “So, that means you’re not open Friday, right? You can’t be open if nothing is scheduled. Why do you keep saying you’re open Friday when you don’t have anything scheduled?”

Me: “Because we will have a schedule tomorrow. Showtimes for the next week are scheduled and posted Wednesday.”

Caller: “So, you are going to be open Friday?”

Me: “Yes, I guarantee it; we’re open 365 days a year.”

Caller: “Okay… so, what time is [Movie] playing on Friday?”

(This went on and on in circles until I gave up and transferred the call to a manager, who eventually gave up and hung up on the caller.)

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